#but retail is so draining. i have not felt well rested since i started working there

[glass-trash-bab]

I really need to quit, the thought of going to work makes me feel sick

[kooksbliss]

– finishing line || jjk

→ pairing: racer!jungkook x reader

→ genre: strangers to lovers / smut (future) / fluff (future) / street racer au!

→ word count: 6.1k

→ summary: it was a normal, ordinary night out with your best friend, or so you thought. that was before she invited you to a street race, to which you caved into and went. there you met the oh so famous, jeon jungkook. 

→ warnings: hoseok makes an appearance / explicit language / mutual pinning / jungkook makes oc a hot, shy mess / pet names / teasing / this chapter is pretty sfw 

a/n: hi hi hi! hope everyone is having an amazing day <3 this will be more than one part but i don’t think this will be a very long series (i’m thinking around five chapters max) leave me suggestions or any ideas you would like me to write in my ask box! i’m down to do drabbles anytime, hope you all enjoy part one!!

— posted 04.15.2020

masterlist new masterlists | 01 | sneak peek of part 02 | 

You were tired; no, you were drained. Working black friday was no easy task, especially when you work in retail. You stretched your arms as you exited the employee break room after a long awaited break. Once you got back to the sales floor you went up to the cash register to clock back in from your break that’s when you heard someone scoff beside you. 

“It’s about time.” Hyuna stated. 

Hyuna is a co-worker of yours that well, happens to hate you for no reason, no reason you're aware of. She had been working with the company a little over a year before you got employed over the summer and ironically was placed to be your supervisor, meaning you had to be nice to her if you wanted to keep your job. 

“Sorry, Jaehyun needed some help with the stock.” You said as you punched your employee number into the system.

Jaehyun was also a supervisor but for the men’s department, he has been a close friend of yours since you started working here and knows about how Hyuna tends to treat you, unfortunately there's not much any of the two of you can do about it. 

“Well next time come straight out, Jaehyun is a big boy he can take care of himself. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be going on my break.” She said as she walked past you making sure to hit your right shoulder in the process. You looked up at the clock, thirty more minutes just thirty more minutes, you had been working for who knows how long and your feet had been begging for a rest.

Luckily since it was five in the morning there weren't too many people left in the store, but one thing you did know was that your sleeping schedule is fucked after tonight. Suddenly the chime sound from the bell that hung above the door rang out, you looked away from the clock about to greet the person who walked in, well that was until you saw who it was - to which you responded with a roll of your eyes.

“Come on don’t give me that look, y/n! You know you love me~”

“Jennie left about an hour ago, Hoseok.” 

Jennie is your best friend, you two have been friends since middle school and once her family moved next door, there was no separating the two of you. When you both graduated high school you both thought that it would be good for the both of you to have a change of scenery from the small town you lived in, that’s when you made the comment of moving out into the city, which Jennie happily agreed to. 

Jennie is from a wealthier family compared to your own she could afford going to university straight out of high school you on the other hand, didn’t have the financial support so you got this job and plan to work for another year or two before deciding on whether or not you are financially well off to go to university. She decided to move into an on-campus dorm while you found a decently well priced house, that was near your workplace and not too far from everything else, it’s been a year since you two decided to move into the city and you have loved every second of it, life was good.

“Actually I’m here for you, Jennie felt bad not being able to take you home after your shift so she asked me if I could.” Hoseok said as he walked to the side opposite of you at the checkout table.

Hoseok is Jennie’s boyfriend, they’ve been together for about eight months now and met in one of her classes freshman year. You're so glad she met him, you've never seen her happier and you know he’s good for her. As for you not being able to drive, well - a month ago some dickhead rear ended you and you’ve been waiting to see how much his insurance will cover, so you’ve been taking the bus a lot and thankfully your friends - well Jennie, has been taking you to work which is really the only place you go to outside of your house. 

“Oh, okay. Thanks Hoseok, you didn’t have to.” You said feeling bad about him having to be up at five am to take you home.

“It’s no problem, y/n! You know I’m someone you can count on.” Hoseok said as he walked around the store. “You still have thirty mintues right?”

“Yeah, sorry for making you wait.” 

“Y/n. I already said it wasn't a problem. Anyways I wanted to start my Christmas shopping early.”

As you were about to respond a lady came to the cash register.

Your shift was finally over, you clocked out and grabbed your coat from the back thankfully you didn't run into Hyuna, which is a win in your book. You caught up with Hoseok, who was waiting for you near the entrance. 

“You ready?” Hoseok asked as he looked up from his phone.

“Yep!” You exclaimed as you two left the store, looking down at his hands you noticed that he did in fact buy some things. 

Walking across the parking lot you held your coat closer to your body, the crisp November air was chilly especially in the morning. “Thank you again Hoseok.” 

“Of course, y/n. Do you want anything before we head back?”

You were hungry but, you were just too tired to put that before your sleep. “No, that’s okay I’m super tired from tonight.” Hoseok just nodded as you two reached his car, he clicked the door open and the two of you got in. It felt really nice to sit down, your legs were aching and you wanted nothing more than to lay in your bed and sleep the rest of the day away. 

The ride to your house was nice the two of you caught up and made small talk, soon you were arriving at your house. “Well, thanks for the ride! Be sure to have a safe drive back home.” 

“Of course y/n, I’ll be sure to text Jennie to tell her you made it back home safely and that I didn’t kill you.” He joked. You smiled back as you wished him a good night - well morning. Unlocking the door to your house you quickly took your shoes off and entered your bathroom where you took a quick shower, changing into your sweats and t-shirt entering your bedroom. Charging your phone you placed it on your bedside table as you laid down, sleep slowly consuming your thoughts. 

Feeling the sunlight pour into your bedroom you slowly began to wake up. Sitting up you stretch your arms up into the air and reach over to check your phone as the time reads “3:00”. You moan and groan but finally got up to do something productive for the rest of the Friday you had left. You were looking forward to the relaxing weekend you had planned ahead since you got a bit of a break from work as you didn’t have to go until Monday. 

Doing your typical morning routine you went to the kitchen to make an omelet, grabbing your phone off the counter you put your music on shuffle and started making your dish while dancing and singing along to the song.

Once you were done cooking you gave yourself a pat-on-the-back for not burning the house down. Pouring yourself a glass of juice while sitting down on the barstool you started eating your meal while scrolling down your feed liking some memes.

Ping.

You then got a message from Jennie.

You did say you wanted to be productive but really, now all you wanted to do is binge watch your show and wait for your outing with jennie.

Looking at your phone the time read “6:23” you finished the last few minutes of your show and turned off your tv and went to get ready. After you had dressed casually in booties, jeans, sweater, coat and your purse you topped your look off with light makeup. Opening the the bus app you see when the next bus would be coming and headed towards the stop near your house. 

The sun was already setting making you feel uneasy, you weren’t normally out at this time in the dark and definitely not alone. You sped up and felt your nerves calm once you reached the crowded area of the city. 

Waiting for the bus you sat on the bench and got your phone out of your pocket to check where the bus was, saying it was three minutes away.

Once the bus stopped, you got on, paid the amount and walked towards the back and sat down waiting for the stop that was closest to the restaurant. 

You arrived at the restaurant after walking about ten minutes from where the bus had left you at. You called Jennie to ask if she was already there since it was 7:15. She said that she got caught up in traffic and would be there soon and to go ahead and get a table. 

You went inside feeling your once cold cheeks warm up with the heat of the atmosphere, sounds filled your ears and the restaurant's signature dish scent reached your nose. It was busy as usual, you walked up to the main table to get a table for two, the hostess seated you in a booth towards the back. 

“WHAT?” You shouted in the middle of the restaurant causing many bystanders to give you the side eye. “Shush! Lower your voice, y/n!” Jennie whispered loudly.

Jennie had arrived around thirty minutes ago and the two of you had been chatting it up and she suddenly dropped a huge bomb on you. 

“...Wait, so Hoseok is a-”

“A street racer, yeah.” She started, “I know it sounds totally crazy and I know how you steer away from those sorts of things but, you know he’s a good guy a-and it’s been killing me not telling you.”

You stayed silent, never did you ever think that Hoseok was a racer and your mind was still trying to comprehend everything your friend was telling you. 

“And the reason why I’m telling you is because - now y/n don’t freak out or close yourself out but,” biting her bottom lip she continued, “ I wanted you to go to one of the races with me. It’s been killing me having this secret from you, and that’s only if you want to go! I’m not trying to force you either...”

You were not expecting this at all. Your friend was dating a street racer… and now she’s inviting you to one of their very much illegal races. What should you say? You want to say no you really do, it’s not your scene, plus you really just wanted to relax this weekend. 

“When is it?” You finally spoke after a good minute of silence.

“Tomorrow night.” Jennie responded, “Y/n, I just wanted to tell you about Hoseok, and he told me I should ask you if you wanted to go with us. You don’t have to say yes, and there's many more races anyways if you do decide to want to come to one.” 

You thought about what she said, and were happy that they would even think to invite you. “I’ll - I’ll think about and let you know for tomorrow if that’s alright.” 

“Yes of course y/n! Take your time. Anyways did I tell you about what my chemistry professor said yesterday? He totally was like-”

You got lost into your thoughts as you thought about what she said, normally if someone were to ask you to go to a street race you would’ve said no on the spot but for some strange reason you did want to go but you know you shouldn’t.

“Like, that’s just so rude to say and I don’t even understand why he would bring that up in the first place!” Jennie sighed.

The two of you spent the rest of the night gossiping about each of your co-workers as well as the show you were watching, but in the back of your mind you kept thinking about what she said. 

Jennie took you back home and you two wished each other goodnight. 

Walking into your house you went to your bathroom and did your nighttime routine, changed into some pjs and you promised yourself you were just going to watch two more episodes of your show. Did that happen? No, of course not. What you did however is manage to fall asleep on the couch. 

Waking up with an awful cramp in your neck you arose from the couch with a groan. “Gosh I really shouldn’t have slept on the couch.” You spoke to yourself. Today you weren’t feeling up to cook so you just had your favorite cereal and texted Jennie.

Looking down at your phone you sighed. Should you go? A part of you really wants to know about the racing scene and to see. You needed some thrill in your life and maybe this is it, this is your chance. 

You may have seemed cool, calm, and collected over text but in reality you were freaking out. You just agreed you were going to a street race in less than thirteen hours when your previous plans were to binge watch the show you’ve been watching for another season, a lot more tame for what you're now signing yourself onto. But for some reason you did want to go - it's been a long time since you've gone out anywhere else outside of your work. 

Your thoughts were racing, maybe it won't be as bad as you think it is, maybe the media just exaggerates what the reality is, maybe it’s actually super lame. You tried to make yourself feel better about your decision but you can’t help the anxious feeling inside your lower stomach.

It’s 9:49 pm and you've been staring at your closet for the last two hours, at least that’s what it felt like - it was really more like ten minutes, but still! What were you supposed to wear to these kind of things? 

You supposed wearing black is the most common thing, at least you hoped. You digged into your closet and found a pair of high waisted black joggers with vertical lines on the sides of them, a black halter, some all white sneakers and a large oversized jean jacket.  You then went to your bathroom and tried to make yourself somewhat presentable, with some light makeup and styled your hair to your liking. 

You checked your phone for the time “10:42” you felt your heart accelerate, you were excited, nervous, and anxious all at once. 

One minute soon became two, then three, and soon it was already 11:00. Your nerves were on edge. Suddenly your phone rang and you flew up three feet in the air, with shaky hands you picked up your phone Jennie’s contact lit up the screen and you answered. 

“Hey Jennie!” You said trying to sound excited to hide your nerves.

“Hey! I’m outside! Oh, and make sure to bring your ID.” 

“O-okay sure thing!” You said as you began to awkwardly laugh. You grabbed your phone and your small wallet that you slipped into the front pocket of your joggers since you didn’t want to take a purse. 

Well here goes nothing. 

After driving for what seemed like 20 minutes from your house you arrived in a secluded area where there was a pay toll like entrance and a huge line of cars wanting to go in.

“Uh, Jennie? How many people actually come to these things?” You said being genuinely surprised by how many people are lined up behind the entrance. 

“Hm. I don’t really know the exact numbers but it varies to who actually races, if they’re a fan favorite, a newbie, stuff like that.”

You supposed that made sense but still you didn’t think that there would be so many people, you’re assuming that Hoseok and his friends are fan favorite racers. 

It took 15 minutes from you two to make it to the pay toll.

“IDs?” A deep voice rang out. 

Jennie waited for you to get yours out of your wallet and then handed the man both IDs. He checked the two and looked back up at the both of you, then handed Jennie two white bands, as well as the IDs.

“Thank you.” Jennie said as the toll’s gate rose up and drove off, 

“This is so exciting! How are you feeling y/n?”

How are you feeling? You really didn’t know, it was a strange feeling that’s for sure.

“Good, just… nervous.” You softly chuckled as you looked down at your hands that you curled on your lap.

“That’s totally understandable, I was too when I came to see the first race. I wanted to be a supportive girlfriend but I actually ended up liking it.” Jennie said as the two of you arrived at a graveled parking lot, there were cars parked everywhere and you could hear the distant sound of people talking and the car's engines.

“Here you’ll need to put this on.” Jennie said as she put the white band on your wrist and you did the same for her. 

“Thanks.” You said as the two of you got out of the car.

The cold crisp air nipped at your cheeks as soon as you got out. You hugged the jacket closer to your body and met up with Jennie on the other side of the car.

“Okay! Let’s go!” Jennie said as she looped her arm around yours.

After walking for about four minutes you reached a huge crowd of people, once you two had successfully made it past the crowd you could now see the large narrow street that disappeared into the distance.

Jennie then started walking towards the left where there were a lot less people, and stood two large men in front of a pathway.

“Uh, Jennie?” You said as you cuddled closer to her - what is she doing?

“I’m with Hoseok.” Jennie ignored your questioning and spoke to the men.

“What’s the code?” Said the man on the right. Jennie then whispered what you assumed to be the code to one of the men, they both looked at each other and spread apart making room for the two of you to continue walking on the pathway. 

“Uh, what was that about? Where are we even going?” You asked Jennie once you two were a good distance from the men.

“Sorry if that freaked you out, but basically where we are going is like the VIP area for the racers and those are the bodyguards, the racers are the only ones that know the code but they can tell people too, which is why I know it because of Hoseok.” Jennie said as you two approahed two buildings, one was like an open pit stop area for the cars and the other was like a clubhouse - they really take this street racing seriously huh?

“Oh, I see. So do all the racers hang out over here?” You said as you started hearing the sounds of people getting louder and louder. 

“Yep! Hoseok is probably in his car now, getting ready for his race against Jungkook.” 

Jungkook? That name was unfamiliar to you. 

“Who’s Jungkook?” You said a bit confused.

“Oh! That’s right I forget that you don't know him, well you can meet him after the race,” She said pulling her phone out checking the time, “It’s already 12:27? The race starts in three minutes!” Jennie exclaimed and grabbed your arm taking you to the pit stop area. 

Entering the pit stop area there were a lot of people inside making the once quiet outdoors loud with excitement. You then noticed that each of the racers had their own separate rooms and the people inside were either the guests or the actual pit crew of the racer, well it’s good to know they actually have proper protection and safety. 

The racers had a gold plaque above the open room that they were in, Hoseok’s was the fourth room and you happened to notice that Jungkook’s was right next to Hoseok’s. 

“Come on y/n it’s about to start, I’m so excited!!” Jennie pulled your arm onto a couch that was placed in Hoseok’s room. A loud engine sound rang out making you jump up in your seat, it sounded so close you didn’t realise how close you actually were to the street. 

The cars were not in your view of distance yet but you could hear just how close they were, then you saw two cars one red and one black stop right in front of the room you were in. 

Out of nowhere a very slim, tall girl dressed in basically swimwear and heels holding two flags stood in the middle of the two cars, just seeing what she was dressed in made you shiver. An abrupt voice from an intercom then broke the silence.

“Welcome, welcome ladies and gentlemen, hope everyone is doing well on this cool November night. Tonight’s race is a treat for all of you, we got two of our hottest, favorite racers but I’m sure the lot of you already know that. These two don’t need any sort of introduction, of course I’m talking about Jung Hoseok-” the crowd roared out, cheers and screams rang, you felt your eardrums were going to burst. “And Jeon Jungkook.” If possible you heard the crowd scream even louder. 

“Now, let’s get this race started shall we?” The intercomer’s voice faded out and the girl lifted the two flags, “three, two, one!” She said as she lowered the flags. 

The two cars then accelerated passed her, you got up from the couch and moved to the opening of the room and saw the two cars faintly in the distance.

“They go super fast don’t they? I think Hoseok said something about going 130 mph.” That actually scared you - the fast you’ve ever gone was like 90.

“Dang, and how long does it take for them to come back?” You said as you looked down at the black and white checkered finish line that was a couple feet away from you. 

“Hm, it depends really but it usually takes eight to ten minutes. But in the meantime I like getting some snacks while I wait.” She said turning around to go to the popcorn machine that was next to the couch.

You were still looking towards the distance when you happened to look over to Jungkook’s room, there were at least five girls inside, one of which made eye contact with you and flipped you off, you quickly looked away and met up with Jennie again on the couch.

“So uh, this Jungkook guy? He seems to be a ladies man.” You said while reaching over to steal some of her popcorn.

“Hey! Well yeah, he most definitely is. Why do you ask?” Jennie’s eyes suddenly lit up as she smirked, “Y/n are you trying to get laid? I mean I thought you would be one to wait but I mean Jungkook probably wouldn’t mind fucking a virg-”

“Woah, woah Jennie!” You say as your cheeks and ears start getting red. “N-no well I - well for one I’m not a virgin! And two I asked because when I happened to look over to his room there were a lot of girls but also this one girl gave me her middle finger!” You said in almost a pouty matter. 

“Wait, you’re not a virgin? Not that it’s a bad thing if you are but, you never told me that you lost your virginity.” Jennie said a bit surprised and honestly you don’t blame her. Anyone who knows you probably thinks you haven't got a freaky bone in your body. “But as far as the girl who flipped you off - that was probably Lisa for some reason she thinks that her and Jungkook are together when he himself has made it clear that he’s not into her in that way. She even got jealous of me before she found out I was with Hoseok and not Jungkook.” 

“Oh, then maybe that’s why she flipped me off, but I don’t even know him. A-and about that I uh, lost it the night of junior prom with my date.” You said looking anywhere but her, for some reason you always get shy talking about sexual things, also you didn’t see the hype around it your first time wasn’t as magical as you thought it would have been and people hyped sex up so much you just thought it would be different, you didn’t even climax!

“Oh well maybe you can tell me about it at a better time-” The sound cars’ engines could be heard again and Jennie jumped up. 

“Come on! Let’s see who’s in the lead!” Grabbing your arm the two of you stepped into the open area of the room to where you can see the cars in the distance but on the opposite of which they started. The black car seemed to be the one in the lead but not by much.

In a matter of seconds it seemed, the two cars then passed the finish line, but it was so close that neither you or Jennie could tell who won.

“Well, well, well ladies and gentlemen it seems that this race was indeed a close one, but winning by three seconds more, Jeon Jungkook won tonight’s race. Be sure to stick around to see your favorite racers, that’s all for tonight folks have a good night.” The intercomer wished his goodnights and what was left was the cheers from the crowd. 

The sound of the car door opening reverted your attention to the two racers, Hoseok was the first one to come out of the red one, that meant that Jungkook’s was the black one. You and Jennie waved over to Hoseok as he smiled and waved back.

You looked over to the black car once again only to see the girls you saw in the room along with Lisa were swarming him before he even got a chance to get out. Then you heard the car door opening and you felt the world stop.

Jungkook removed his helmet as he flashed a smile and one of the girls, the one you were told was Lisa then wrapped her arms around him. Then you felt your heart in your throat, he looked at you at least you think he looked at you, regardless you blushed and looked away from what seemed to be his stare directed towards you. 

Hoseok then came up to Jennie and kissed her, “Honey, that was a close good race, but you did good.” Jennie said with a smile.

“Thank you, baby.” He said as he leaned back down to plant another kiss on her lips. You felt so awkward, it was like you were third wheeling, you just looked at the ground trying not to make eye contact with your best friend’s makeout session.

“Okay, okay we get it lovebirds.” An unfamiliar voice said, causing you to look up.

And there he was. Jungkook was absolutely breathtaking, you never thought that someone could look this good close up. You were so mesmerized that you didn’t realize you were staring.

“Didn’t your parents ever tell you it was rude to stare, sweetheart?” Jungkook said to you to which you didn’t even reply until you felt Jennie’s and Hoseok’s eyes on you too.

“O-oh I’m sorry.” You said looking down, this is why you don’t go out, you just don’t fit in. You were jizzing your pants just looking at the man who doesn’t want anything to do with you, or even knows your name as a matter of fact. 

“Aw, sweetie that’s alright. No need to get all shy on me, I don’t bite unless-”  

“Jungkooookie!~” Lisa ran up to the group cutting off whatever Jungkook was going to say and hung onto him, “That was such a good race! I knew you would win, no offense Hoseok.” 

“Yeah, none take-” Hoseok started but Lisa, you supposed has a habit of cutting people off.

“So Jungkookie, do you want to go out for dinner with me? It can be a celebratory thing, I even have dessert for you whenever we get to your place.” She said as she sent a wink his way. You could only imagine what she meant making your face red with the thought.

“Actually I might have to cancel-” He answered, removing her arms around his torso. “I was thinking about going with Hoseok, Jennie and-” He paused looking to you. “What’s your name sweetheart, I’ve never seen you around here?” 

You felt your heart stuck in your throat anytime he would even breathe in your direction, the more seconds passed the more you felt yourself grow hot.

“I-it’s y/n.” You said as you mentally slapped yourself for stuttering. “And uh, it’s my first time to a race.”

Jungkook hummed. “Ah, I see. What a pretty name for such a pretty girl.” He said with such sincerity, looking straight into your eyes. You really thought you were going to faint, was he really saying this to you? 

“You're joking. Jungkook, there’s no way you would rather go with them, her, rather than going with me?” He didn’t answer but instead kept staring at you, while you just stared back with wide eyes. 

“Jungkook!” He finally tugged his eyes away from you as Lisa exclaimed and pulled onto his arm.

“Actually I think I would, and I will. Maybe another time hm?” Jungkook said as he looked over to Hoseok. “What do you say? Want to treat me to a celebratory dinner, loser.” He said in a joking matter directed to Hoseok.

“Since you won and I’m such a good friend, I’ll treat you for tonight.” Hoseok said.

“Great-” Jungkook started, “You’re coming right y/n?”

“O-oh I don’t - it’s late a-and-” 

“She’d love to, Jungkook.” Jennie jumped in, you gave her “the look” to which she ignored. “What? Come on, you were taking some of my popcorn earlier, surely you're hungry.”

She was right you were hungry but just thinking about being in a room with Jungkook made you already want to die in a hole from embarrassment, you don't even know the guy and he has such an impact on you. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll go too.” You said still looking at Jennie missing the way Jungkook’s eyes lit up. 

“Uh, what about me Jungkookie? I thoug-” Lisa started, 

“Actually Lisa, can we have a rain check? I want to spend some time with my friends.” 

“Ugh, whatever. You know where to find me when reality hits you.” Lisa said looking at you as she rolled her eyes and walked away with a huff.

“Sounds good, let’s all meet at the restaurant. Jungkook you drove here right?” Jennie asked.

“I did, I drove Hoseok here as well.” Jungkook answered. 

“Hm, well Hoseok can come with me and, y/n, why don’t you go with Jungkook?”

Your eyes almost just shot out of your eyes, was she serious? You’d rather go with them and feel like a third-wheel rather than go in a vehicle alone, with him. You could already see it, you making a fool of yourself.

You felt everyone’s eyes on you as they awaited your response. But you didn’t want to be rude and it’s just a 20 minute car ride, it won’t be that bad, at least you hoped. 

“Uh, yeah sure, if he doesn’t mind.” You said looking over to him only finding him already looking at you. You felt your heart rate increase, something about how he looks at you makes you feel strange, and you couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing.

“Of course I don’t mind babygirl.” He saids with a slight smirk walking towards you whereas you felt yourself heat up with the pet name. “Now, shall we?” 

The walk to Jungkook’s car was short and quiet, maybe he came to the earth revolving revelation that you really weren’t that special and that he’s wasting his time. Being captivated in your thoughts you didn’t even notice that Jungkook, who was beside you, stopped walking.

“Woah, woah babygirl, are you already trying to escape?” Jungkook said with a chuckle. 

“Huh?” You turned around with a confused expression painted onto your face. You then noticed that he stopped at a parked car with keys in his hands. “W-well how was I supposed to know this was your car!” You said walk towards his car.

Jungkook put his hands up against his chest as a surrender, “Yes, you’re right, my fault.” Walking to the other side of the car you open the door still very nervous due to the fact that you’re about to be in a confined space with him.

Whipping around to put your seatbelt on, you felt your phone vibrate, causing you to accidentally drop it in the cup holder between the two of you. Reaching over to get your phone, Jungkook did the same thing causing the two of you to rub your hands against each other. “S-sorry.” You said as you pulled your hand away, still feeling his hand lingering next to yours, it’s almost scary how your body reacts towards him. Man you really needed to get laid again. 

“No worries it is your phone after all.” Jungkook said as he held your phone up, he didn’t mean to look down at your phone but he just happened to, “Hm, who’s Kyle?” Kyle… Kyle??! Why is he messaging you, you grabbed the phone out of his hand and looked down at the message. Just a simple “Hey” was displayed on your screen, why is he messaging you after all these years?

“Oh, he’s nobody just someone I went to high school prom with, I really don’t know why he’s messaging me.” You said as you looked down confused at your phone, but decided not to respond. 

“So do you know where we’re going?” Jungkook rang out, “Oh! Not yet but let me text Jennie.” You responded. As you waited for her response you felt this awkward tension as you looked at the plain grassy field in front of you. “So, uh Jungkook?” You said turning to look towards him, “What got you into racing?”

“Hm, we haven’t even gone out and you’re already asking for my life’s story?” You suddenly felt super invasive, “Sorry I didn’t mean to seem nosy.” You said as you look away, staring back towards the field. You felt cold fingertips graze the side of your right cheek as Jungkook turned you to look towards him. “You didn’t babygirl, I just- don’t really like to talk about it.” He said as he stares at you, you begin to blush, surely he could feel it as his hands are gripping your face. You felt electric, you never met someone that had such an effect on you and you didn’t really know why. You knew you really have, but you just couldn’t resist as your eyes moved down from his eyes and onto his lips, he must have seen this as he then began to move towards you.

“J-jungkook…” He stops moving and just stares into you, removing his hands away. Jungkook cleared his throat looking straight on as you stayed in the same position, shocked. You almost just kissed a man you didn’t even know, it’s strange - you don’t even know him yet it feels so right being with him. Maybe it was only you that felt this way but you could have sworn you could see a rosy hue on his cheeks. 

Ping. 

You felt your phone vibrate as you got another message, this time from Jennie.  

You choked on your own spit as you read the message in your head, you were going to kill her.

“Woah, what’s wrong are you okay?” Jungkook said as he looked over to you, “Y-yeah uh, Jennie said that something came up so it’s just us two, y-you can just drop me off if you like. We don’t have to do anything-”

“Y/n. It’s fine, I don’t mind, really.” He said as he put the car in reverse, “Now, let’s go get something to eat babygirl.” 

taglist: @krystle1990, @lurkerarmy​, @olivialovemason88​ @eclivpses @hinawariinoue97 @chimshoe95​ — (let me know if you would like to be added!)

© kooksbliss - all rights reserved

[jae-writes-fanfiction]

omgggg im stoked ur on the slasher train now!!! for ur spooky event could you do drabbles for them comforting a really kinda sad s/o??? ik this wasnt on the prompts list but 2020 has been v rough and i just wanna be held 😔

Pick Me Off The Ground

Notes: I ended up writing this for Pelle, The Candyman, Hannibal, Tiffany Valentine, Jennifer Check, and Susie Bannion. It’s been a long ass time since I got a drabbles request, I hope the formatting is okay.

Warnings: Refernces to being sad, I struggle with depression/anxiety so some of the terminology and descriptions I use can be trigger or relate to depression, also they’re all murderers. Enjoy Responisbly ❤️

- - -

Pelle

Your shoulders slumped and you hid your face on the cot trying to muffle the chocked sobs racking through your body. This entire trip was a disaster. You’d woken up that morning with a positive outlook, sure the Hårga wasn’t what you expected. But their beliefs and rituals, although grim, were fascinating as far as anthropology and psychology go. Pelle had shown you around all day, even letting you see pages from their sacred text. But when you got back to the center of town you were confronted by the other angry tourists complaining your friends had taken the only transport and left.

You were embarrassed by their rude behavior, and absolutely heartbroken that they hadn’t cared to wait for you. Members of the Hårga had calmed the other tourists and promised to take them to the airport as soon as possible. You felt utterly alone, and displaced. You froze when you felt a hand on your shoulder, your mind scrambling for an apology to send whoever was there away.

“I’m sorry about our friends,” Pelle said quietly, his voice soothing and remorseful.

You sniffled and sat up, wiping your eyes. “I’ve felt for a while I wasn’t fitting it but I didn’t know...” you bit your lip but couldn’t keep your eyes from welling with tears again.

Pelle sat closer to you, and pulled you into his arms. He didn’t say anything, just let you cry and for the first time in a very long time, it felt like someone truly cared about you. You felt warm, and safe.

- - -

The Candyman (Daniel Robitaille)

Every bone in your body ached, you were exhausted body and soul. Life had gotten to be so draining, so stagnent and empty. Your career felt stale and the late hours impossibly fruitless. You had just enough energy to kick your shoes off and drop your things at the door before collapsing into bed.

At first you were restless, tossing and turning your body unable to relax. Desperately you turned to gaze and whisper at the mirror over your dresser. You knew he didn’t like be summoned without a more malevolent purpose, but you were always the exception. You couldn’t feel his weight on the bed, but you could feel his presence in the room instantly.

You smiled softly as you felt his arms around you. You turned in his arms wishing he could appear in something other than the cloak, although you appreciated the added warmth.

“Daniel,” you whispered pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, you could feel him faintly but the smile on his face was plain enough to lift your spirits slightly.

“Hush, my love. Rest.” His voice, like always, filled the room around you yet at the same time sounded miles away. For a moment you felt as if the burdens weighing you down were just phantoms. In another minute you were asleep, pleasant dreams and your lover beside you keeping you at peace.

- - -

Hannibal Lecter

The rain outside soaked into your jacket as you got home from work. Classical music was already playing as you shucked your jacket and boots off in the mud room. Keeping your head down you walked directly to your room and closed the door. Sometimes when you had a bad day, Hannibal overstepped the line between psycho-killer boyrfriend and professional psychologist. You knew him, and he knew you all your darkest secrets. Yet sometimes when your own mind turned on you for no reason, you didn’t want to come home to another therapist.

You peeled the wet clothes off your body and dug around for your favorite pair of flannel bottom, and that one shirt of his that always ended up in your laundry. The softness of the fabric, the warmth of the flannel, the hint of his aftershave- they were all impossibly small comforts in the wake of what you knew to be a wave large enough to drown in.

Felling a little better you emerged from the non-confrontational sanctuary of your bedroom. You wandered into the living room and curled yourself into the corner of the couch. You picked up a book and turned the pages but the words weren’t sticking. You looked up from the pages, as Hannibal walked into the room carrying a tray.

“It’s your favorite,” he said smiling softly setting the tray down on the end table next to you. The food smelled perfect, the dish was one from your childhood and the drink along with it was your absolute favorite year and type of wine. The pairing was one you had never thought to put together, another glaring example of Hannibal’s particular genius. He sat next to you on the sofa reading quietly. Although it couldn’t fix or change how you felt, it was helpful to know even now, someone cared about you.

- - -

Tiffany Valentine

You were curled up in a ball, the tears still fresh on your face when Tiff got home.

“I swear to god I’ll kill him!” She said looking over your saddened state. Mascara ran down your face, your hair was disheveled and your eyes looked so sad it broke Tiffany’s little black heart clean in two.

Your boss had become a problem. He acted too familiar in private, around other employees he made jokes about your appearance, about your performance, hell he even made fun of your picture of Tiffany once. Nothing was off limits because he was the boss.

“He kept jokin’ during the meeting about firing me,” you said between sniffles, “I’ve worked there for five years I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.”

She crossed the room quickly to pull you into a hug. “You didn’t do anything wrong hes just a dick,” she said firmly. You laughed, and couldn’t help smiling through the tears as she held you. The soft curves of her body were inviting and promised you nothing would ever hurt you again.

“Now let’s get you all cleaned up we’re going out!” Your protestes were silenced with a quick kiss. “There’s nothing better than a hot date, and a little retail therapy,” she said with a wink pulling you to your feet.

You nodded and let her lead you by the hand back out to the car. Anytime you had a bad day she pulled out all the stops until you were absolutely spoiled and tonight would be no different- except tomorrow morning at work you’d get another present. And Tiffany would add another man to her list of recently deceased assholes.

- - -

Jennifer Check

It was past midnight when your girlfriend came home, covered in blood. It wasn’t an unusual sight but the dress she had been wearig was in tatters and you were certain some of the fluid was hers.

Panic quickly set in, and you ran to her side your hands flashing over her body trying to stop the bleeding. You pulled your shaking hands away, they were covered in dark blood. As She gasped and fainted you ran to catch her and smeared the dark substance over her skin.

As her surprisingly human looking body hit the ground, you woke up. The nightmare made your skin crawl, and you could feel tears streaming down your face. Jennifer, who wasn’t dead yet wasn’t exactly alive, laid next to you.

She lazily threw an arm around you and pulled you closer. “I’m right here,” she mumbled sleepily. You shuddered as she kissed the lines of tears on your face. The gesture made fresh tears threaten to spill over, but you bit your lip and instead snuggled closer into her chest. For now she was there, for now things would be okay. You felt her stroke and play with your hair as you drifted off to sleep.

- - -

Susie Bannion

You stormed through the dormitories, stopping only at your bed. You haphazardly grabbed shirts and linens stuffing them into the suitcase on top of your mattress. If the other girls didn’t think you were up to snuff, that was their problem. You didn’t have to stay.

Your bag was mostly packed when you started biting back tears. You’d worked your whole life for this chance, would you really give up now just because they wanted you too? You didn’t know that answer but you did know something inside you felt broken. Shakily, you sat down on th edge of your bed and held your head in your hands.

“Are you okay?” You quickly looked up and saw Susie standing there her head slightly cocked to the side as she observed your hastily packed case and distraught appearance.

You shrugged helplessly and tried to wipe the tears from your face.

“I don’t belong here,” you said. Your tone sounded like a challenge and Susie wasn’t one to back down. She dropped herself to sit next to you, and started stroking your hair as you began to cry openly.

“You’re the only one that belongs here,” she whispered wrapping an arm around you. You felt her kiss the top of your head, and it was like magic. As if she had chosen you to be her person, and in that moment the world changed and you were no longer an outsider.

[333dolans]

B9 w/ Gray please? 🥺 that man is making me soft again

Prompt list

B9- “Did you do all this… for me?”

You’d had a rough day to say the least. After waking up 20 minutes late, so much for an alarm that actually wakes you up?, you’d hit the morning rush hour that you always manage to miss with those extra 20 minutes. Part of your morning ritual included running into the quaint and cozy cafe across the street from your retail job.

You decided since you were already running late, you may as well be late with a steaming latte right? Wrong. Not only did your boss give you a telling off, but you didn’t even get to drink your hot beverage as before you could take so much as a sip of your daily fix, it was knocked out of your hand and scolding your clothed chest. The perpetrator not even giving you so much as a glance yet alone an apology. You were so fed up already and you’d only been out of the house for 40 minutes.

Of course, to make your day that much better than it already had been, work was an absolute shit show, with you having to deal with one of the customers going in on you about not having the shirt she wanted in stock. How that was your fault you had no idea. You told yourself not to judge her, for maybe she was having just as bad of a day as you were, but god was your patience growing thinner. On your break you shot a quick text to your boyfriend, informing him of the terrible day you’d had, feeling a weight rise of your chest once you’d been able to rant about everything.

The end of your shift couldn’t of came around any slower, you found yourself questioning the universe. Surely you had used up all of your bad luck for the rest of the month by now, if not whole year?! Oh how you wished you’d kept your mouth shut because just as you’d finished signing out, you felt a wetness collecting in your underwear. “No, no, no please not now.” You whimpered desperately.

You ran to the fitting rooms that weren’t far from the back office and turned to look at your behind in the mirror, locking your eyes onto the faint red stain that had started to deep through the material of your jeans. You wished you would just spontaneously combust on that very spot. You made a quick dash for the door and headed to your car before any of your co workers could spot the ever growing stain.

The moment you pulled up to the driveway of your boyfriends house, you felt lighter. Just knowing he’s behind that door waiting to greet you made your heart swell. As you reached to place your key into the lock, the door creaked open and you were met with that beautiful face that had been the only thing keeping you going today. You couldn’t help it, his dazzling smile and mesmerising eyes had always been your weakness and before you knew it, hot streams of tears were travelling down your flustered cheeks.

“Oh my love.” Grayson’s voice filled your ears and only made you sob harder. He wrapped his arms around your fragile body, you were drained. He ran his calloused fingers up and down your back, attempting to soothe your cries. Of course it worked.

You looked up to meet his eyes, filled with nothing but worry and pure love. He swiped away the stray tear threatening to fall and kissed the tip of your nose, earning a giggle from you and a big grin, your first genuine smile of the day. He led you towards his bedroom where you were met with a sight that made your stomach erupt into butterflies.

You took in his bedroom, lights dimmed with the scent of Wakeheart’s ‘self love’ invading your nostrils. Across the bed, scattered rose petals were sprawled. You traced your fingers across the sheets, still warm. He’d changed them but not before putting them in the dryer to warm up. In the centre of the bed? massage oil. “I thought I could give you a back rub? I know you get knots when you’re stressed.” He blushed profusely, cheeks rosy under the faint light filling the room.

“Did you do all this… for me?” You couldn’t believe it, how did you get this lucky? “Of course i did. You had a rough day angel, it’s the least I could of done.” He stated matter of factly, like it was the most obvious answer. You could of instantly broke out into tears at his consideration for you but you instead decided on engulfing him into the biggest bear hug you could muster. “I love you Gray.” You croaked, muffled by his fuzzy sweater. “I love you more my love.”

Tags: @foxglovedolan @evergreendolan @dolansficsandpics @livexdolan @rhyrhy462 @blindedbythelightt

[onceuponastory]

Coming Back Home - Chapter Five: The Time of My Life

“So I'll tell you something This could be love, because I've had the time of my life No, I never felt this way before Yes I swear, it's the truth And I owe it all to you” - (i’ve had) the time of my life: bill medley and jennifer warnes (aka the song from dirty dancing)

Plot: Six years ago, Y/N left her hometown and all its bad memories behind, and never looked back. But now, she’s come back to be the maid of honour in her sister’s wedding. Returning ‘home’ means she has to confront her past, the last thing she wants to do. When she meets the handsome best man Nick, she feels more comfortable…until her sister asks her to show Nick around town…a town that Y/N fell out of love with a long time ago.

Can Y/N fall back in love with the town she left behind, and maybe find love of her own along the way? (based on prompt by @orphicodysseywrites​)

Tag List: @shinydixon​, @baker151910​ and @thesundrop​. Let me know if you want to be added!

Warnings: Some mentions of alcohol

Note: I’m so sorry this chapter took so long! I’ve been super busy during Christmas because I work retail, and when I got home, I was so drained and unmotivated to write something, but here we are! I hope y’all enjoy the emotional roller coaster this chapter will take you on ;) Also, this chapter has some parts told in Nick’s POV for the first and definitely not the last time

Read the other parts / Read this story on Wattpad!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nick or his character! I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all see the movie if you can, because it’s adorable!

Later That Day

“How about this one?” Nick suggests. I scrunch my nose up. We were both trying to figure out what song to dance to at the wedding. Yes, we’ve left it late, but given everything that’s happened since we got here, can you blame us?

“Absolutely not.” Nick sighs. “What?”

"It’s a fun song! It’ll get people dancing.”

“Nick, even though we both look good, I don’t think dancing to Sexy and I Know It will be a good idea. Unless we want to give our great aunts a heart attack.” Sighing, Nick nods, crossing it off his list. “Now, I have made a playlist for this very occasion, so let me put it on...” I announce, crossing over to my phone.

“Of course you have. Katie’s told me about how many playlists you have Y/N. How many do you have now? Fifty?” Nick teases. Ignoring him, I hit play. Soon, the sounds of Waterloo by ABBA fills the room. Nick gives me a look. “ABBA? Seriously?”

“What do you mean, ‘seriously’ ?!” I ask. “They’re iconic! This song won them Eurovision!”

“That’s true, but no. No ABBA." I roll my eyes.

“No taste.” I shake my head. Ignoring me, Nick hits skip. The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing starts playing. Nick and I look at each other. My mouth drops open, and he raises an eyebrow. “What?! This song is iconic! This scene is iconic! Patrick Swayze is an incredible dancer in this scene!”

“That’s true. He’s a great dancer. But I’m not that good.” 

“I can’t judge that Nick, I’ve never seen you dance.” Nick laughs.

“That’s a good thing. You’ll see at the wedding.”

“Come on! Get some practice! Dance with me.” I urge, holding out my hands. “Please?!”

“Oh, no. Did you hear what I just said?” Ignoring him, I take his hand, gently leading him into the centre of the room. “Y/N. I’d only ever do something like this for you, but I’m telling you that I’m going to stand on your feet and you will regret ever asking me to dance with you.” He sighs, taking my other hand. I start dancing, whilst Nick stands there, awkwardly moving. 

“See! This isn’t so bad!” I smile. “I’ve had...the time of my life....” I start singing. Nick laughs. “I get to endure your dancing, and you get to endure my singing. It’s only fair.”

“Guess that’s true. In that case, I should dance properly.” Nick moves closer, places his hand around my waist, and takes my other hand in his. I gasp. Did not expect him to be so close. Nick twirls me under his arm. 

“I’veeee, had the time of my lifeeee...” I sing to myself. Nick laughs. “What? I know I’m not that good at singing, but this song is SO good, can you blame me?!”

“You’re not that bad.” Nick smiles, continuing to twirl and dance with me around the room. “Do you even remember the dance from this film?” He asks.

“Kinda? To be honest, all I remember is the lift. You don’t have to lift me by the way.” Nick frowns.

“I think...he dips her like this.” Nick mumbles, and before I can even do anything, he gently but effortlessly dips me. I let out a little squeal, and he quickly pulls me up, asking if I’m okay. Still breathless, I can’t even reply.

“For someone who says he can’t dance, you’re...really good.” I gasp eventually.

“Guess I’m full of surprises.” He grins. As the song draws to a close, Nick continues to hold me close. It was nice...really nice. I could stay like this forever. The music changes in the background behind us, but neither of us notice. “So...” Nick begins. “Which song do you think we should choose?”

“Well, if we pick this one, everyone will expect you to lift me.” He nods. 

“We could try if you want?” He asks, dropping his hands to my waist.

“No, no, no, no, no, NICK!” I squeal as he lifts me off of my feet. “I’m ticklish! No!” I start giggling and squirming, so much so that Nick drops me. As I fall, so does he, and he lands on top of me.

“You okay?” He asks, his voice husky. I nod, breathless. He moves some hair out of my face, gazing into my eyes. “Good.” He smiles. His face has never been so close to mine before. I can see little flecks of gold in his eyes. They’re beautiful...like he is. Nick sits up and gently helps me up onto my knees. “Sure you’re okay?” He asks, and I nod again. 

“Nick, it’s okay. Honestly. Thanks for today, though.” I smile, scooting over and hugging him. “Sorry you had to endure my singing though.”

“Sorry you had to endure my horrible dancing.” Nick replies. The two of us sit there for what feels like forever, but is probably just a few minutes, holding each other. Reluctantly, I pull apart.

“I better go. Katie wanted me to help finish up some of the stuff for the bachelorette party.” I announce, getting up and picking up my phone. “Bye, Nick.” I give him a small wave before walking out of the room. As soon as I’m out of his eyeshot, I lean against the wall and sigh. What is it with me these days? I had suddenly started to feel an intense desire to stay close to Nick, and spend as much time with him as possible...but gotten way more awkward at the same time. Sighing, I walk upstairs to meet Katie.

It’s probably nothing...right?

~~~

A Few Days Later: The First Night of the Bachelorette Party Weekend - 6 Days til the wedding.

“Okay, so this is the number for the hotel, even though you’re not meant to be texting or calling me....but I won’t tell!” Katie talks to Adam as I carry my suitcase towards the stairs. It’s finally here: the bachelorette party. Katie, the rest of the bridesmaids and I were travelling to a nearby town to go drinking and dancing. To save driving back to Saint Chase in the middle of the night, we were all staying in a local hotel. Sighing, I pull my suitcase towards the stairs, ready to walk down them one step at a time, whilst also trying to keep a hold on my other bags. I stifle a yawn. Since Katie and I were going down early to set up the hotel rooms, it meant we all had to get up super early, and I was nowhere near close to functioning. Not that I was usually, but today was worse.

“Need some help?” Nick asks suddenly, popping up behind me, causing me to jump and almost lose my balance. My suitcase is close to tumbling down the stairs, nearly taking me with it. But Nick holds his hands out and catches it as best as he can.

“Shit, Nick! You need to stop sneaking up on me like that!” I scold. Even though I liked seeing him, I did not like it if it meant a heart attack came along with it.

“Sorry, I just saw you were struggling, and I saw those stairs, so I thought I could help.” He shrugs. I sigh. I mean, he was right. I did need help.

“...Yeah, you’re right.” I nod. “Can you take these?” I ask, passing him most of my bags.

“God, what is IN these things?” Nick asks as he gets increasingly more laden down. “I thought you girls were only going away for the weekend?”

“Yup.” I nod, popping the p. “These bags have our sashes, some balloons, other accessories like the mini veil and tiara, headbands....the photo booth props....” I trail off when I notice Nick looking at me like I’ve grown an extra head. “Yeah, bachelorettes are intense. And Katie and I are going down early to set up, so I have to bring everything now. Hence...all this.” I gesture around with my free hand. “And this suitcase has our makeup, outfit changes, and spares, just in case.” Nick still looks horrified. 

“We’re just gonna stay here, play some video games and drink some beers.” He states, making me laugh.

“Welcome to the world of the bachelorette party, Nick. Trust me, I was the same when I first started planning. Now...I am the master.” I strike a pose, and Nick laughs. “And besides, if you think this is bad, wait till you see our stuff for the day of the wedding.” Nick’s eyes go wide again, making me laugh. Nick helps me down the stairs with everything, and he and Adam help Katie and I pack the car full of our things.

“Okay, that’s us all loaded up! Bye, handsome.” Katie tells Adam, pulling him into a kiss, whilst Nick and I stand around slightly awkwardly. 

“Well, uh...have fun. Be sure to...show me pictures?” 

“Only if you show me some from the bachelor party too.” Nick nods. “Well...bye Nick.” I smile, giving him a small wave and walking towards the car. 

“Y/N, wait!” He calls, and I turn around. He walks up to me and gently takes my hands in his. I immediately feel shivers up my arms. Nick speaks again, his voice now hushed. “If you have a nightmare again, or if you need someone to talk to, give me a call, alright? Doesn’t matter how early or late it is. I want you to know I’ll always be there for you.” I feel tears rising in my eyes all over again.

“Nick...are you sure?”

“Positive.” He pulls me into a hug before I can even react. “Have a fun weekend.” He whispers, squeezing me so tightly that I swear my heart stops. In a good way, though. Nick and I pull apart, and as I gaze into his blue eyes, I realise that I don’t want to go. Even though I knew I had to support my sister, and I knew I did want to go....a stronger part of me just wanted to stay and hang out with Nick.

“Come on, Y/N!” Katie orders. “We need to go if we’re going to have any chance of setting up before the girls arrive!” Blushing slightly, I turn back to Nick. 

“Bye Nick.” I smile. He wishes me goodbye, and I get into the car besides Katie. The two of us wave as we pull out of the driveway, Nick and Adam waving us goodbye as we go. As the house fades out of view, the feeling from before, the desire to stay, returns. I try and ignore it, but it’s intense. “What is wrong with me?!” I think to myself. Whatever it is, I better forget it soon, or I’ll be thinking about Nick for the whole night.

~~~

That Night

Pushing open the door to the karaoke bar, the six of us walk in. 

“YAAAAAY! KARAOKE!” Katie calls, slightly tipsy already.

“I cannot believe you’ve talked me into this. I’m not even that drunk or a good singer!” I hiss. I know I’ve already sung in front of Nick, but this was different. I was comfortable with Nick, but there were people here. People who could hear me. People who I don’t know.

“Come on, Y/N! It’ll be fun! And don’t you worry, once you get some more shots in you, you’ll be right up on that stage.” Sam grins. Sam was another member of Katie’s bridal party. Altogether, there was me, Caroline, Sam, Sam’s wife Vanessa, and Katie’s college roommate Brooke. I was so thankful that Katie has such a small bridal party. It makes my life so much easier. 

“And besides, you don’t have to be a good singer...to be honest, most people aren’t.” Brooke smiles.

“If you say so....” I mumble. The group of us sit in a booth and order some drinks to get started. I’m going to need a lot more of these to get through this karaoke. If they think I’ll be up on that stage, they have another thing coming.

~~~

Two Hours Later

“Cause tonight for the first time....just about half-past ten....for the first time, in HISTORY....it’s gonna start raining meeeeeen!” I sing into the microphone. The girls cheer from the table. “IT’S RAINING MEN!” Brooke and I both sing/shout into the microphone, our arms around each other.

“I mean we’re gay but yessss!!! Love that!” Vanessa and Sam shout. It turns out it only takes a few more wines to get me up on the stage. Who knew? Brooke and I continue the song and finish to thunderous applause, mostly from the rest of the girls. 

“You’re right!! That was so fun!!!!” I grin, jumping up and down. “I’m sorry for doubting youuuuu.” I pull Brooke into a hug, which she returns. The two of us sit back down at the table. “Katie! Katie! Did you see me?!” I ask. “Wasn’t I good?! Can you believe....Nick had the cheek to say I wasn’t that bad. I’m a star in the making.”

“Who’s Nick?” Sam asks. 

“Well. He’s Adam’s best man. And he is cute as hell.” I grin. Fumbling with my phone, I open instagram to Nick’s profile. “SEE?!” I exclaim, showing them my phone screen. 

“Babeeee, your thumb’s in the way.” Katie tells me, trying to swat it out of the way. I move it, and soon a chorus of ‘awwws’ and ‘wows’ fills the air. 

“You’re right, he’s gorgeous!” Brooke nods. 

“Right? I wish he could see me now. I’m so hot.” The girls agree. “Wait. Katie...I have an idea.”

~~~

A Few Hours Later

Nick’s POV

Yawning, I put my phone on charge and place it on the nightstand. The boys and I had had a fun night together, but I was exhausted, so I decided to go to bed. As I close the curtains, I hear my phone start buzzing on the nightstand. I pick it up, and a bunch of text notifications from Katie pop up on the screen. Chuckling to myself, I open the texts. If I know anything about Katie, I know she’ll most likely be drunk by this point. A picture of Y/N flashes up on the screen, accompanied by a text saying: 

“LOOK HOW GORGEOUSSSSS MY SISTER LOOKS!!!!!!! BET YOU MISS HER, HUH?!” and about a million emojis. I tap on the picture of Y/N, enlarging it. Katie obviously took it whilst she was getting ready, unbeknownst to Y/N. She’s smiling as she applies her makeup, and is looking over at one of the bridesmaids, probably laughing at a joke or something. I smile. She looks so...natural? I’ve been so used to seeing Y/N being fake happy to appease either myself or her sister, and seeing her naturally, with a big smile on her face, not knowing anybody’s watching or taking her photo...she looks beautiful. I mean, she always looks gorgeous, but this time...she looked even more gorgeous. Radiant even. I didn’t even know that was possible. And Katie was right. I do miss her. It was crazy, I’ve only known her for two weeks at this point, but she was quickly becoming someone I cared about, and someone I wanted to see after the wedding. I mean, we had almost kissed...which I initiated...and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t wished that we had kissed. I don’t think I’ll be forgetting her that quickly. 

I scroll down, and notice a video, which Katie has helpfully captioned with “4 u ;)” I hit play. Y/N Is standing by a karaoke machine, wearing a black sequined jumpsuit, a pink maid of honour sash, and a tiara. She looks great.

“This is for youuuu Nick!” She calls, sounding pretty drunk, pointing directly into the camera. The music starts playing, and I start laughing as soon as I recognise it. It’s Dancing Queen by ABBA. Of course. Y/N immediately starts singing and dancing around the stage. She told me earlier on she couldn’t sing, but she was actually pretty good. I find myself softly singing along as she sings. Soon, the song ends, and she takes a bow to thunderous applause from the bar. She comes running up to Katie’s phone. “Were you filmin?” She asks, before looking right into the camera. “NICK! I hope you enjoyed that, even though you have NO TASTE!!! See you on Sunday!” She blows a kiss to the camera, making me smile. “...Oooh is that more champagne?” She asks, immediately walking away, making me laugh. I type out a text to Katie:

“You’re right. She does look gorgeous. Tell her I enjoyed the song. Enjoy the rest of your night girls x” I put my phone back on the nightstand and get into bed. Sighing, I look up at the ceiling. What is it with me? Y/N has been occupying my thoughts ever since she and Katie left, and I have no idea why. “You know why, you idiot.” Part of me tells myself. “It’s because you like her.” No, that can’t be it...can it? I mean, I had almost kissed her. Oh shit. Maybe I did like her. I prop myself up on my elbow and pick up my phone again. I start scrolling through my photos from the past two weeks. Y/N’s in almost every one. I feel butterflies within as I see her face smiling back at me. Oh god. I think I do like her. But there’s no way she feels the same. 

~~~

The Next Morning

Y/N’s POV

Groaning, I sit up in bed. My head is starting to pound. Getting out of bed, worming my way around the pairs of heels and accessories left on the floor, I walk into the bathroom, gasping when I see myself in the mirror. My mascara is running, my eyeshadow is smudged, and there is glitter all over my face. Sighing, I get undressed and hop in the shower, letting everything wash away with all the soapy water. Once I’m out, I hear Katie’s voice from the other side of the door, and she frantically knocks. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Are you in there?!” She asks. I open the door and see her shocked face on the other side. 

“What? Do you need to puke?” I ask, standing aside.

“NO! LOOK!” She thrusts her phone at me. I take it and look down at it. It’s displaying her texts to Nick. 

“You sent him the video of me singing karaoke?!” I exclaim. Katie frowns. 

“You told me to? And no! I don’t mean that!!” She snatches her phone back and scrolls down. “Look what Nick sent!” She orders. Taking the phone back, I read the message.

“You’re right. She does look gorgeous.” I immediately block out the rest of the message. Those words replay in my mind. Nick....thinks I look gorgeous? Katie is staring at me, clearly waiting on my response...but I can’t think of anything to say. My mind and my heart feel like they’re racing at 100 miles per hour. I mean, it’s not like he outright admitted he was in love with me or anything...but in a way...he kind of did? Holy shit. I don’t even know how I feel about him. I mean, we have almost kissed already, but that doesn’t mean anything, does it? Who am I kidding, of course it means something. It means that I must like him too, or I wouldn’t have almost kissed him. My mind immediately flashes back to the times people thought Nick and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, or telling us we would make a cute couple, how I didn’t want to leave Nick for this weekend...and realisation dawns on me. The reason why I liked being told that, and why I enjoyed being with Nick...is because I wanted it. Do I...like Nick? As in...like, like? ...I think I might?

“Y/N...are you okay?” Katie asks. “You’re kinda spaced out.”

“Yeah, I’m wonderful.” I lie. I feel like my world has been turned upside down, or like the rug has been pulled out from under me, and I might collapse at any moment. Katie raises an eyebrow.

“Y/N...you promised me that if something’s going on, you’d tell me what it was. I can tell something’s up, and I want to know what. Please? You’re my sister. I want to know if something’s bothering you.” She reminds me, and I sigh.

“Fine. We’ll go for some coffee before brunch, and I’ll tell you. Now, will you PLEASE let me get dressed in peace?!”

~~~

Later

I take a sip of my coffee, letting it soothe me and my slowly developing hangover. Katie sits across from me, looking expectantly as she waits on me admitting what’s been going on with me...that I think I have a crush on Nick. Sighing, I meet her gaze...and start telling her everything. How close we’ve grown, how everyone we’ve met thinks we’d be cute together, our almost kiss, how excited I was to see him again, and...how I think I’m falling for him. When I’ve stopped, Katie stares at me silently for what feels like an eternity. I knew she’d need some time to process this...but not this long. “Uh...Katie?” I start, and she immediately cuts me off.

“I KNEW IT!” She gasps, letting out a squeal that makes some of the people in the coffee shop stare. I flush pink, but she doesn’t even notice. “God Y/N, I thought it was going to be something worse than this.” She admits. She sees my pink face and continues. “Y/N. A few days ago, I told you that I’ve seen how happy he makes you, and how it’s like when Adam and I first met. It’s SO OBVIOUS that you like him. Actually...” She giggles, stopping only to take a drink of her coffee. “I didn’t tell you, but last night you were talking about him all the time. Like for the whole night. I think the rest of the girls were too drunk to notice, but I wasn’t. Every five minutes, it was ‘do you think Nick would like this?’ ‘Nick said this...’ ‘Nick said that...’ ‘He’s so cute!’ ‘I want Nick to know how cute I look tonight!’ And now, he does! All thanks to me.” She grins triumphantly. “But seriously Y/N. It’s so obvious. To be honest, I knew that you probably liked him from that first meal in the diner, when you kicked me in the shin.”

“Sorry about that by the way.”

“No, no, don’t be silly! It’s fine. You did that every time I almost spilled your crushes to Grandma. I know you too well. BUT, I did NOT know about this almost kiss though!!!” She squeals again, thankfully quieter this time. “My sister’s getting with the best man!” I quickly shush her.

“No! Nick cannot know. At least, not yet.” She frowns at me. “For one, I have no idea if he even likes me in that way, and second, I am not doing anything to jeopardise your wedding.” Katie scoffs.

“Who cares about my wedding?! My big sister’s finally found the one!” 

“Okay, that’s a bit much, I don’t even know if-”

“Oh, please. I have a feeling that he likes you too, and that you two will be happy for many years to come.” She taps the side of her head as if she’s made a breakthrough, before going back to her coffee. “So...when are you gonna tell him?”

“Katie, did you not hear what I just said? I’m not going to. At least not yet. I do want to know if he likes me back, but I don’t want to take away from your wedding.” She reaches over and takes my hand. 

“Y/N. As your little sister and the bride, you have my blessing to declare your feelings to Nick before my wedding. Seriously. It’s okay. I just want you to be happy.” I smile.

“Thanks sis.” I sigh. She gets down off her seat and hugs me.

“I love you.” She whispers.

“I love you too.”

“...Oh by the way, when I said ‘who cares about my wedding?’ Yeah, well I still care about it. Even though you have my blessing, please don’t let anything go wrong.” I chuckle.

“I won’t. I promise.”

~~~

The Next Day: Sunday - 5 Days til the Wedding

Nick’s POV

Adam’s practically bouncing on his heels as the two of us wait on Katie and Y/N coming back from the bachelorette party. It was cute, though. I had seen his relationship with Katie grow over the years, and was honoured they asked me to be part of their special day. It was so clear how much they loved each other. 

“Dude, calm down.” I smile. “They’ll be here soon.”

“Sorry.” He blushes. “I’ve just been missing Katie, and it’s so close to the wedding now, I’m just...I’m excited to be her husband! I’ll try and calm down.” I smile.

“It’s okay. I just don’t want Katie to come home and find out her fiancé got so excited I had to scrape his body off of the ceiling.” Adam and I laugh.

“So...how about you and Y/N, huh? You excited to see her again?” I nod. Of course I was. “And then you two can finally have that talk.” I frown, looking at him. Did he...did he know? “Oh please, Nick. I’ve seen the way you talk about her. You don’t make it very subtle. You like her, don’t you?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Not as a friend, as in...that way.” 

“How did you know?” I ask, not even trying to deny it. He chuckles. 

“It’s pretty obvious dude. Both Katie and I have noticed.” Before I can even say anything, he holds his hands up, stopping me. “Don’t worry. Katie and I don’t mind if you and Y/N get together. We just want you both to be happy.” I stand there in silence for a while, not knowing what to say. I mean, he was right, of course...and he gave me his blessing to be with Y/N if it came to that, so what was the issue? Well, of course, she might not like me back...but it was worth a try. “Are you going to talk to her?” Adam asks, looking at me expectantly. 

“...I guess?” I say before even thinking about it. Adam grins and pulls me into a hug. 

“Good luck.” He smiles. Yeah, what could possibly go wrong? Oh right, everything. Soon after, we hear a car pulling up to the house, and we open the door to see the girls getting out and unloading their suitcases and bags. My stomach twists into knots. Katie and Adam spot each other and immediately run into each other’s arms. Walking past them, Y/N walks into the house, standing in the doorway. 

“Hey, Nick.” She smiles softly. The sun behind her illuminates her hair, backlighting her in a golden glow. God, she’s gorgeous. 

“Uh...Hi!” I gasp, quickly realising I hadn’t replied to her. The two of us stand awkwardly silent for a few moments.

“WELL uh, I think I’m going to take these upstairs.” Y/N suddenly announces, making her way towards the stairs. 

“Need a hand?” 

“No! I mean uh...no, I’ll be fine. Thanks Nick.” She walks upstairs, leaving me frowning in the hallway. Why is she being so weird? You don’t think she...oh no. Does she know? Does she know that I think I like her? Does she not feel the same? Oh god, she doesn’t. That’s why she’s so awkward around me. Well, more so than usual. Katie walks into the house and gives me a hug. She winks at me as she also heads upstairs, confusing me even more. What is going on with those two? Sighing, I decide to make us all some tea. As I sit in the living room, drinking my cup, Y/N comes and sits beside me on the couch. “Oh! Thanks, Nick.” She smiles, taking a cup of tea. “So...did you have a nice weekend without us?” She asks. No. I missed you too much. I want to say, but instead, I say:

“Yeah! It was good. We just played some video games.” I immediately curse myself for saying I had a good weekend without her. Now she’ll think I hate her. However, Y/N smiles at that.

“That’s good. Katie told me you saw my karaoke video. Did you like it?” 

“Yeah, I did. You know, you told me you couldn’t sing, but you’re good.” She laughs.

“I don’t think so, but thanks Nick.” She smiles. She glances up as Katie and Adam walk into the room. “I need to talk to you later.” She whispers, before greeting them both. My stomach starts twisting again. Oh god, she’s going to tell me that she doesn’t feel the same, isn’t she? Dammit. Why do I always fall too hard for a girl then end up disappointed? Katie and Adam continue talking to us both, too caught up in the excitement of seeing each other again even to notice how silent Y/N and I are. The atmosphere is shattered by the sound of a car pulling up outside. The four of us look at each other, clearly confused. Nobody else is meant to be staying here now, just us four...so who’s that?

“Did one of your groomsmen forget something?” Y/N asks. Adam and I shake our heads. “And it’s not one of us, because they’re staying in the local hotel, right, Katie?” Katie huffs. 

“It better not be one of them, because I TOLD THEM this house didn’t have enough room for anyone other than us.” A knock sounds at the door. Huffing again, Katie gets up. “Let me handle this.” She sighs. “If it’s our flower vendors, I swear to god, I told them to deliver stuff to the VENUE, NOT HERE.” We hear her voice disappearing down the hallway, and the three of us go back to our tea, expecting Katie to reappear moments later with a quick explanation. Sure enough, we soon hear: “What are YOU doing here?!” Y/N places her cup down and gets up.

“I’ll help her deal with this. Don’t want any issues, like last time.” She gives me a knowing look, and I chuckle lightly. Adam and I go back to scrolling through our phones and drinking tea, until the sound of “Oh, my GOD!” cuts through the air. Frowning, Adam and I look at each other. That was Y/N’s voice. The two of us get up and walk towards the front door. A man stands in the doorway, looking at Y/N and Katie. He hasn’t noticed us yet. Y/N is holding Katie’s hand, clearly squeezing it for dear life, but neither of them says anything. Either to us, the man or each other. Their faces are pale. The man looks over at Adam and I. 

“Ah! Hello there! Now, which of you is the groom?” He asks. 

“Um, I am?” Adam frowns. The man smiles.

“I see! Wonderful to meet you!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but who are you? Can we help you?” I ask. The man chuckles.

“Of course! Where are my manners?!” He asks. “I’m Robert Miller.” He gestures over at the girls, still ghostly pale. “And these two lovely ladies...are my daughters.”

[theasstour]

𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷 𝓡𝓮𝓯𝓵𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓘𝓷 𝓪 𝓣𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓸𝓸𝓵 𝓫𝔂 𝓜𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓪𝓷𝓷𝓮 𝓝𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱

𝓯𝓲𝓬 𝓹𝓪𝓰𝓮 | 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽: 15k 𝓝𝓑: 𝓪𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓱𝓸𝓵, 𝓮𝔁𝓹𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓲𝓽 𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓾𝓪𝓰𝓮, 𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓼𝓮𝔁𝓾𝓪𝓵 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽, 𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮

A/N: biggest thanks to @shepherald for being bb’s italian auntie! ilysm!

Friday, 9 August 2019

First thing Y/N realised when she woke up was that she was still wearing her dress. Her thighs and neck were clammy from having slept a full summer night in too many layers. Slowly, she opened her eyes, only to realise that the hard thing she was resting her neck on was an arm. Harry laid on his back, arm outstretched for Y/N while the other one was bent and rested on the pillow above his head. During the night, Viola had gotten into bed with them. She laid comfortably right between them, cosying up in each of their body heat without a care in the world.

The morning outside was sunny as it always was, birds chirping, and an old moped struggling up the hill through Fosdinovo. The sheer white curtains swayed ever so slightly with the wind, swishing along the floor, the motion almost lulling Y/N back to sleep. But then she averted her eyes to look at her companion instead.

Harry’s mouth was open ever so slightly, eyes closed, his short dark eyelashes contrasting starkly with his skin even though he had acquired quite a tan always working outside. He looked so peaceful like that. Nothing bothered him. He was so completely taken by sleep, chest moving in a comforting rhythm, and if you looked close enough, you could just see the slight vibrations of the beating of his heart with the ruffles resting on his chest.

“Know you’re awake.”

His voice was much darker in the mornings. His vocal cords rough, eyes still closed, but Y/N could tell they were a little swollen from a short sleep. At the sound of his voice she blinked a little, watching him breathe steadily for a few seconds before she found her words.

“You’re awake.”

“And you’re not snoring anymore.” He said, eyes fluttering open. They landed on the ceiling right above them but slowly, like he was preparing himself for something, he glanced at her. A curl fell onto his forehead, Y/N was tempted to reach up and place it back where it’d been earlier, but she thought he looked almost prettier like this; a little dishevelled, completely relaxed, not caring about anything but her.

She huffed, readjusting her head so that the pressure of Harry’s arm was on a different spot. “Got a lot of nasal tissue that flops around, makes me snore loads.”

“Know that’s why people snore. I don’t mind you snoring.”

Harry started moving around as well, but his intentions of getting closer to Y/N halted when he noticed Viola placed neatly between them. With his free hand, he reached down and stroked Viola gently, watching as she stretched and leaned into his touch. Y/N watched Harry’s face, the tiniest of smiles tugging at the corners of her lips. Somehow, the fact that Harry didn’t mind her snoring, when it had been something she’d struggled with her whole life, meant more to her than she thought it would.

“Make a lot of noise while you’re awake and while you’re asleep.”

Y/N laughed at this, and seeing Harry giggle as well awoke all the butterflies in her tummy.

“I’m just an early riser.” He continued, looking up at her again. Bloody hell, his eyes… she thought, admiring how they looked golden in the early morning light.

“And if I can sleep till 2pm, I will.” Y/N said, yawning.

“Basically,” Harry started as he lifted his hand off of Viola to touch Y/N. But Viola quickly started moving, demanding his attention. He placed his hand back on her. “You’re saying you don’t like waking up early. Like, at all.”

“I’d rather be sleeping.” She closed her eyes again, cursing Viola for having Harry wrapped around her little finger.

“Do you want me to leave so you can sleep some more?”

“Why can’t I sleep while you’re here?”

She could hear the small smile in his voice as he said, “Thought you might want to be alone.”

Y/N opened her eyes, raising her eyebrows at him. “When do I ever?”

For some reason, the smile that had been on Harry’s lips slowly evaporated. Some kind of seriousness filled his face, it took Y/N a bit by surprise. This time, he didn’t care about Viola’s complaints as he removed his hand. Gently, he placed it on Y/N’s cheek, his thumb caressing her so lightly that she wouldn’t have felt it if all her senses hadn’t focused on Harry in front of her and his touch. She noticed him swallowing, saw his Adam’s apple bob with his struggle to remove the lump from somewhere in his throat.

“Non andartene, celeste.” He mumbled so faintly it was basically a whisper.

“Hm?” her eyes were wide, waiting for Harry to translate for her.

His eyes fell to her shoulder, letting his hand stroke down her cheek, jaw, and neck. Sliding his index finger tenderly over her outline; the crook of her hips, the soft edges of her waist. All she knew in those seconds were his finger, nothing else mattered.

“I’ve painted this landscape multiple times,” he said, eyes on his wandering hand. “Can paint it by memory now.”

Had he? Painted it – her – by memory? Had he thought about her as much outside of work as she had about him? Had they wasted weeks trying to be polar opposites when they weren’t? Had they tried to hate one another longer than they had to because they knew giving in, admitting that there was something there, would hurt more than ignoring it altogether?

“Wonder if I’ll ever be able to visualise the physical pain I feel in my chest when I think about you leaving in six days.”

She didn’t want to think about that. There was a whole life waiting for her back home in England; uni, obligations, her family, friends. But she did not want to leave Italy; did not want to leave Harry. Not after everything they’d just admitted and all the time they had to make up for. Six days wasn’t enough; would never be enough. She was simply not strong enough to lay in her bed, looking at Harry who had promised not to leave her, and think about the fact that she was leaving in under a week.

She got up from the bed, walking over to the wardrobe. She heard Harry sitting up in bed, felt him watch her as she opened the double doors and reached for something laying on the little top shelf.

“When I first moved into the flat, I found a painting in this wardrobe.” She pulled it down, taking a glance at the autumn painting depicting a gravel path leading nowhere into darkness. Turning around, she walked back over to the bed, handing the painting to Harry. “That’s only one of like, two of your paintings I’ve really seen, other was one of the sea back in your house. Mind if I ask what inspired this one?”

Harry held up the painting, eyes taking it in feverishly like he was scanning it for past mistakes. Lips parted, he let out a deep sigh that had been held in for what felt like years. Resting it on his knees he continued to just look at it, clearly not having thought about this exact piece in a long while. Y/N sat down in bed, bringing her feet up with her and leaning on her hand as she joined him in looking at the painting.

“It’s the drive to my house back in Manchester. The drive up to my childhood home, or… this is facing the other way.” He explained, dragging his finger gently along the gravel path. “It’s what you see when you’re leaving.” He shifted the attention of his finger to the trees of different colours. “Autumn, the dull colours…” he trailed off, as if reliving a memory he’d almost suppressed; something he’d pushed so far into the back of his head it had almost vaporised and disappeared into nothingness. “This was when I left home, when I first moved to London.” He pointed at the darkness at the end of the gravel path. “That’s the end of the road, I couldn’t make it out clearly. My future, I mean. It’s all supposed to represent uncertainty.”

“I can see that.” Y/N nodded, studying the painting as Harry removed his hand. “You lived in London before you moved to Italy?”

“Yeah,” Harry studied the painting. “Moved out when I was 18, had some money from working retail since I was 15. Saved up and all that. Moved to London where I sold my first painting, and quickly started painting more for more people. After three years of that, I felt like I was drained, I needed to find someplace else where I could find inspiration. Life in London wasn’t it anymore. So, I moved to Italy.” He took a deep breath. “Had some idea of what I was getting myself into, knew the language some, so I went to Milan. Lived there till I was around 23, doing the same I did in London; selling paintings till I was drained and tired of the place.”

“How can you get tired of Milan?”

Harry huffed. “There’s enough to do in Milan and the city’s beautiful, but the people on the other hand…”

Y/N chuckled. “What?”

“Let’s just say some of the entitled twat millionaires I painted for made it easy to leave.”

She smiled, glancing at the painting as Harry continued to talk.

“Didn’t want to leave Italy, though, so I moved to Rome, did the same there for about a year. City drained me, as you can tell by the previous pattern.”

She giggled.

“And then I moved up North to Tuscany; to Fosdinovo. Thought maybe a small village would do me good as I’d only ever lived in major cities my entire life.” Harry fell quiet, a slight crease forming between his eyebrows. “For the first time since Jamie, I made a genuine friend. Or I thought I did.” He fell quiet, taking a breath. “Salvatore and I got on right away. He taught me some Italian, I showed him how to paint and draw, and I let him in, didn’t hold anything back. I got to be part of his friend group; Carina, Rin, and Meo. The five of us hung out all the time, and some of those days were the best of my life.” He rested his hands on top of the canvas. “Suddenly though, I realised I’d taken a proper fancy to Carina. Gotten myself a little crush. Got all blushy when she was around and all that stuff. Somehow managed to ask her out on a date and she accepted. I was excited about this, so I went to my closest friend in Fosdinovo to ask advice on where to take her. When Salvatore heard those news, he didn’t seem as excited as I thought he was gonna be. Two of his mates were dating, wasn’t that something to be happy about?”

Harry rose from the bed, walking over to the wardrobe and placing the painting back where Y/N had kept it all summer.

“But I went on the date, and Carina… she didn’t seem that interested. She looked around all the time, which was fair, everyone’s allowed to look wherever they wanna.” Harry scratched at his jaw. “Kind of broke my heart a little, ‘cause I’d gone through the trouble of asking her out, but she didn’t fancy me like that after all. But it’s fine. It was worth a shot, I guess. Even though it made me look like a right fool. I walked her home and apologised if I’d made this awkward, though she assured me I hadn’t.”

Harry sat down on the floor before the bed so he was facing Y/N properly. Viola suddenly jumped down and snuggled into his leg, he immediately started petting her.

“When I got back to my house… Salvatore was sat on my steps, very clearly drunk, and insisted that he needed to tell me something. He said we had to take it inside ‘cause someone could overhear and he didn’t want that…” Harry frowned, eyes on Viola. “I feel like I’ve got no business saying this because it’s Salvatore’s right to say it out loud, not me but… he told me he was in love with me, that… that he knew I loved him, too. When I told him I loved him as a brother, he got quiet for like a minute before he told me he was only joking around, and then left in a hurry.”

Y/N was about to say something but stopped herself.

“Salvatore isn’t out yet, and I don’t even know what he identifies as – not that I need to -, so I shouldn’t have said that… but it’s part of the whole story and why living here the past year or so has been shit.” Harry sighed. “We didn’t talk to each other for a week, and when I finally met with the gang again, Sal and Carina sat very close. She… she pulled me aside and told me she hoped it was fine that she was dating Salvatore.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say. It all made so much more sense now, and she understood the awkward tension at the pub the week prior.

“Told her she was free to date whoever she wanted to.” Harry continued, scratching Viola behind her ears. Y/N saw his shoulders move with a deep sigh. “I was the newest member of the little group, and now also the most controversial as being there only made things unpleasant and tense with Sal and Carina and I. So, I took a step back and slowly isolated myself from the whole friend group.”

Y/N wanted to reach over and take Harry’s hand. Wanted to show him that no matter what, he didn’t have to feel as shitty as he once had. She was there.

“Suddenly the whole town knew, as it always does, and I just stayed in my house. When I finally left It, people were looking at me funny and it was… embarrassing. I felt proper stupid. I had already put up a wall from my past experiences back home, growing up basically without parents and always being the second choice every time, I’ve never really had anyone close, but this… being left and being alone again… it hurt.”

There was a heaviness in Y/N’s chest after hearing Harry talk. Hearing how bad he’d felt, how bad the people he considered to be his closest companions had treated him, it made her feel so incredibly sad. She never wanted him to feel like that. Never again.

She didn’t take her eyes off him as she said, “Carina was in love with Salvatore the whole time? While she was on a date with you?”

Harry nodded. “Think she tried to date me to get a reaction out of Salvatore, and though that’s a shitty move, she’s not a bad person, I swear.”

Y/N sighed, dragging a hand through her hair. “Yeah, I know. She seems very nice.”

Harry glanced at her for a few moments, eyes scanning her face. Once he figured she was being sincere with her compliment to Carina, he glanced back down at Viola. Y/N bit her lip, trying not to ask the question that was resting at the tip of her tongue. Though she had always found it very hard to resist talking.

“Is that why you fall in love so easily?”

Harry looked up at her again. “How do you mean?”

“With Carina being so nice and all…”

“You mean if I fall in love easily because people are nice to me?”

“Dunno,” Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “That’s how I fell for Noah. He treated me better than others, he was very nice to me, so I fell in love.”

“Think there’s more to falling in love than that,” Harry said, letting a small chuckle leave his lips before he lifted his gaze to look at her. “I mean, I’ve-“ Just as their eyes met, he stopped talking. It was as if his brain had built a protective wall somewhere in his throat, refusing him to say whatever his heart wanted him to.

Y/N felt her body grow hot and she looked away, just as Harry cleared his throat, still looking at her.

“Look,” he started, clearly eager to forget what had just happened. “Do you still wanna go to the wedding after what happened last night? We don’t have to.”

She huffed, picking at some fluff on her duvet. “Harry, you can still go-“

“-I’m not going without you.”

Her fingers tingled, Harry’s words doing wonders as they always did when he used them right. He sounded genuinely desperate, something that made her very happy, as she wanted him to want her around like she wanted him around. Mutually crazy about one another.

She sighed. “I’ll feel bad for Marco if I don’t show up and taste his cake. Could we maybe only attend the reception?”

“Got it.” Harry gave Viola a small boop to her nose before he got up from the floor. “I’ll pick you up around seven, yeah?”

“You’re leaving?”

As he reached the front door, he turned around. A hand on the door handle and the other one in his pocket. “I… I have to deal with something. I’ve been postponing the meeting all morning ‘cause I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”

Y/N furrowed her brows at him, ignoring Viola as she started meowing for Harry to cpme back so he could cuddle her. “I woke up before you.”

A crooked smile appeared on his face. “No.”

She bit her lips together, refusing to let herself burst out into fists of giggled because she thought Harry looked fit with that wry smile on his face. Besides, he had stayed in bed, not moved a single muscle, because he didn’t want to wake her.

“And I also promised to tell you everything last night. I don’t break a promise.”

Fuck it, she thought, grinning at him.

“I’ll pick you up at seven.” Harry repeated, turning the handle and opening the door.

“Rin told me the other day that Italian wedding receptions start around 3pm.” Y/N blurted out; Harry stopped. “If we’re skipping the church bit, won’t we have to show up at 3pm?”

Harry shook his head. “I couldn’t give less of a fuck, to be honest. We show up when we want to.”

Y/N smiled a little.

“If we’re going to go by Italian wedding rules, we also have to show up and give the couple money as a wedding gift.”

She furrowed her brows. “Money? Not anything else? You can’t be creative?”

“It’s called la busta. Basically you give the couple money so you can pay for your part in the reception, if it makes sense?” Harry shrugged his shoulders. “They put the money together at the end and pay the restaurant back, and all that. The remaining sum is used on their honeymoon. But since Fosdinovo is basically just a huge family, I doubt Salvatore and Carina have to pay much.”

“Ahh,” Y/N nodded. “Can you give normal gifts as well?”

“Probably, but it’s not normal for people to. Think if you’re a close friend and you had money problems, for example, you could give another gift to the couple.”

Y/N nodded again, giving him a smile. “Alright. I won’t keep you from your meeting.”

“See ya then.”

He nodded, taking a final look at her sitting on her bed, the bright morning sun shining in on her. “Have a good day, Y/N.” And then he closed the door.

Y/N quickly looked down at Viola who was sleeping on the floor now, just where Harry had left her. Sighing, she ran a hand over her cat’s fur, nodding her head a little.

“I know, Viola. I know.”

Y/N loved dressing up. Putting on nice clothes made her feel good about herself, it made her feel fancy and pretty. She liked feeling that way. So she usually made an effort when she woke up in the mornings, just because she knew she herself would appreciate it.

For the reception, Y/N had put on a black satin pleated midi dress along with her knee socks. Though the Italian summer was humid and hot, she knew Harry would like her wearing them, and she’d put them on just to see his reaction. She was sat doing her makeup when her phone buzzed with a text. Eager to see who wanted to get a hold of her, Y/N checked her phone, though she had to take a little double take at first to make sure she got the name correctly.

Rin Where are you?

Y/N was flattered that Rin had waited for her arrival, but confused as to why she thought she’d show up after everything.

Y/N Home.

Rin Why? You were invited to the wedding, weren’t you?

This had her frowning and she quickly typed out a response.

Y/N Yes, but I didn’t want to go.

Rin What’s going on?

Y/N It’s Salvatore innit? He didn’t tell me he was getting married.

This caused Rin to halt for a few seconds.

Rin He never told you?

Y/N No, does he act like he did with me around other girls too? Is that why you didn’t stop him at the pub?

Rin He flirts harmlessly, but that was way over the line. I didn’t know how to properly react.

Y/N ran a hand through her hair, hating this whole situation. Rin had become her mate and she should’ve told her she wasn’t coming. But at the same time, why had Rin expected her to?

Y/N That’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. I’ll see you at the reception.

Rin Can’t wait!

Y/N smiled a little, putting her phone down to finish her makeup. However, she was very rudely interrupted not long after by a pebble hitting her window. Immediately, she knew who it was. She looked outside, seeing Harry stand on the street below, looking up at her with a soft smile on his face. He was wearing a skinny velvet tuxedo blazer in navy blue, a black turtleneck under it, tucked into skinny trousers that were held in place by a black belt. Though he had dressed all elegantly the night before, Harry had chosen a more relaxed look for a wedding he obviously did not want to be part of.

“You’re taking too bloody long.” He complained, making Y/N roll her eyes at him.

“Why couldn’t you just knock on my door like a normal person?”

“Because I’m not a normal person.”

“No, you’re not.” Y/N shook her head some. “I’ll be down in a sec.”

So she put everything she needed in her little purse, made sure she looked good, and then turned to Viola, giving her a peck to her forehead before she left. She was shoving her keys into her purse when she reached the ground floor, just looking up at Harry as she came outside. He looked even better from up close, very well put-together and incredibly fit. As he always was.

“You’re quite chilled for the occasion.” She remarked, giving him a smile. “You look good.”

“And you…” Harry let his eyes scan her body, caressing her like his hands had done the night before. She suddenly felt very flustered, but in the very best way. She never wanted him to stop looking at her like that. Their eyes met again, and still, Harry didn’t know what words to use.

“Viola got your tongue?”

Harry blinked.

“’Cause she’s a cat.”

Harry quickly shook his head twice, as if he was suddenly coming back down to earth from an intense daydream. “I… I didn’t hear what you just said… but yes. Cat.”

Y/N laughed, starting to walk up the street. “Let’s get to this wedding, yeah?”

It didn’t take long for them to reach the city centre where the reception was held. The restaurants around the town square had put out all their tables, white tablecloth and white roses in elegant vases on each one. Veins of green with white roses and the occasional light hung across the square, giving it a dim lighting so people could dance to the music and see properly. Fosdinovo wasn’t very well lit usually, most likely because of its rural positioning and the few people that lived there. They had simply not bothered putting up that many streetlights. But all the houses around the square and the lights that were hung up across it lit everything, and it was easy to make out everyone in the warm yellow illumination now.

As they approached the square, they were quick to find a place to sit, both scanning the crowd for any familiar faces they didn’t particularly want to encounter that night. Namely Salvatore. While looking around, Y/N’s eyes fell on a familiar figure that was waving enthusiastically, a huge grin on his face that made his small eyes disappear behind his layers of wrinkles. She waved back at Marco, seeing him gesture at the table with all the desserts, then at the huge wedding cake that there wasn’t much left of.

“I’ll go say hi to Marco quick.” Y/N said, getting up from her seat.

“Right.” Harry nodded, still looking around for anyone that might want to cause him and or both of them harm.

“Hey,” Y/N laid her hand on his resting on the table. “It’ll be fine. Swear I’ll be back in 5 minutes.”

He nodded again and she gave him a tiny squeeze before she walked off. Marco was greeting her with his sunshine smile when she approached, pointing at his cake and then at himself.

“Not bad, no?” he said, smiling at someone who came over to treat themselves to a slice.

“It looks amazing, and I bet it tastes even better.”

“It does, it does. You have to taste it and bring a piece to signor Styles as well.” Marco busied himself then with cutting two slices, putting them on two plates. “But first, you try.”

Y/N smiled at him, getting herself a fork as Marco held the plate out to her. She dug into it, taking her time to chew to get all the flavour and to really savour the cake. Widening her eyes and nodding, she let Marco know it tasted amazing before she swallowed and had an opportunity to speak for herself.

“It’s delicious.”

“Well, of course!” He laughed, handing her the other plate. “You two have fun, yes?”

“We came for the cake.”

Marco laughed, not detecting the truth that was clothed as a lie, something Y/N was very thankful for because she hadn’t been able to stop herself from saying that and it could’ve ended very badly. Giving each other one last smile, Y/N trotted off toward Harry again who was now sitting at their table with two drinks.

“You plan on getting drunk?” she asked, sitting down and placing the cake in front of him.

Harry nodded before gesturing with glass at where Marco and Y/N had stood talking. “Made loads, did he?”

“Yes, and he wanted us to taste the cake.”

“Thank you.” Harry said as Y/N handed him a spoon.

They both took a bite and Y/N sighed deeply, leaning back against the back of the chair. “It’s delicious, innit? Didn’t expect anything less from Marco, he owns the bakery after all.”

Harry nodded as he swallowed, dipping the spoon in for another bite. “Just because you own it doesn’t mean you gotta know how to bake proper.”

“Right,” she held a hand up. “Shut up.”

Harry looked at her through his eyelashes, smiling a little before he swallowed his bite and went in for another one. “Because I’m right?”

“Because Marco made a great cake and we should give him all the praise in the world for it.” She said matter-of-factly, reaching for the glass Harry had placed before her.

“Yeah, alright.”

“What’s this?”

“Sex on the beach.” He reached for his own glass then, taking a huge gulp of it. “Loads of vodka.”

Y/N brought the drink up to her lips, taking a sip of it. “Lovely.”

He smiled and the two ate and drank in silence. People were dancing, some were eating, and others were just standing around talking. It felt right that the whole village was there, celebrating someone’s union and forgetting everything bad for just a single night. Everyone’s spirits were so high and Y/N really liked it this way, feeling part of something small yet big; part of something very positive. Harry got up some time later, getting them both a refill before he came back to her. They just sat there drinking for a bit, talking when they felt like it, but for the most part either staring at one another or looking around. It felt comfortable – safe – having the other there; their presence alone made the whole situation a whole lot better. It was when he came back with their third refill, both tipsy and already eager to leave, it was then that the two other chairs at their table were dragged along the cobblestone and two people sat down with them.

“Hi.” Rin said, folding her hands on the table before her.

“What’s up?” Meo smiled, looking far less serious than Rin. Something he always did. He looked at Harry, and Harry looked right back at him, not really knowing what to make of the situation that was unfolding itself before him. Meo gave him a small pat to the back. “Good to see you.”

Harry just nodded in response.

“Salvatore and Carina haven’t seen you two yet and maybe that’s for the best.” Rin said, looking from Y/N to Harry.

Y/N blinked. “You’re saying…?”

“That something will undoubtedly go down when Salvatore sees you two, yes.” Rin sighed, meeting Harry’s eyes. “Especially if he sees you.”

“Let him.” Harry said, taking a large sip of his drink.

“Why?” Rin frowned, clearly annoyed with men’s willingness to square up all the time. “So you can cause a scene?”

“So I can give the wanker what he deserves.”

“Harry.” It was Meo who spoke now, his voice much softer than it usually was. He wasn’t the confrontational type, Y/N had guessed that much, so when he suddenly spoke, it took both Harry and Rin by surprise. “Sal wants a reaction out of you.”

Harry breathed harshly through his nose, getting properly aggravated. “Then he finally gets what he wants from me for once.”

Sensing Harry’s racing heart and rising anger, Y/N placed her hand on his thigh. His warm, muscular thigh. Telling him she was there, that it was all going to be alright if he just calmed down. She noticed him closing his eyes for a second, his heavy breathing slowed. He glanced at Y/N for a second before looking back at Meo once he started talking again.

“Whatever happened between you two, know that Rin and I never wanted you to stop hanging out with us.” He explained, taking Harry by surprise it seemed. “We quite enjoyed your company; thought you were fun to hang out with. Got quite bummed out when you pushed us away.”

“Sal never told us what happened, and we don’t expect you to tell us either, but we want you to know that we miss you.” Rin smiled, telling him that she didn’t mean to come across harsh earlier, she just wanted what was best for him.

“It’s almost been a year now.” Meo reminded him.

Harry’s eyes fell to the table. “I don’t… I don’t want to force you to hang out with me.”

Meo smiled. “We befriended you for a reason.”

Harry smiled a little back, his shoulders visibly relaxing. Hearing a verbal confirmation that he could be friends with Meo and Rin without Salvatore getting in the way meant more to him than either of them would ever understand. “I didn’t want to make you choose, ‘cause I know you lot have been mates with Salvatore longer than me. So, If there was even a choice to begin with – which I didn’t want to know if there was -, I wanted to spare you lot the choosing so I just… isolated myself. I knew you’d choose him over me.”

“It’s not about who you’ve known longest,” Rin said, voice hard as to make Harry properly understand now. “It’s about who’s better for each of us to be around and who’s the least shitty person.”

Harry chuckled a little, taking another sip of his drink.

“I would’ve chosen you, just so you know.” Rin said, no shame in her voice or her straight back. Harry just looked at her, completely dumbfounded.

Meo sighed. “Don’t make it a choice, Rin.”

“Well, I just did.”

“Anyway,” Meo glanced back at Harry, shaking his head some. “Remember when we went to Lerici and we stole that old moped? Drove it till there was no more gas left?”

“And we ended up in the middle of nowhere trying to figure out how we were going to get back to Fosdinovo ‘cause we didn’t know where the fuck we were.”

The three of them laughed, grateful to be reminiscing back to a time all of them appreciated and liked looking back on. Y/N smiled at Harry, she very much enjoyed seeing Harry this at ease.

“You shouldn’t have driven that moped, Meo.” Harry said, giving him a pointed look.

“What?” Meo looked offended, making Rin howl. “Someone should’ve tackled me to the ground and told me not to.”

“Harry should’ve. You don’t stand a chance against a gymnast.” Rin said as Y/N took a sip of her drink.

Meo narrowed his eyes. “And you do?”

“I’m stronger than you.”

Meo didn’t even bother arguing with that.

Harry glanced at them both. “Neither of you can take me, let’s leave it at that.”

They laughed again, and Y/N was so happy to see the three of them back to how they had obviously been before everything had gone down a year ago. Slowly, she removed her hand from his thigh, he was busy having fun with his friends and she wanted him to have this moment to himself. This was what she had waited for for a long time; to see him smiling without being ashamed of it in anyway, talking amongst people he obviously liked the company of. If someone had told her the first week she arrived that this would be her on one of her last days in Italy, she would never have believed them.

Just as her fingers slipped off him, she felt Harry grip her hand, placing it back where it had first been. When she looked up at him again, their eyes met and all those very familiar and very warm butterflies began swarming around her stomach again. Just by sliding the tips of his nails against her palm, spreading her fingers and opening her hand fully for him, he intertwined their fingers so sensually, like he had to brace himself a little before he laid his skin completely against hers. She watched their hands as he did and when he held hers, each of his fingers between each of hers, she felt like whatever he was ever to go through, he’d want her there.

“Don’t.” He whispered so only Y/N could hear.

And then he looked back at Rin and Meo, re-joining the conversation. Y/N smiled a little, loving the feeling of being needed. She focused on the conversation as well. It was fun just being the four of them, talking and not caring about anything else. At some point, Rin saw someone she recognised, and so she left the little group, promising to be back in a minute. But she ended up not coming back, so the rest sat talking till Meo also thought he might mingle for a bit, leaving Y/N and Harry to themselves once again. Y/N watched as Meo approached a small group of older men, one of them his dad it seemed, and when she looked back at Harry, he was already staring at her. She cocked her head to the side.

“What?”

“I’m about to do something that might put us both at risk of embarrassment.”

She couldn’t help her giggle. “Oh no.”

“Dance with me.”

Y/N laughed, squeezing his hand that was still resting on his thigh. She held a hand to her eyes, watching as a smile spread out over Harry’s lips. Dimples showed and he suddenly looked very adorable, contrasting with the turtleneck and the navy blue velvet suit jacket that made him look very hot.

“Unless you don’t want to-“ Harry started, but he stopped himself when Y/N rose, dragging their joined hands off his thigh.

“If you’re ever in doubt, just know I’m always in the mood to embarrass myself. Drunk or not.”

He smiled at her, taking a few seconds to properly take her in before he got to his feet as well. The two walked to the middle of the square where a fair share of others were dancing as well. As they made their way over, The Greatest by Lana Del Rey started playing over the speakers. Harry’s wry smile broke into a proper one as he tugged at Y/N’s hand, bringing her to his chest. He guided her other hand to lay on his shoulder and placed his own on her hip. Together they started swaying to the music.

“I miss Long Beach and I miss you, babe. I miss dancing with you most of all.”

Y/N brought herself closer to Harry, wanting to be as close him as she could. While she was here, she wanted to be with him in every way, wanted to be so close to him so she could remember every single little detail about him. The freckles across his nose, cheeks, and upper lip, the little scar he had under his left eye, how silky smooth his hair was and how it always fell before his eyes. His little giggle and his broad shoulders; his soft skin and hard biceps and abs.

“Those nights were on fire, we couldn’t get higher.”

Harry pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes for a few seconds as he brought her closer to him. She let her eyes wander across his skin, taking in all of him now that she had a chance.

“We didn’t know that we had it all, but nobody warns you before the fall.”

With her thumb on the pulse on his wrist, she felt his heartbeat. Felt it direct all blood through his body, felt it quicken, felt it keep him alive. As he opened his eyes, glancing at her, she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears and feel Harry’s on her finger. He tightened his hold on her, she felt each of his fingers on her back.

“And I pray that you stay, don’t leave I just need a wake-up call.”

She felt his breath against her lips, heating up her entire body.

“I’m facing the greatest.”

He detached his forehead from hers, looking at her so intensely she felt like everything around them stopped existing. They were made of stardust, so who’s to say if their souls can’t be intertwined and make one incandescent body? She knew magic existed, felt it swimming in her veins and wrap itself around her heart when she was with Harry. Surely their bodies could merge and make a star; stay together forever like they were supposed to.

“The greatest loss of them all.”

Harry leaned down, eyes on Y/N’s lips to show her he wanted to kiss her. She cocked her head to match his, about to close her eyes and lose herself in Harry once again, but then a shout was heard and the two of them stopped dead. Y/N looked to her right to see the crowd parting, revealing an enraged Salvatore making his way toward them. Harry let go of Y/N instantly, standing in front of her to protect her from whatever was coming. She took a step to the side, wanting to see Salvatore as he came at them. He lifted his hands when he was close enough, bringing them up to Harry’s chest and pushing him hard.

“Che cazzo ci fai al mio matrimonio?”

Harry took a few steps back, telling Salvatore not to follow by holding a hand up. “I was invited.”

“Who invited you here?”

Harry nodded toward Marco. “Your father.”

For some reason, this shocked Y/N, but it also made a lot of sense. Of course Marco was Salvatore’s father. Salvatore got to leave work whenever he wanted, and got multiple days off whenever he wanted. Looking closely and realising they shared some mannerism, Y/N wondered how this hadn’t clicked earlier.

“Perché lo hai fatto?” Salvatore asked Marco, clearly so mad he could barely stand still.

“Ho solo invitato lui e Y/N, la sua musa.” Marco answered, not seeing anything wrong with that.

Salvatore formed his hands into fists before he looked back at Harry. “I need you to leave.”

“Alright, we will.” Harry nodded, and Y/N could instantly tell by the slow nodding he was doing that he was still tipsy, which might better explain what he said next in front of all the villagers of Fosdinovo. “But first I need you to apologise to Y/N.”

Y/N felt everything within her grow cold.

“Why?” Salvatore was frowning, glancing at Y/N before looking back at Harry.

“I think you know exactly why.”

A pair of heels broke the silence that had taken over the square, and Y/N realised they’d turned the music off. Carina approached them, looking absolutely magnificent in her wedding dress and Y/N wanted to tell her congratulations and well wishes, but stopped herself before she opened her mouth.

Carina stood a few steps behind Salvatore. “Salvatore-“

“-Harry, leave.”

Harry didn’t seem to flinch or draw back at Salvatore’s reply, it looked like he had expected a reply like that. He glanced over at Y/N, who gave him a little nod, telling him it was smart of them to leave before anything happened. She started walking backwards and Harry turned around, following. He didn’t take his eyes off her, shoulders moving with a heavy sigh as if to calm himself down.

“Leave Fosdinovo while you’re at it!” Salvatore yelled after them. “No one wants you here!”

This made Y/N stop, though Harry continued to walk, taking a light grip of her wrist as he passed her. But she didn’t care, she stood her ground, feeling the anger inside her grow to new heights. She didn’t think she had ever been this mad at anyone before.

“At some point you have to give up on being so bloody petty.” Y/N said, a few gasps could be heard from the crowd surrounding them. “There’s no need to hold a grudge against Harry, he can’t change who he is. However,” she took a few steps toward Salvatore, hearing Harry mumble her name, but she didn’t care about anything but to get back at the person who had caused both her and Harry pain. “You can change who you are. You can stop flirting with other people while you’re in a relationship with someone else, stop being petty and bitter, start forgiving people and moving the fuck on. You’re getting married, at least be a good husband to your wife if nothing else.”

Salvatore watched her, neither him nor Carina fully knowing what to say. By the look on Carina’s face, this was not something she wanted to hear at her wedding reception, but right in that moment, Y/N didn’t give much of a fuck.

“I don’t know why you flirted with me or why you even thought it was a good idea, but Carina deserves better than that. Change for her.”

Salvatore opened his mouth slowly, his rage visible on his face. “You thought the flirting was genuine?”

She couldn’t be arsed. She was about to turn around and walk away this time, but then Salvatore started talking again, making her stop abruptly.

“I would never flirt with a fat person.”

This caused people to gasp again and Y/N could hear Harry walking closer, could hear his heavy breathing and feel his entire being grow hotter with fury. Though Y/N hadn’t appreciated the comment, she found herself more repulsed by the person than the actual remark. Growing up, she had gotten so used to people throwing that word at her. Fat. Big. Large. Society associates these words with something negative, gives them a meaning that shouldn’t be; that isn’t supposed to be. You hear it when skinny girls call themselves fat, when they buy themselves something unhealthy to eat, when they buy a bigger size at the store. “I’m fat.” No, you’re not, Y/N would think, and if you were, what’s so bad about being fat? When did the word ‘fat’ get a negative meaning? And why are people afraid of being fat? Of being called fat? Of being associated with ‘fat’? It’s because we have been taught that fat equals ugly. Regardless of what you look like, regardless of your personality, regardless of all the good deeds you’ve ever done; if you’re fat, you’re immediately ugly.

But Y/N wasn’t ugly. She liked her face, liked her personality, liked herself. She loved that if she wiggled her arms fast enough, the fat on her arms would jiggle and it tickled, causing her to laugh. She loved the stretchmarks on her stomach and thighs and tits, because when she was younger and she’d seen her mum’s, she’d always thought her mum looked like a tigress, and now she was one herself. It had taken her a while to get here. Had taken her countless of nights of sleeping naked, and waking up naked as well, looking at herself in the mirror and just studying herself without judgement. It had taken endless walks through the streets of Maldon and London in clothes that showcased her curves instead of hiding them. It had taken years, but she was happy with her fat, big, large, colossal body. And no one, not Salvatore or any other hateful person, was allowed to ruin that. Eight words could never compare to the monumental amount of love she had for herself and everything she’d ever been through.

She gave him a little smile. “No, instead you tried making someone who is larger than you feel bad about themselves because you think being fat means I’m less than you, therefore you can walk all over me. That’s how insecure you are.” She shook her head. “At the end of the day, Salvatore, it’s not the amount of fat on my body that determines my worth or if I’m a good person or not. The good inside of me just takes up more space than it does to you. And thank God for that.”

Y/N was about to turn around and walk away this time, but Harry shot in front of her, on his way toward Salvatore. Quickly, people around her started talking, some even started making their way toward them to stop whatever was about to go down. Harry was about to raise his arm and give Salvatore a firm punch straight to the mouth, but he stopped himself. The whole square fell quiet for a few moments as Harry stood still, lowering his arm. He walked past Salvatore and to the gift table behind him.

“What the fuck…” He said, reaching for something Y/N couldn’t quite see until he’d picked it up and turned around. Harry looked up from the possession in his hand and around at everyone surrounding him. “Who?” he asked, but the town remained quiet. “Who did this?”

“Don’t touch our wedding gifts.” Salvatore said, about to walk toward Harry but when he gave Salvatore the most hateful and enraged look Y/N had ever seen on Harry’s face, he stopped.

Harry kept his eyes on Salvatore as he spoke the next words, making Y/N and everyone else gasp. “This is my painting. It was stolen from my house a few weeks ago.”

Y/N’s entire body went cold and she felt like she couldn’t move, the news had taken her so by surprise. The villagers talked amongst themselves, clearly trying to work out who could’ve given the newlyweds such a disgraceful present.

“Who stole my painting?! Who broke into my home and stole my painting?!” Harry yelled, holding the canvas up with one arm as to show it off to everyone. It was the back of a house. It was white, an elegant winter garden was depicted along with a colourful garden, forest surrounding all of it. The sky was a light blue, fitting the white of the house and the contrasting stark colours of the nature surrounding it. It was so beautiful Y/N almost lost her breath.

“Harry, calm down-“ It was Rin who had tried to break in, but Harry quickly shot down her attempt.

“-No, this person blackmailed me into giving them money or else they’d leak the entire collection I’m currently working on.”

This caused even more uproar and the crowd around seemed to be looking around and discussing as if they could figure out who was the brain behind the crime. Harry glanced over at Salvatore for the first time, pointing the canvas at him.

“Were you in on this, you inbred rat?”

“No! And don’t call me-“

“-Then the absolute brainless wanker who was, who wanted me to give them 800 000 euros in cash or else they’d ruin everything I’ve worked for and all my clients’ trust in me,” Harry looked around at everyone around him. “Can that person speak the fuck up so I can get them arrested?”

It all suddenly made so much sense now. Seeing Harry in that alleyway during her second week here, all those phone calls he made and had to take, Meo saying he’d seen him talk to the police. It was all for this. This had been going on this whole time. That must also have been a reason why he was so cold towards her, maybe he had suspected her at one point. She’d managed to get up into his loft after all, she knew where he kept all his paintings.

“Harry, you’re causing a scene.” Carina said, holding onto the skirt of her long wedding dress.

“Someone stole my painting and gave it to you as a wedding gift.” He said, narrowing his eyes at her as if he couldn’t possibly understand how she didn’t take this more seriously.

“No one would do that!” Salvatore yelled.

“Obviously someone would ‘cause someone did!”

“Don’t talk to me like that this is my wed-“

“-You know, you’re the only one who’s really fighting me on this, do you have something to hide, Salvatore?!”

“Are you accusing me of committing a crime-“

“-Stop.”

And everyone did. The square fell quiet as everyone looked at the person who had just spoken. As Y/N’s landed on them, she felt her heart sink and everything within her hurt. No no no, this couldn’t be true. She looked to Harry and then back at the person, afraid of what the painter’s reaction would be. Harry held the painting in one hand, resting it at his feet, his entire body almost slumping as he saw who had spoken.

“Gioele.” He said, voice sounding so small and taken off guard that it made everything within Y/N scream. Harry just looked shocked, distressed, and mostly he seemed heartbroken. “What…” He shook his head, not really knowing what to make of all of this. The two stared at each other for a while, waiting for the other to say something. Y/N didn’t know what to do. She wanted to help in some way, but she also knew Harry would want to do this by himself. “You… you did this?” When the old man didn’t answer, Harry continued, “Why?”

“It wasn’t hard.” Retorted the old man, not taking his eyes off Harry.

“That wasn’t an answer to the bloody question I asked, was it?” Harry said through gritted teeth, beginning to walk toward Gioele. Thankfully, Meo and Jamie ran forth, stopping Harry from getting any closer. Y/N hadn’t known Jamie would even show up to the wedding, she hadn’t seen them till now, but it was great to see them. They had clearly been invited and asked not to bring their client and best mate. Which would probably have been for the best. “Why did you do it?”

“You live in the house!” Gioele said, raising his voice.

“In what house?”

“The house I used to live in!” Gioele sounded furious now, and as he looked at Harry, it was so obvious he hated him that Y/N was surprised he’d managed to keep a mask on for so long. She would never have thought he hated Harry before. He seemed to have loved him. But it was a lie. “Where I proposed to my wife, where she gave birth to our children, where they grew up. That was our dream home.”

A woman walked over to Gioele, placing a hand on his shoulder as a sign of support, and Y/N could only assume this was his wife. Then Leonardo appeared as well, Gioele’s brother, and Y/N was immediately taken back to visiting his restaurant with Gioele and the nasty stare he had given her. He must’ve known her relationship to Harry and had to hate her.

“We could not afford to live there, so we moved out. Just as we were starting to save up more money, you show up.”

Y/N walked over to Harry now, standing beside Jamie who gave her a confused look, as if they couldn’t bloody believe this was true.

“You never lock your door.” Gioele said, and Y/N felt such a hatred for the old man after he said that, it made her entire body hurt.

“I trust people not to enter my house, we live in a small fucking village. Everyone knows everyone, everyone relies on everyone else.” Harry said, sounding so mad and hurt it was a wonder he hadn’t ran past Jamie and Meo. “I never locked my door ever since I came here.”

“You have so many paintings in your loft.” Gioele said, eyes flickering to Y/N before he looked back at Harry again. He meant the collection. Harry just stared at him.

“Gioele, did you steal any of my other paintings?” he asked, trying to contain his anger.

No answer.

Harry started making moves to walk toward Gioele, and Y/N could tell by his heavy breathing that he wasn’t about to give him a cuddly hug. “Se hai rubato qualcos’altro dalla collezione - Se ne hai rubato uno di Y/N io…”

“Cosa?”

For a few moments, the two just stared daggers at one another, both so mad that Y/N could basically see smoke leaving their nostrils and ears. She understood Harry wanting to hurt Gioele. He had trusted him; fully, completely, and rightfully so. Gioele had been his employee, and Harry had given him a job when he clearly did not have anything else. And the driver had just taken advantage of his position, of knowing when Harry was in his house and when he wasn’t, of driving him everywhere, becoming the least likely subject.

“Harry,” Meo said, squeezing Harry’s shoulder. “I think it may be best if you leave.”

Harry didn’t look away from Gioele, not finished with him till he’d gotten his hands on him.

“I’ll contact the police and tell them Gioele stole your paintings, everyone here are witnesses. You go home and calm down.” Meo continued, trying to best to get Harry in a better mood. “Take your painting, take Y/N, and go home. I’ll update you on the situation.”

Harry nodded, taking a step away from Meo and Jamie. Jamie gave him a pat to the chest and a smile, neither which Harry could return with any kind of gratitude because he was so drained from this whole situation. Harry and Y/N’s eyes met. She just nodded in the direction of his house and Harry sighed heavily, following her on their way out of the square. Carefully, she took the painting from his hands, thinking he might want to walk without it. She didn’t look at it.

“Finalmente,” Salvatore suddenly exclaimed. “Possiamo tornare a festeggiare il matrimonio. Grazie a Dio non dovremmo vedere mai più nessuno di quei due-“

Harry disappeared from Y/N’s side, and before she knew it, she heard a grunt and someone falling. Turning around, she saw Salvatore on the ground, clutching the back of his head, and looking up at Harry like he was crazy.

“For once will you just shut the fuck up?” he said before he turned around walking toward Y/N and shaking his already red hand with a grimace on his face.

Salvatore wiped the blood from the corner of his lip, watching as the two of them walked off. The two didn’t exchange a single word as they made their way back to Harry’s, both thinking back to what had just happened. Y/N couldn’t get over Harry punching Salvatore, or that Gioele had stolen Harry’s painting, or that Harry had been blackmailed this whole time. It all made her head spin and she made a mental note to pour herself a glass of water when they reached the house.

Harry opened the door for her as they reached his house, slamming the door shut after and locking it. The house was so quiet compared to the festivities in the square, but compared to the rushed and blurry way back, it felt like a sort of safe haven. It was peaceful, empty, and the only sound was both of their breathing. She felt him watching her, eyes scanning her for any injuries or anything that would indicate distress. But she was completely fine. She was just mad on Harry’s behalf, infuriated that people had used him so.

He walked over to her, taking the canvas from her hands, and making his way toward the stairs, obviously on his way up to his loft.

“Harry-“

“-I can’t fucking believe this I just… I just can’t.” He said, taking two steps at a time up the stairs.

Y/N followed him. “What’s been going on? Did someone steal… your paintings?”

“Gioele.” Harry said, and Y/N could tell his jaw was tense as he spoke. “Gioele stole my paintings.”

“To get money from you?” she asked, looking overhead to see Harry had just reached the very top of the stairs.

“Yes.” Harry answered, raising his voice as he walked further into the room and away from Y/N, who was still making her way upstairs. “He’s been blackmailing me for weeks now.”

“If you didn’t give him 800 000 euros, he would leak your collection?” she reached the loft as well, suddenly thrown right back to that first time she had seen it. The walls were still white, two French windows and a glass door at the opposite end leading out to a balcony that she knew displayed the countryside surrounding the Fosdinovo mountain. Canvases were still lined up along the walls, there was not a blank one on the easel this time around though. There was no painting where she saw herself, which made her believe he kept those somewhere else now. Smart after what had been going on.

“Yes.” Harry put the painting down, hunching down before it to make sure there wasn’t a scratch on it or any changes done.

“And that painting was part of the collection?”

“Yes.” He ran a finger over it, trying to feel for any change.

“When did this happen?”

He straightened to a standing position, running both hands over his face before he turned around to face her again. “The week after you arrived. Someone stole one of my paintings while I was out on my own filling colours on one of the pieces for the collection. Had an interview with a detective so he could look into it and figure out who it could be.” He paused, furrowing his brows before he looked away from her. “We thought it might’ve been you at first.”

Y/N nodded and her calmness took Harry by surprise, he quickly glanced back at her. “I understand why you’d think that.”

He let out a breath. “Okay. Wicked.”

“But… can you tell me what specifically made you suspect me?”

He looked at her for a bit before he said, “We didn’t have a good tone. Thought you might want to fuck around.”

She let out a breathy chuckle.

“Yeah, I know.” Harry smiled, eyes running over her body. “My suspicions were debunked when you said you were a veterinarian. Especially when you took care of Viola.”

“Why?”

“You take care of people. You care about others.” He said simply, like it didn’t need more explanation than that.

She just looked at him, sensing there was more. Harry licked his bottom lip, biting into it before he let out an almost nervous chuckle.

“Also around then that I kinda…” he motioned with his hand. “When I started falling in love with you.”

She tried not to let it show how much that answer made her feel like she was floating, hoped he couldn’t tell how her chest ached a small bit as her heart reached out for his, wanting to tell him that she felt that way too. She was in love with him. In every way you could fall in love with another person, she was falling for Harry.

“Anyway,” Harry cleared his throat, bringing Y/N out of her yearning to be closer to him. “I met with the detective and we discussed. Told him two weeks in that you weren’t a suspect anymore, and that was that on that.”

Y/N nodded. “That’s why I saw you walking out of that kinda dodgy building and talking to someone in an alleyway.”

Harry frowned.

“Gioele showed me around town one of my first days, and we saw you talking to this guy in an alleyway. That must’ve been the detective.”

“Signor Palagi did a great job, but not good enough clearly.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, looking back on the painting. He was standing right in front of it so Y/N couldn’t get quite a good look at it.

“And we met Gioele’s brother and he acted all strange.” Y/N recalled, trying to think of everything she had seen and thought over the last few weeks. “He must’ve acted like that ‘cause he knew who I was and what Gioele was gonna do.”

“He acted like that because of what you represent.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms. “Which is?”

“How I’m successful enough to hire someone to be my model. That I have enough money to live somewhere his brother can’t anymore.” Harry sighed, walking forward and leaning both hands against his paint-littered work bench. “You’re just another reminder that I’m somewhere he’s not.”

“Why would Gioele even do this?” Y/N groaned. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“It makes perfect sense. Get close to me so I won’t suspect him, blackmail me, I give him the money, and since I’m going on tour and moving away after my collection, I won’t see him again and he’ll get the house. He also doesn’t have loads of money, so giving them my painting was probably the only thing he could afford to do.” Harry studied the paint under his fingers, how it had permanently stained the wood. He seemed to have calmed down now, having talked it out with her, but she could still see his frustration in how he was picking at the paint that would never come off.

“Harry, I’m so…” he looked up at her and she sighed. “So sorry this happened to you.”

“Not your fault.”

“I know, but I’m still sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

There was no one in the streets of Fosdinovo that night, so it didn’t matter that Harry had kept his window open to let some air in, because the night was just as quiet outside as it was inside. But Y/N simply did not really care where she was – outside, inside, or floating through space –, as long as she was with Harry, she couldn’t care less about anything else. Most important part was that he was there.

“I don’t let anyone in my loft.” Harry said, shocking even himself when he said it.

Y/N wanted to look around then, study everything in more detail, but she also knew that Harry liked his stuff to be just his. So she didn’t take a peek. This was his, and she didn’t want to take that away from him.

“It’s my office, like to keep it ‘me’ only.”

Y/N just looked at him, sensing where this was going but not wanting to jump the gun.

“I don’t mind you being here.”

She giggled a little, pinching both her thumbs as to tell herself to keep it together. She was not to act giddy, or to get so flustered that Harry could tell she was getting shy. She wasn’t shy, but when Harry said stuff like that, he brought it out of her.

“Seems you don’t mind me as much as you used to.”

“Is it that obvious?”

She giggled again, and Harry joined in, watching her the entire time. He pushed away from the bench, kneading the knuckles on his right hand that Y/N could now see were starting to get red. Grimacing, Harry looked down at his hand.

“I need to forget about tonight. I… I don’t want to… So many people turned their backs on me.” Harry said, voice almost breaking.

“Not everyone.”

“But those that did were people I trusted.”

“Hey,” she walked closer to him, placing a comforting hand on his forearm. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true-“

“-You have so many other people in your life. Your sister, your nephew and niece, Jamie, Meo, Rin…” She trailed off and Harry looked up at her. “Me.”

Harry’s eye flicked to her lips for a split second before looking up into her eyes again. Her heart skipped a beat, always finding him so incredibly hot when he did that. Moving her hand from his arm and on top of his, Harry hissed, glancing down at it just as Y/N did.

“Should clean this up a bit. Touching Salvatore voluntarily is gonna give you an infection.”

Harry laughed, grinning up at her.

“Do you have some ice and cleaning solution?” Y/N asked, taking his swollen and red knuckles into her hand.

“Bathroom.”

“Lead the way.”

Harry walked past Y/N and down the stairs, walking into his bedroom and to the small ensuite bathroom. His bedroom was as minimalistic as the rest of his house. He had his queen-sized bed, white blinds over his windows, a wardrobe, and two nightstands, but that was it. For someone who was so such a good painter and so amazing with colours, he didn’t know the first thing about decorating.

She followed him into the small bathroom, taking the pads and cleaning solution from him. Applying some of it to the cotton, she took his hand and gently started to dab it along the cut he had. He must’ve somehow managed to hit Salvatore’s teeth. Harry hissed as the cleaning solution started working, frowning down at his hand.

“It’s not that bad.” Y/N said.

“Easy for you to say, you didn’t bloody punch someone.”

Y/N chuckled, investigating the cut some as to make sure it was clean enough. “You should get some ice on it, get some of the swelling away-“

He kissed her. Lips right on hers, heart pounding hard all the way out to his fingers. She gripped onto his collar right away, pad and cleaning solution falling to the floor, and she begged him not to stop this. Their lips widened, wanting to taste more of the other, to feel them wholly and truly there with them. Harry hummed into her, sending a vibration through her lips and tongue that tickled. He cupped her cheek with his injured hand, other hand squeezing her waist and pulling her toward him. There was no reason to hold back any longer. Next week, Y/N wouldn’t even be here and neither knew when, where, or if they’d ever see each other again.

This same thought seemed to hit Harry as he clung to her a little harder, breathing harshly against her cheek. Right then and there, they both wanted to make up for lost time. The time they had already lost to indecisive tendencies and confusion, and the time they would lose because of miles upon miles of separation and their unknown and unreachable destiny. They tugged at one another, stroked one another, gripped one another hard as to remind themselves and the other person that this was real. Y/N knew that it was now or never. Harry rarely spoke his mind, rarely took the first step, so she had to.

Lightly, she pushed him down on his bed, watching as he fell back onto his elbows. His eyes were wide open, scared to look away for even a second in case she somehow would disappear like a dream does when you wake up. Positioning both her knees on either side of him, Y/N sank down onto his lap and Harry instantly sat upright, placing his hands on either of her knees and gradually sliding them up her thigh, needing for her dress to be further up her body so he could see all of her. Their lips found each other again, hungry for more. She felt his hands on her bum, hot long fingers spread out over each her cheeks, feeling fantastic against her skin. He slid them under the hem of her knickers, getting a good grip on them before he squeezed her firmly, pulling her to him and moaning into her mouth. She rocked her hips slowly against him, causing both of their breathing to grow heavier and their hearts to pick up speed.

He fell backward onto the bed, dragging her with him. As he made impact with the mattress, lips not detaching, their foreheads bumped into one another.

“Shit.” Harry hissed, though it was quickly followed by laughter as he saw Y/N chuckling above him. “Gonna have a bloody bump there tomorrow, ain’t I?”

“Dunno,” she answered, readjusting her position and wiggling her hips against Harry’s, causing his lips to part as a shock went through him. “We’ll just have to see tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to.” He said, gripping her bum harder, forcing her to slide her core against his again. They both gasped. “I don’t want tomorrow, or a day after tomorrow, or after that. All I want is you, here, with me.”

“I’ll be here tomorrow.”

“It’s a day closer to all those other days when you won’t be. I don’t want tomorrow. I want you and time. But not tomorrow.” Harry watched her intently as he continued to push her hips, her eyes fluttering shut as her core arousal grew rapidly like his. “All those days till I see you next, it’ll be like waiting for sunrise. Waiting for that small hour when I get a glimpse of you and then you slip away from me again.”

“Harry.” Y/N panted, cupping his cheek gently before he turned them so he was on top. He leaned down, kissing her jawline.

“You’ll be gone.” He said between kisses, humming into her, and causing everything within her to vibrate with him.

“Harry, I’m here.” She said, though she felt the pain of her leaving in her chest already. “Look at me.”

He continued to leave pecks down her neck, her chest, breast.

“Harry,” she took a light grip of both his cheeks, lifting his head from her. “Look at me.”

He leaned his forehead against her chest, eyelashes fluttering against her skin as he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath.

“Hey,” gently, she placed her index under his chin, gradually bringing his face up so they could look at one another. As their eyes met, she took his hand. “I’m here.” She gave his hand a squeeze before placing it on her breast. She felt his shaky his chin moving with a shaky breath. Slowly, she moved his hand down her front, making him feel all of her before he reached the place between her legs that had missed him so. All the while, they didn’t break eye contact. “I’m here.” She repeated as her knuckles brushed the bulge of his trousers.

He moved his arm so that his elbow rested by her head, hand stroking through her hair till he got to her scalp. There was such seduction in his movements as he ran his fingers over her covered up core, she wished to drown in it. Lust in his eyes, desire on his tongue, and an intense need for her in every single one of his calculated movements. She simply could not keep still as he ran his fingers over her sensitive spot, moaning for him not to stop; do it harder, faster. She wrapped her legs around him, and Harry stopped abruptly. Looking down on her, his eyes were wide.

“What?”

“Are you wearing bloody knee socks?”

The urge to laugh right in his face was huge, but she stopped herself. She stroked her legs up and down his back. “Obvious?”

He sat up on his knees, taking his suit jacket off and throwing it somewhere behind him. Biting her lip, Y/N watched as he dragged his jumper over his head, not taking his eyes off her as he exposed his delicious abs for her eyes only. She bent her knees more, bringing them further up so the knee socks were properly exposed to him. Faintly, she ran a few fingers down his front, loving how her fingers moved along with the soft and hard bumps of his torso. He placed both hands on each of her calves, sliding them up to her knees where he gave her a little squeeze.

“You’re keeping those on.”

“Oh?”

Harry slid his hands down the inside of her thighs, spreading them open further for him. Lowering himself into her, she felt him pressing hard against her and she gasped.

“You’re keeping those on.” He repeated as a raspy mumble against her open mouth, wet and swollen lips moving against hers.

He reached under her, searching for the zip of her dress. She let him; she liked seeing him and the feeling of him being so desperate to get her naked beneath him.

“Fuck.” He groaned, getting the zip stuck.

Giggling into his neck she felt Harry go a little limp, chuckling as well. He rested his forehead against her shoulder before giving it a tender peck.

“Turn around.” He mumbled.

“Hard when you’re between my legs like this. You’ll have to get off.”

“Hmm.” Harry hummed, stroking his hardness against her heat. “Won’t be long till I’m back, baby. Just gotta do something first.”

He got on his knees again, looking at Y/N as she rolled over to lay on her stomach. Looking over her shoulder, she watched as Harry crawled closer to her again, the zip finally properly exposed to him now. He puckered his lips, placing a soft kiss to her shoulder again as he took a grip of the zip. He pulled it down slowly, the top of his thumb sliding along her spine till he stopped at her lower back. Sliding his hands along her exposed back, he pushed the dress off her shoulders, letting it fall down on the bed. He kissed her shoulder blade, then slowly, tenderly leaving small pecks along her back, taking his time to make his way downward. From each one, Y/N felt a swarm of new butterflies enter her stomach, her entire body buzzing with the effect of what felt like thousands of butterflies. Good thing Harry’s hand was on her shoulder or else she was sure she would’ve flown away.

With some help, Harry got her dress off, tossing it behind him. He slid his hands up her body, and Y/N bit her lip, loving the feeling of his skin against hers. His soft painter hands; the long fingers that could create incredible pieces of art caressing her like she was more precious than anything he’d ever touched before. As he reached for her bra, unhooking it, she felt him against the back of her thigh and it immediately sent hot electricity down to the spot between her legs. She felt herself inhale sharply at the pressure of him against her, a warm wave of anticipation ran up her spine.

He pushed the bra off her, letting her throw it to the floor as he watched. She heard him take a big breath before he hooked two fingers round the hem of her knickers. He dragged them down, exposing her bare ass to him. Though he had eaten her out the night before and though it had been lovely to be close to each other like that, this was completely different. She was about to be completely exposed to him, wearing nothing but her white knee socks and his gaze.

She could feel his weight lifting off the bed before he said a raspy, “Turn around for me.”

And she did. She let her back hit the mattress, looking over at Harry as she laid there completely naked and all for him. Knees bent and pushed together so he’d see her knee socks, she cocked her head a little to the side, resting her hands by her hair. He slid his hands from over his lips and down his jaw, taking in all of her before him. She felt her cheeks heat up, not getting insecure, but rather loving how he was looking at her. It was like she could see the painting he was envisioning in his head as he looked at her, as if she could see him mix his colours and paint her. He was quick to get a condom before he came back to stand at the foot of the bed. Letting her eyes drop down his body, she saw his toned torso and the bulge of his trousers. The sight made her wriggle her hips a little, press her legs together, desperate for friction of any kind.

“Sei bellissima.”

Y/N just watched him, loving the sound of him unbuckling his belt. He pulled his boxers down along with his trousers, revealing himself to her. She bit her lip, unapologetically looking at his cock as he stood there looking right back at her. Carefully, he placed a hand on each her knees, spreading her legs open for him. She let him, her entire being buzzing with all kinds of different feelings.

Anticipation, lust, love. There had never been a time before this where she had wanted someone as much as she wanted Harry, and by the hunger she had tasted on his lips earlier and what she could see and feel now, she thought the feeling might be mutual.

He lowered himself onto her and she could finally feel his erection against her wetness, making her gasp slightly.

“Mi lasci senza parole. Dimentico come si parla quando sono con te.”

“What?” she asked, a little breathless.

Harry stroked both hands over either of her cheeks. “You… I completely lose my ability to think clearly around you.”

Y/N huffed a little smiling up at him. She ran her hands up his back, forcing him to put more of his weight on her so she could feel more of him. Their lips connected again, having missed the time they had spent not entwined like this. As their tongues found one another again, desperate and lustful, Harry ran a hand down her front. Caressing her breast, her soft tummy, her wide hips, before he reached for his cock. He stroked himself over her, wanting her to get a good feel of him, not wanting to overwhelm her in any way. She kissed him harder, moaning into him, and Harry took that as answer enough it seemed. He brought himself to her entrance, and slowly slid into her. She gasped as she felt him inside her, a pressure so heavenly consumed her, and she held onto him tighter.

He took a grip of her knee, bringing her leg up further as to spread her legs wider and to get better access. At this, she moaned, and his grip tightened. He started moving in and out of her at a steady pace, not too fast, but not too slow either. Their eyes locked, both suddenly realising what they were doing and what this would mean to their relationship. Y/N knew that whether she liked it or not, she always formed an emotional attachment to those she had sex with, and this one would undoubtedly be even more powerful than all the ones before it. Because it was Harry. And because she was falling in love with him. Because she knew she would never get over him if they had sex. And yet she couldn’t help herself.

She could already feel the climax building up between her thighs, having gone a while without sex. By the looks of it and the sound of Harry’s rapid breathing, she imagined Harry was in the same position. He held onto her knee as he rocked into her, their bodies colliding hard and loud. The sound of flesh against flesh, their heavy breathing, and the occasional moan was their entire universe for those few minutes.

Harry’s hand slid down Y/N’s thigh, giving her bum a firm squeeze before he dragged it up her side and to her neck. He didn’t take his eyes off her, wanting to savour every second he had with her like this like she did with him. With a trembling hand, he brought his fingers to her cheek, caressing it so tenderly Y/N almost felt tears press on. There was so much love in the way he treated her, like he was afraid of loving her too much and then losing her. But it seemed he had stopped caring about that and rather give her everything while he could. He slid his thumb over her lip just as he thrust into her, causing her to moan. Over her bottom lip, slowly stroking his way to her upper as well. She gently poked her tongue out, licking his finger. She could see the colour of his eyes darken, could tell what she’d just done had gotten to him.

He slid his thumb into her mouth and she instantly wrapped her lips around him. A shaky breath left Harry’s lips as she swirled her tongue seductively around his finger. Completely entranced and turned on, Harry quickened his speed, eager to please her as well as he could. This had Y/N closing her eyes, moaning onto his finger. Harry slowly pulled his finger out of her mouth and in again, not able to help the moan that escaped him as he watched her suck his thumb.

She reached between them, needing clitoral stimulation in order to come hard and properly. Harry sensed what she was doing, though, and he quickly stopped her.

“No,” he said, and Y/N almost thought he was stopping her from touching herself. “Let me.”

He pulled his finger out of her mouth and slid his hand down her front, resting his hand over her centre. She gasped, realising just then how much she felt for him and that with everything he was doing, she found it a little harder to accept the fact she was leaving. He started flicking his finger over her bud, and Y/N’s body instantly heat up, the bubble of fire in her core threatening to burst at any moment.

She arched her back, feeling Harry’s free hand sink into her hair, tugging at her roots lightly. He fucked her harder, deeper, stroked his fingers over her clit faster. He buried his face in her neck, letting out a low growl that reverberated through every single one of her cells. She gripped his shoulders, gasping for air as everything grew hotter, hotter, hotter.

“Don’t stop.” She moaned, nails digging into his skin. “Harry, don’t stop.”

In response he kissed the nape of her neck, bringing his lips up to that spot right under her ear. She heard all his small whimpers, moans, and intakes of breath, felt them against her skin, felt them tattoo themselves onto her memory forever. Their bodies coming together, slamming into one another in erotic desperation to get closer to the high they were both seeking to reach together. Something happened between them as they worked toward their climax; like all that yearning, all that waiting, all those times Y/N had felt her soul, sells, and heart reaching for his, it all came together now. She felt every inch of her body content; felt whole in a way she’d never felt before. And looking into Harry’s eyes, she realised she’d found peace in him. She couldn’t remember feeling peaceful, like everything in the world was finally right, but she was now.

Her grip on him tightened as she got closer to the edge, the heat between her legs picking up at a rapid speed. He must’ve sensed her nearing her orgasm, because he let go of her hair and urged her hand free from gripping his shoulder. He pinned it above her head, sliding his up her forearm till he reached her hand, intertwining his fingers with her. Harry continued to fuck her at the same pace, and would sometimes draw a stroke out slowly and thrust back into her hard just so he could feel her thighs tighten around him, the material of her knee highs against his sides. As everything blurred together and she felt her orgasm coming on, her whimpers and moans grew more frequent, and it seemed just knowing he was pleasing her this well, brought him closer too.

He moaned her name into her ear, the grip on her hand tightening. Harry fell harder into her, got deeper as she slid her legs further up his back. Nothing else existed in those moment leading up to her orgasm. She felt her legs trembling. Felt his fingers on her clit and his cock between her legs. Felt her control dwindle.

“Harry.” She moaned, placing her hand at his neck, gripping him harder.

She came. Hot whips across her entire body, she felt like she was on fire. She was gasping, repeating his name, and moaning as pure ecstasy washed over her. She shook under him as he pressed his forehead against hers, watching her intently as she came down from everything. Just as she felt her heartbeat slowing some, she heard Harry’s gasp and moans intensifying, felt his movements halting. She reached down and took his hand, bringing it up above her head with the other one. He gripped her hands hard, whimpering and sweating onto her.

“Fuck.” He said, closing his eyes hard before he opened them again, wanting to look at her as he came. His thrusts were irregular, some harder than others, and she felt him spilling into the condom. She moved her hips with him, needing to help him through his orgasm. His neck vein was visible, and no sound left his mouth other than his harsh and quick intakes of breath. She found him hypnotising, so beautiful and so hot. A small furrow to his brows, eyes concentrated on her, plump and wet lips parted.

They stayed like that for a little while, just looking at one another as everything came back to them. She suddenly smiled up at him, letting a breathy chuckle leave her lips. He leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. Drawn-out, lazy, and both smiling.

“I’ll get you something to get washed up with.” He said, slipping out of her before he shuffled down the bed, took the condom off, and walked to the ensuite bathroom. Y/N laid on her side, studying his back, his bum, and his muscular legs. She could not believe she’d just had sex with Harry. Mind-blowing, won’t-be-able-to-ever-get-over-this sex. Nothing would ever be the same now, she realised, they would always be linked in some way. They had been before this, she felt it, but sex always made this that much more complicated.

Harry came back with a wet cloth, handing it to her before laying down in bed beside her. He watched as she got herself cleaned up, studying her more intensely than he had ever done before. Placing the cloth on the nightstand, she laid back down in bed, looking over at Harry as he reached for her hand again. Still keeping eye contact, Harry brought it up to his lips pressing a kiss to her hand. Slowly, he turned it back around, closing his eyes as he kissed her palm. She rested her hand at his cheek, watching as he leaned into her touch.

“Please stay.” He whispered, and she did.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday 9th February 2020, 9PM GMT

a huge thanks to my lovely beta readers! 💙 @aileenacoustic​ 💙 @tpwkceline​ 💙 @emotionally-imbruised​  💙 @shepherald​ 💙 

[destiny-smasher]

(Music by Samantha Pena, soudncloud user spena1989) Not gonna lie, I'm at a point with All Wounds where I'm like...oof, I wasn't able to envision everything I wanted to a few years back (by a long shot) but I'm kinda...wanting to be done with it. Even though I don't want to be done with it. 😅All Wounds was created from the get-go to be a visual novel - that's why the initial demo released so early into the project's life. My original intent was to go back and forth between fic and VN. But my original intent was also to end the story during the Portland road trip (Chapter 7). And while you could certainly make a case that the story is technically stronger up until that point, and becomes less potent and more dragged out for it's post-time-skip stuff, the latter stuff was also just...a lot more fun to write. And when I look back, if I had committed to the visual novel as intended, we'd not have gotten, like, ANY of that post-time-skip stuff, which includes Other Max being as fully fleshed out as she became. She'd have been stuck being a ghost in Max's head, pretty much. At this point, though, it's been so long, the fic I made INSTEAD of working on the visual novel is SO long, interest in the project peaked back while it was being written, working on this by myself is DAMN exhausting in terms of time spent, emotion and mentality drained, etc. Whenever I go back and listen to all of the amazing music made by people in the LiS it reinspires me to keep working on All Wounds but that's had diminishing returns as my life has changed drastically this past year. I love Max and Chloe. But, tbh, I just moved to a new country and got married, and I love my wife more than Max and Chloe? ^_^;; I’m not depressed and stuck in retail hell anymore, relying on staying up late working on a LiS fan project to channel that depression. I don't wanna completely shut the door on the visual novel and there's a chance I may still try to keep pushing to at least get to that road trip and maybe fudge it a bit. After all, a LOT of work has been done to the project that isn’t apparently or accessible in the public version; and I was able to add pretty well presented versions of Chapters 3 and 4 recently. So it’s entirely possible I could at least push it a little bit further if I end up inspired to do so. Either way, regardless, I still want to try some kind of epilogue, end-cap, etc, maybe even in VN form (Jenny and I had envisioned an epilogue where the characters play DnD). Max and Chloe mean the world to me, and exploring a version of events where both endings of the original game are expanded and tied together felt very cathartic. I'd rather that exist in SOME form (fic) than none at all; I think I'd still have done things this way a second time. But All Wounds inherently was a story about processing pain and grief and trauma and figuring out how to cope with it and heal and move on. And when I was at such low points, that made sense to write and steep myself in. But now? It just kinda doesn't. More than anything, though, is the fact that it's still a fan project - one that has had a lot of its interest evaporated for multiple reasons. The game’s ending is over four years old now; a prequel AND a sequel have both come out, further fragmenting the fandom; people have moved on. And it’s easy for outsiders to not realize how emotionally exhausting and sometimes painful All Wounds was, has been, and can still be for me to work on. Even things like pieces of music or art made by people who hurt me, who I hurt, that shit isn’t easy to work with. I could be spending all of this effort and energy on something less emotionally painful that isn't complete in ANY form AND is original. It feels bad to seriously consider dropping it when I'm sure there are still SOME people out there waiting for it, but I have other stories that I really need to work on. I can't keep myself locked in this cage forever when the work is such an unreasonable mountain to surpass. What I HAVE created is a fleshed out and substantial story and a chunk of it imagined in VN format which all kind of acts as a love letter to PriceField as well as an ultimately cathartic way to leave that original game to rest, I hope. Going forward I really think I'd like for Arcadian Rhythms to function as my one sole fanfic project I do inbetween original works, with one-shots or other bits (like the Butterfly Soup fic) just being other, far less intensive ways of working out those kinds of inspiration. It would probably do me better to also not talk about what I'm working on (aside from AR I suppose) in much depth or detail until I have something finished to really show for it. 😓 So if you want to see what I’ve been able to make of the visual novel so far, you can find that here.If you want to read the prose fic version of the story, which was finished quite some time ago (and which is where I want to update with an epilogue eventually), you can find that here. My newer fandom project, Arcadian Rhythms, which actually does feature Life is Strange characters, can be checked out here. You can follow our Patreon over here - we’ve been on hiatus as we deal with immigration but that should be all sorted soon. Regardless, any major updates to projects will be getting posted there once we’re back up and running. And you can follow me on Twitter over here; or just check back on my personal Tumblr here as I’m sure any meaningful thing I complete, fanfic or otherwise, will get posted here. So to clarify, current creative plans for the future on my own time: - original fiction projects (I’ve actually started work on an original VN for ex.) - Arcadian Rhythms for fun - some kind of epilogue for All Wounds - some kind of conclusion to Runners at the Corners (Butterfly Soup)

Interest in AW severely declined after the fic was done, no one else seems interested in working on it, either, it'd be SO MUCH work still. Sunken cost fallacy is a thing and tbh that’s part of why I even pushed myself to finish the update I did a few weeks ago. I am sorry to anyone who’s been waiting all this time for it - what I managed to produce is still a multi-hour visual novel, and I am still contemplating trying to at least get it to the end of the pre-time-skip. At the very least, there is still a complete story that can be read in fic form, the project just floated up and away from a reasonable grasp for one person, mainly because I just...wrote way more than I originally intended to. When I started work on this prokect, I also didn’t expect to fall in love, struggle to make ends meet, move across an ocean, and get married. And as important as All Wounds has been to me, I did at least finish telling the story I started, and the story it became, but I’ve learned all I can from it at this point and am so tired of trying to drag it out on my own. In the same way All Wounds sees Max and Chloe needing to accept their losses and let themselves move forward despite not everything going how they wanted, I guess I have to do the same with this project. Max and Chloe start a new future together, and it’s that time in my life where I probably should start doing the same. I need to start focusing on telling my own stories with my own characters more than I have been, as well as making more space for this new future with my new wife. And to All Wounds, the most difficult project I’ve worked on to date, as someone I once knew once sang, "I know, I know I made so many promises I know I left you such a mess; Gotta let go, gotta let go, and move on Been walking in a circle for too long"

And as another musician put it,

“Come and see the light of day out in the open It’s like I’m waking from a dream, oh Many days since I have seen the end unfolded Many times that I’ve looked back on all the times that we have had”

[seven-oomen]

I’m sorry you’re still feeling exhausted.  I hope work wasn’t too terrible today, and that the weekend lets you rest up a bit (if you get normal weekends.  working in retail I try not to assume.)  Also, this is likely to just be a short(-ish) collection of unconnected musings, but I felt like sharing them anyway, and really you should be used to that from me at this point.  XD  So, first off that tree painting is GORGEOUS.  I mean, I tend to be kinda partial to that whole tree silhouette type aesthetic, so I’m probably slightly biased.  But still.  (And the background shading… <3 )  Also, ngl, the backlit keyboard keeps making me think of that video of Henry Cavill assembling his new computer that’s making the rounds.  That is not meant as a complaint of any sort, mind you, merely an observation.

Speaking of hot scruffy dudes who are actually massive dorks, did you SEE Ian’s most recent Insta pic?!  (the non-cowboy hat one)  Omg, I don’t know why he keeps complaining about how it’s starting to look like TW Season One hair like it’s some sort of bad thing.  (The longer the hair, the better the grip you can get. […uh…wait, what?… ’>.> ])  That pic just screams OUAT sequel to me.  Out here looking all shaggy and windblown and peaceful and content.  Proud Alpha Dad Peter spending quality time with his family/pack.  How very dare he spring this on an unsuspecting public with no warning?  I was not prepared.  (Also, Sinqua and Holland commenting on it just ups the adorable factor that much more.)

Also, was looking at a few sites lately in consideration of ordering a few more masks for work, found this print on one of them and almost laughed myself absolutely stupid.  I don’t know why it was just so funny to me, but I hope it cheers you as much as it did me.  Btw, it’s available on an impressive variety of items, including two types of notebooks, t-shirts, mugs, blankets, pillows, beach towels, shower curtains, rugs, bath mats, several styles of bags, phone cases, and assorted types of wall art (sadly not on a mask, however.  I was deeply disappointed.)  I can see any number of items ending up in the Haleargentski household, bought by assorted non-wolf members for assorted wolf members, because they are a family of assholes.  (I feel like the first gift was a travel mug to Peter from his darling husbands, then a t-shirt [on black ofc] from Peter to Derek, and then it just all snowballed from there.)

Today’s literally-just-appeared-out-of-nowhere-wtf-brain thought is (much like the French maid thing) definitely of the nsfw variety, so consider yourself duly warned if you have a shift today.  Because I mean we talked about Chris and Noah using toys on each other, but why should Peter get left out of the fun?  There are plenty of ways for him to enjoy them, too.  Like, pretty much the initial spontaneous thought was “Peter getting pulled into someone’s lap and being pegged within an inch of his life until he comes screaming down the throat of whichever one is going down on him at the same time."  And I was just like "not sure what this has to do with this video of how to make a ukelele out of colored pencils, but continue."  But like, no really.  Peter being knotted in one of them while the other uses beads or a (vibrating) plug on him?  (Which one is the asshole who momentarily turns the vibration up high enough that they BOTH can feel it?)  Or using those, or some kind of prostate massager, while he’s tied up and watching them with each other?  Bonus points in that situation for anything remote controlled.  See just how good his control really is.  Equal opportunity toy usage is what I’m saying, basically.

Also had a thought inspired by a pregnant friend and her fiance raving about a local pizza place’s monthly special, which is a pickle pizza (no really).  I may or may not have asked her if she had it with ice cream (I totally did, but apparently she’s past that point.)  So I was wondering about any weird or specific cravings the boys have while pregnant.  I remember Chris having a thing about chocolate pudding in the flashbacks.  Was it only a certain type of pudding, or would any kind do?  Were there any others he had?  Did he have the same ones with Ben or different?  What about Noah?  What sort of cravings did he get, if any?  And did they vary between sets of twins?  Did anybody go the aforementioned pickles and ice cream route?  Anybody dipping fries in Nutella?  Onion straws in peanut butter?  Doritos in cottage cheese?  Anybody eat salsa straight out of the jar?  Did anybody get any sudden absolute need for a specific fast food at two in the morning?  Or suddenly want a type of snack food only carried at one truck stop halfway past the next town?  Anybody spend several days eating nothing but veggie trays, including ones they normally can’t stand?  Anybody develop a temporary aversion to certain things, like coffee (feels like it would be a terrible thing for either of them)?  Did Peter cater to their every whim in any and all of these situations?  (I already know that answer.)  Did either one ever get demanding about it, or did they go the more passively-wistful-won’t-stop-mentioning-it route?  Side note; did anyone (not family) ever catch the wrong end of hormones now backed by even more combat and/or magical ability?  (Debbie at the bake sale best step off or she gonna regret a number of her life choices.)

Uh…I think that was the last of the random swirling questions/musings/headcanons for now…  I hope you feel a bit better today, and that the time off (I think you mentioned some time off?) is helpful.  Enjoy your time with your friend (that was this weekend, right?).  If you’ve got ideas for writing stuff, but are having trouble getting them down, would making quick notes/reminders, or voice recordings, for later help?  Like, so you don’t worry about losing them, but aren’t forcing yourself to do something you don’t feel up for at the time?  Either way, congrats on keeping up with the journaling (and the pretty, pretty art), and I hope tracking everything proves helpful.  And remember, other people’s bullshit issues and hang-ups are in no way your fault (no matter what they try to tell you), and you deserve all the good things.  Take care!  *Hugs to both of you!* 

Yeah, honestly I think I hit that point in my life again where my battery is drained and I can’t restart it. Which is how I got my burn out at first and working towards another one. Heh but I also don’t want to give up now and just keep working for a little longer because my contract expires at the end of September and yeah.. 

Stress.

Aww gosh thank you, yeah I really like how that one turned out! It was better than expected.

Btw if you’re into Zombie apocalypse stories (I am) you should definitely check out The girl with all the gifts. It’s so brutal but also interesting, I definitely enjoyed that. (And it was research for my own book)

Lol I love this keyboard and this laptop, really, it was the most expensive thing I ever bought but it’s so worth it. Still runs super smooth after 2 years. I don’t think I’ve seen that video of Henry though. 

And omg yes I did and it’s the best thing. he looks so SOFT omg. I def got  OUAT S2 vibes from that. And OUAT vibes. Also that pic of him with Colton, omg. Those were the best!

THAT PRINT!!!! I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose this morning but managed to swallow it down just in time. My work computer would have suffered caffeine damage otherwise XD.

But yeah, that becomes a running gag for sure!

Because I mean we talked about Chris and Noah using toys on each other, but why should Peter get left out of the fun?  There are plenty of ways for him to enjoy them, too.  Like, pretty much the initial spontaneous thought was “Peter getting pulled into someone’s lap and being pegged within an inch of his life until he comes screaming down the throat of whichever one is going down on him at the same time."

*cheff’s kiss* 

Yes.

Oh the images are so good. Remind me to write them out in detail tomorrow after the zoo trip.

Also parking the pregnancy cravings to answer tomorrow since it’s past midnight and I should catch some sleep before I need to be up again. But I will definitely type that HC out.

Side note; did anyone (not family) ever catch the wrong end of hormones now backed by even more combat and/or magical ability?  (Debbie at the bake sale best step off or she gonna regret a number of her life choices.)

Ohhh Debbie’s toast. Because yes, Noah’s magic is that much stronger when it’s fueled by pregnancy hormones and Chris turns into a very protective hormonal fighting machine. Low center of gravity has advantages when you’re in a squabble with the Karens.

And yeah, I have four days off right now. Which means I don’t have to work until Thursday again. Which is awesome!

But yeah work wasn’t too bad, I had to do one bad news conversation which fucking sucked since there was nothing I could do and nobody I could get a hold off to fix the problem for that customer and it was just a waiting game. I hate those conversations. I honestly do.

Most of it was quiet though and I got to leave an hour earlier due to the quiet day. So that was good. And I watched a movie while being paid (The girl with all the gifts) so that was pretty fun too XD

I actually voice record a lot already. I find it really helps with clearing my mind and I write a lot of stuff down. But I appreciate the tip!

Lots of cuddles from me and Mo and I hope your day went by well. <3

[amygeeunit]

The Quarantine Chronicles: These Last Five Years & What I Thought I Wanted

There’s nothing like being alone in your own thoughts at 1:00am in the midst of a global pandemic... Instead of aimlessly scrolling through my Instagram timeline or checking my bank account with all the money I have saved from not going out, I’ve had time to think about what the 28 year old, almost 29 year old Amy needs versus wants...

I think in high school or at some point in our lives we have all fallen victim to “By the time I’m age this, I want to have x, y and z.” At 16, I thought at 25 I would have my life 85% figured out. Pretty funny concept now that you think about it, right? I actually laugh at how naive or how troublesome it is to have these unrealistic goals and tag an age onto them... I pictured myself living in a nice apartment, potentially dating someone, or if not just focusing on my career. Fast forward to 2020, besides this year being a complete clusterf*ck, I’ve had extra time to sit down and think of these last five years in a nutshell.

All I remember from 2015 was going to Vegas, still working in retail, having foot surgery and getting into CSUF. The rest is foggy because it’s been five years. Huh? I thought 2015 was last year...

2016 seemed to be one of my better years. I started at CSUF, went to Iceland, interned at Rastaclat, ended up getting a job at Rastaclat, entered into my first serious relationship, moved back out to Orange County and felt like at 24 - 25 I was killing the game (or so I thought.)

2017 wasn’t too bad. I graduated from CSUF in the spring, went to Oahu, continued on in my relationship and spent a majority of my time focusing on my career.

2018 is when life started to get real interesting. My pup, Ben G, passed away while I was out in Illinois visiting my cousin (long story to save for another post,) I started a new job at Pretty Great LLC, traveled to escape 99% of the time, started taking birth control that made me bloated, emotional and feel weird and moved back to Moreno Valley. During this time, my relationship started to crumble due to lack of communication, the wave of grief I was experiencing and everything in else in between that couples go through. I started going to therapy in July and in August, I had my first panic attack. In September, I decided I needed to get as far away from my life as possible. I booked a flight to Japan to visit Sarah since she was stationed out in Yokosuka. Yokosuka has a naval base and is about an hour from Tokyo. I talked to my boss at work a few weeks prior and asked for a week and a half off. Luckily, he was one of the most understanding and best people I have ever worked for in my career so far. Most bosses would have told you to “Get over it” or “Figure it out.” Rob Myers was a saving grace for me that year for letting me have my time off to not think about life. 

While I was in Japan, I remember the time change messing me up quite a bit. I think it took around three days for me to finally be okay without passing out in the middle of the day. In short, this trip changed me. It changed how I traveled, it changed how I process emotions, it changed my outlook on life, it changed many things for me. I came back from this trip and my relationship was virtually over. I didn’t know how to feel, I didn’t know what to do, it just sort of fizzled like a candle using its last part of the wick. October came and I spent my birthday in Big Bear with my parents. I remember crying in the cabin when we got back from Octoberfest. I don’t think it really hit me that I was single, with no friends around and that 27 was already a shit show on day 1. I visited my best guy friend and his sisters in Arizona at the end of October to make up for the previous weekend. I had no idea that November could get any worse for me, but it did. It was two days before Thanksgiving, November 20th, 2018. 

I was driving from Moreno Valley to Santa Ana one morning on my way to work. I took my normal route, left at my normal time, a pretty standard commute. About 2 miles from work, I was at a stop light. At this stop light I waited for about 30 seconds while the other cars went. The light turned green. As I was pressing my gas to accelerate, out of nowhere, a semi truck plows its way through the intersection and t-bones my driver’s side. I remember screaming. I remember it being like a scene from a Final Destination movie where the victim doesn’t know that death or uncertainty is upon them. In that moment, I remember thinking “This is it.” My reflexes shifted real quick and that was it. I remember pulling off to the side of the road leading up to the 5 freeway. I felt like my soul left my body for seconds then came back. I was shaking. I called my dad first and let him know what had happened. I called my mom and then the insurance company. I exchanged words and information with the driver. I remember being upset, but I couldn’t yell or get any words out. I just went by the protocol of what to do when you get involved with an accident. Sure, I have been rear ended before, but never t-boned and let alone by a damn semi truck. This accident passed, I was awarded some half ass money and in the midst of it all, I remember being so mentally drained that I cried out for help on Instagram Stories... I remember going through survivors guilt. I remember saying to myself “Why am I still here? There are people that die in accidents or by drunk/distracted drivers all the time... Why do I still have to live this life of pain and suffering?” In my mind and in 2018, I never knew how to take pain and suffering very well. I didn’t know it would shape me for what these next couple years would throw at me. 

December came and went. It was like a sigh of relief for me to know that the vicious cycle of the 2018 rollercoaster was coming to an end. At this point, I kind of gave zero f*cks as to what happened in life. A few days before Christmas, I visited my Grandma in Illinois and my grandparents’ grave site. I think my trip to Illinois was some type of closure to my 2018 year. I hadn’t been back to Illinois since my Grandma’s funeral in 2011. It was a cold and frigid trip. It was the first trip I had ever driven by myself. The only cool thing was running into Ja Rule at the Palm Springs Airport (before the Fyre Festival documentary came out, otherwise I would have yelled at him.) He was on my flight to Chicago. Jeffrey Atkins, you sneaky motherfucker, you! How I wish I would have known about you tricking people with that one guy... I ordered a “Survived 2018″ crewneck from this small online business store, went to Disneyland with my mom on Christmas and threw caution to the wind.

2019 was interesting, but not as heavy as 2018. I called 2019 the year where I  “rushed to get back to normalcy.” I realized the commute to PG was getting tiring pretty fast, I accepted being single and got back into dance. Dance saved my life, point blank. Whether it was subbing, teaching, training or being on a team, it brought back a sense of joy and also established new friendships along the way. I started a job at a marketing agency in March 2019 that was a short commute and about 6 months in, I realized this was something I wasn’t a fan of. It took me a while to realize that that was okay to feel uneasy about the jobs I once knew.

If I had to rate 2019 on a point scale, I would say it was a 6/10. I felt like the last few months I was suppose to be back to normal and healed from a lot of things I kept to myself. Dating people was weird because 1. I felt behind. What I mean by that was I thought by age 27 - 28, I would have met my “person,” by now. As I seen other friends get proposed to, plan their weddings and start their families, I started to feel like the odd woman out. Was there something wrong with me? Am I that complicated or hard to love? Are my values not aligning with people I like? Am I going to be that person that gets married at 40 or even at all? Will I always be the friend and not the potential girlfriend or wife? Who knows? 2. The reciprocity factor of it all and setting boundaries. 3. I don’t think I ever got over everything that had happened in my first relationship because we never cheated on each other, our trust when out without each other was never questioned and there was a best friend component in it. I was filled with regret, frustration and memories I forced myself to black out even after going to therapy and journaling it. Fact: I dread my birthday each year. I don’t like my birthday in general, but October I have mixed emotions about. The anniversary of my Grandma’s death is on 10/13, my Grandpa’s birthday is 10/14 and my birthday is 10/20. I spent the last couple months of 2019 drinking more than usual, especially after my friend, Beka, passed away suddenly in November. December came and went. I had my first trip to Puerto Vallarta and enjoyed some much needed beach time. I had this “idea” that I would move to the east coast with Sarah because I wanted to start over. That idea went out the window. I ended 2019 with buying a new car after having paid off my Kia Forte back in 2016.

It’s now 2020 and boy... It has been a shit show for the world I feel like. I can’t even begin to describe what a rollercoaster of emotions everyone is feeling right now, but I do have one word for me personally: gratitude. I started off the year so uneasy with finding out my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer again for a second time. I remember going into February with no expectations, yet I had expectations (weird right?) Without going into too much detail I felt like that quote by DJ Khaled saying “Congratulations, you played ya self!” I was constantly frantic about work, friendships, relationships, my future, dance, my parents, basically everything. I was a walking, talking ball of stress. March came around and I downloaded Bumble (yup, I went there) and matched with a really nice guy who actually knew two of my nurse friends. Then, COVID-19 was in full effect in the states and suddenly the idea of dating or wanting any kind of human interaction made me cringe... I had to politely excuse myself and move on. I checked in on friends and they checked in on me. 

I’ve spent more time with my parents, more time on myself and then it finally clicked: I am where I need to be in this exact moment. I don’t want to date anyone in quarantine, I don’t want to understand or have expectations for another human like I’ve been searching for these last 6 months. What the fuck, Amy? You are everything you need right now and it is not in another person. I’ve danced in quarantine, I’ve cried in quarantine, I’ve laughed in quarantine, I’ve journaled in quarantine, I’ve found myself again in quarantine. As easy as it sounds for most people, the concept is quite large. Since I was 18 years old, I have ALWAYS wanted to live by myself and try it out. It’s ten years later and in the midst of this uncertain time period, I know that 2020 is the year that I finally accomplish this. So, in short, 2021 I’ll be back on the “dating” field or whatever, but 2020 is my year to literally work. on. myself. This includes: my relationship with myself, my relationship with my friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers, etc., my health regiment, my mental health, my physical health, my emotional health, I think you get the point, right? In a time where some of us feel alone, I feel secure. My days vary and maybe I’ll post something tomorrow where I say “That post was trash, quarantine was terrible,” and while it is on most days, I’m so grateful to connect more deeply with people on a spiritual and conversational level. I was tired of hiding behind my day-to-day busy routine when I finally came to terms with myself.

We are all in this together. We are all processing what we need and want. I use this blog as a way to express and share what so many people keep to themselves. Maybe you can relate, maybe you think I’m too out there. Either way, to each their own. 

Until next time.

[maxhoemo]

To Hell and Back: Can’t Keep a Good Boy Down p4

Maxy sat crying at the kitchen counter. Sitting in a stool, his head down and rested in his hands. It was a frustrated type of crying. He was so hungry. He hated it here. Hated his life. He thought being with Ian would make him happy, and it did, but everything else was unbearable. He’d dropped out of university last week. It was too difficult. He’d always thought he was pretty bright, but as the semester went on everything became harder and harder. He was handed failure after failure on his essays and tests. One day, he just gave up. Ian would make enough money for the both of them once he graduated, he figured. He reasoned to himself he could just spend the time being supportive and helping Ian get through it.

But then he did something stupid. He went shopping. He really didn’t intend to spend so much, but everything was just so cute and he rationalized that he deserved a little something. And before he knew it, he’d drained his account. He thought about going back and returning it, but for some reason. he just couldn’t. But he didn’t even want to wear any of it now. He just shoved it all in a closet, hoping Ian wouldn’t find it.

He was starving. He and Ian were paying so much in rent they had practically nothing left over for groceries. The other apartments must be insanely expensive because they paid well over 2000 dollars a month and their place was less to be desired. In fact, it was downright terrifying. If Maxy wasn’t with Ian, he was harassed every time he entered the building. Sometimes they even grabbed him and Maxy was sure sooner or later it would escalate. He just wanted to support Ian. To be a good boyfriend to him. But he didn’t even have anything to cook for him besides a package of ramen noodles. And having spent his entire student loan, they probably wouldn’t make rent this month. At that moment, Maxy truly hated himself.

He wiped his tears, staring at the wall for several minutes. This was no way to live. But things would get better. Ian just had to make it through school. That’s what Maxy kept telling himself. He got up and put some water in a pot and set it to boil. If this was what they had to eat, this was what they had to eat. He sighed.

As he was waiting for the stove to heat up, Ian came home. 

“Hi baby. How was school?”

“It’s hard. I can’t focus on my work....”

Maxy frowned. He knew why that was. Ian wasn’t eating enough. “I’m sorry....” Maxy whispered.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I’m a drain on your resources.”

“Stop it. Don’t say that,” Ian threw his coat down onto the couch. “I just think you should seriously consider going back to school.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just... Can’t...”

“I don’t know why you suddenly started thinking you’re stupid. You’re not.”

“Well, I did something really stupid today.”

“What?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing...”

“Embarrassing?” Ian asked, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. “How?”

“Because I can’t believe I even did it.... Since when do you smoke?”

“Since always?”

“Huh...” That didn’t seem right. Then again, he really hadn’t been thinking very clearly lately had he? “Anyways. You’ll be mad at me.”

Ian raised an eyebrow. “What did you do, Maxy? Tell me.”

Maxy could smell the smoke from where he stood. He didn’t want to tell Ian the truth, and yet he found himself speaking anyways. “I was depressed and I accidentally spent all of my money.”

“What do you mean!?” Ian shouted. “All!? Accidentally!? How do you do that!?”

“I-I never meant to... I’ve never done anything like this before I don’t know what came over me please Ian please. Stop yelling....”

“We can’t afford to live as it is!”

“I know! I know! Ian I’m so sorry please. Please. I screwed up so bad...”

Ian just turned away, letting out a loud exhale. Maxy bit his lip nervously. Ian had never screamed at him before. But he knew he screwed up pretty badly. And Ian was probably irritable on top of everything from not eating. He finished cooking in silence. Finally tearing open the packet of flavouring and mixing it in. He drained the water and put the noodles into a bowl, setting it in front of Ian. Ian looked up at him.

“I’m sorry baby....”

“I’m sorry....”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Will you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Can you get a job?”

Maxy nodded. “Of course....”

----

The next morning, Maxy got up with Ian. Apparently, there were a lot of job postings on campus. He put on a tight white t-shirt and a pair of very short red shorts. He remembered buying them the other day, thinking about wearing them around just to excite Ian. But right now, they were both too tired for that. 

Maxy yawned as they stepped outside. Ian had his arm around him, but luckily the street was usually relatively safe this early in the morning. Everyone seemed to scatter once the sun came up. 

“Can’t wait until class ends,” Ian whispered.

“Why?”

“You look so hot today.”

Maxy smiled. “Glad you noticed.”

Once they got to school, he saw Ian off to class and went to look at the bulletin board full of job postings. He began to scan them, none seemed appealing. Library assistant... He didn’t want to work on campus, it would only be a constant reminder of his failure. Construction. No way would he be able to do that. Retail... Maybe he’d be able to do that. As he was contemplating whether it might flair up his shopping addiction he recently learned he had, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see his old psychology professor.

“Oh, hello Professor....” It was kind of strange to be touched like this by someone he barely knew but he was trying to be polite.

“Maxy. Haven’t seen you in a while. I have been curious. Why did you drop my class?”

“Umm... Well... I just didn’t think I was doing very well....” He stammered.

“Well, psychology isn’t for everyone.”

“Yeah....” Maxy was relieved he didn’t seem to realize he’d dropped out of school entirely. 

“Looking for a job, eh?”

“Yeah. Just need some extra money, you know?”

The man brought his ever-present pipe to his lips and sucked in. “I have a job you’d be perfect for.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Come with me.”

Maxy didn’t really want to, but as he coughed from the cloud of smoke he found himself going off with the man anyways. 

“You’re going to do exactly as I say, understand?”

Maxy coughed. “Yes.”

[aerialsquid]

Noodling Part V: Angry Man Shops for Flower Arrangements

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Chapter-specific Content Warning: Emotional/mental trauma related to academic pressure and teachers. Nothing severe, but this is a little more intense than the last chapter. ----------

"This time I really need you to stay behind. This girl has an Earthshaking Quirk, and if she decides to use it she could take out half the block."

"You think she'll turn hostile?"

"Always possible, if I confront her directly. Which is what I plan on doing." Aizawa privately hoped she did. It would give him an excuse to vent the tension that had been building in him over the last several days, and that his trip to Kuroda and Samejima's residence hadn't sated in the least.

This time, instead of hunting for her home address, Aizawa and Yagi had targeted Tsukuda Jiodo's place of employment - 'Scent of Lilies', a small store selling floral arrangements and pots across the street from one of the city parks. Picturesque, but hardly the kind of place that a destructively-Quirked hero would be satisfied with.

Through the shop windows, Aizawa could see Jiodo rearranging small pots on the shelves. She had a slight build with night-dark hair, longer now than it was when he'd last seen her sobbing in Nezu's office on the day his request for expulsion was approved. The store seemed to be deserted, too, and they'd shown up about half an hour before the shop closed for the day. A good time for a private talk that might turn ugly.

Aizawa remembered Jiodo as a quiet, eager to please girl with a fierce dedication to her studies. As a student, she'd been fine. Not the best ever, but fine. He'd seen her type before - great at academics, born with a powerful-seeming Quirk, and lucked into passing an entrance exam designed to favor those who could break the most large objects in a given time period. Unfortunately it took more than that to make a good hero, which was why Aizawa considered the entrance exam only as a first culling before he made his own judgments about who deserved to move ahead.

Jiodo, in his assessment, had not.

"Good afternoo--" As the bell over the door jingled merrily, Jiodo turned and made it halfway through a greeting before her higher functions realized who she was looking at. She froze up.

"Huh. Long time no see," said Aizawa, expression blank. "You were...Tsukuda, yeah? Something like that?" He shrugged in false apathy and moved past her into the store.

"Ai..Mr. Aiz…" Jiodo bobbed forward into a frantic, shivering bow, clutching a clipboard tight to her chest for security. It reminded Aizawa briefly of the way Yagi reacted to Gran Turino, on the single awkward occasion he'd been in the same room as the pair of them. This wasn't the panic of a trapped criminal, it was the panic of a traumatized student abruptly reliving her past trauma at the sight of his face.

Right now, Aizawa couldn't bring himself to care. He waited, stonefaced, while his former student scrambled for words.

"HowcanIhelpyoutodaysir," said Jiodo in a single breath during the downstroke of yet another bow.

Playing dumb, for now. Fine. He'd see if she could be baited out.

Aizawa pretended to consider the arrangements and little bowls, pacing the store agonizingly slowly while she watched him with wide-eyes.

"So this is where you wound up, Tsukuda?" he asked, watching her reflection in the sheen of a metal vase.

"Yes, sir," said Jiodo in the tiniest of voices.

"Huh. What school did you go to after UA?"

"No, sir. I, uh. I didn't." Her voice dropped to the lightest, frailest of whispers. "I didn't go anywhere," she muttered, head down.

Aizawa prodded at the bowed head of a peace lily blossom. "Nowhere? You were a good study. It was the one thing you were actually good at."

"I would...like to not talk about this, sir. What kind of flowers do you want?"

"Something big and brash. It's my anniversary. I'll know it when I find it."

"Oh...anniversary...these are for someone you're dating?" Aizawa didn't need to check to know she was giving him that 'Aizawa-sensei dates??' look of horror and confusion that he got every time someone referenced the concept of him having a romantic life.

"Something like that." She'd be unlikely to believe Aizawa Shouta would go shopping for flowers of his own accord, and he needed an excuse to browse.

Aizawa drew the silence out as she kept following him around the store, offering quiet terse answers to his bullshit questions about the prices of flowers and how fast each type were likely to die. He made sure that he never had his back fully to her, but also never fully looked her in the face the way he would someone who actually meant something to him. Occasionally he made a small 'tsk' noise with his tongue, as if finding disapproval with the blossoms, and every time he did it Jiodo trembled.

"So. Hero school to flower shop. Must have been a rough time."

"Mhm."

"Honestly, I'm surprised you're treating me this nicely. Maybe expelling you really was a good decision if you're this comfortable with it."

Come on. Break. Take out that grudge you've been nursing. You know I have you dead to rights--

"I actually hated UA." Jiodo's hand slapped over her mouth. She stared at Aizawa with wide, fraught eyes as if he would somehow double-expel her for it. He turned to fully face her and stared back with an even, calm gaze.

"Go on."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Aizawa," she whispered.

"No, no. I'm not your teacher anymore. Speak your mind." He gestured for her to continue, carefully watching the movement of her limbs. If he remembered the nuances of her Quirk correctly she'd need to be touching the earth with her bare hands to cause a quake, but with all the dirt in this shop there might be a way around it...

Jiodo swallowed hard. Her fingers were white where they held the clipboard tightly to her chest. "I hated every moment of it. I hated being there. I never felt like I fit, I never felt like I could rest. I hated you and I hated my classmates, even the nice ones," she said quietly, eyes downcast. "After you expelled me, I...it hurt, but it meant that all my worries about class ranking and achievement didn't matter anymore. I was free. Doomed, but free. I was...I went in the bathroom and I just started laughing, because it meant I didn't have to fight anymore. I could just give up. It felt so good to just stop chasing something I didn't even want in the first place."

She tensed up again, wary, and bit her lip. "I'm almost grateful you did it, now."

"You work in a flower shop and you could have been a hero, and you're grateful for it?" Aizawa put every drop of venom he could into his words. He folded his arms, subtly getting his fingers around the end of his capture weapon. "Are you sure you're not just trying to justify failure to yourself to make it less unpleasant?"

Come on. Come at me. You're cruel enough to blackmail me using Yagi's body as a weapon, you're cruel enough to try and attack me in person.

"I like the flower shop," Jiodo insisted, a notch louder. Her breath was hitching and her eyes were still on the floor, but her voice was growing stronger. "I have friends now, and we can go play video games or just hang out, and we're pooling in money to start a little garden together. I didn't have friends at UA. I hated having to fight and compete all the time even when I was good at it. The money's not great, but...but I'm happy here. And at UA, I was miserable. The only people who were happy about me being there were...were my parents. I had my whole life kinda planned out around becoming a pro hero, so I had to...just put myself back together again. From scratch. And it, y'know...it's getting easier. No, not easier, just better. I finally feel like I can breathe. And I"m sorry, I know it's not what anyone wanted for me and I know it's a waste, but at least I'm happy."

"And is that what matters to you now? Being happy?"

Jiodo looked up at him over the clipboard, only to find Aizawa was half-smiling, a single corner of his mouth turned up.

"I...yes. Yes, it does," she answered weakly. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a failure."

"I don't just expel people for kicks, you know. If the business course passes a student who's not fit for the work, all we have is one more incompetent corporate executive in the world. If I pass a student who isn't right for hero work, I might as well be writing their death sentence. You weren't a bad student. You worked hard, and you had drive. Maybe you'd even have been a mediocre hero after all. But I couldn't take a chance on mediocre. Mediocre CEOs just lose money. Mediocre heroes die."

"I know. I'm sorry. The school put its faith in me and I let you all down."

"Bullshit." She flinched, and Aizawa moderated his tone a few degrees softer. "You weren't the disappointment. People who shoved you into the hero path from the moment you manifested your abilities are the ones who let us down. Not everything should be about climbing the ranks higher and higher until going any further would break you completely." He thought of the man waiting for him outside. All Might set out to be a symbol and it worked too well...he should have been a symbol of a terrible task that needed doing and ought not to ever be done again. Instead, and with as little of his consent as he'd given for the pornography, his path had become an aspiration.

"Huh." Jiodo let out a shaky huff. "Tell that to my parents. Anytime I wasn't pressing myself so hard I nearly lost my mind, they called me lazy. I think they took my expulsion even worse than I did--no, I know they did. All their hard work, down the drain. These days they barely talk to me."

"And is that so bad, not having them puppeting you around?"

"Well, no, but…"

"This goddamn system is broken, Tsukuda. it's been broken since before either of us were born. Don't be sorry for not becoming something you never wanted to be...I'm not sorry for keeping you from it either. A parent who'd prefer you rushing to your death instead of happy and working a retail job isn't worth of the title."

The spectre of Yagi, lurking in the back of his head like a long-limbed shoulder angel urged him to add, "But I'm sorry I made you suffer by denying it. I'm glad you've found what makes you happy."

Tears welled up in Jiodo's eyes.

-----------

Fifteen minutes after entering Scent of Lilies, Aizawa sent a subtle 'it's good keep waiting' text to Yagi as Jiodo poured her guts out to him. Yagi spent an agonizing twenty further minutes pacing back and forth in the park, trying to hide behind trees when people looked at him for too long, and thoroughly made himself seem like a creeper.

When the lights in the shop finally went out Jiodo and Aizawa exited together. Jiodo's eyes were red-ringed, but there was an exhausted smile of relief on her face. Yagi watched from the trees as the two exchanged a few final words, and then Jiodo gave Aizawa a tight hug that nearly crushed the air out of him. All the flowerpot-lifting had clearly given her good upper arm strength. She pressed something wrapped in cellophane into his hands, and then scampered off down the street, one hand upraised in a goodbye wave. Aizawa stood watching her for several seconds before slowly turning and heading into the park.

"Well?" Yagi asked, when Aizawa finally trailed back to him.

"She's not our blackmailer, but I know who is."

"Who?"

"Tsukuda Jidai. Her father. Similar enough name on the credit card statement to throw us off, plenty of motive, and one hell of an entitlement complex. I think I know how we can take him down a few notches, though."

Aizawa held out the package. Through the translucent wrapping at its base Yagi could see it was a pot of small purple flowers. The pot was in the shape of a plump yellow duck who'd clearly seen hard times, judging by the rough edges where a fall had broken off part of its wing. Damaged goods, impossible to sell, but still serving its purpose of protecting the tender blossoms embedded in its back.

"Also, happy anniversary. Here's a duck."

[celestial-luminary]

Anthem of the Heart

by Bethany Moraño & Laika Camposano

Night had fallen, which meant Celesta would be at the studio. Tonight, she figured, would luckily be a short one, seeing as she was only going to rearrange a finished song. 3 hours in and she’s done, the recordings ready to be submitted to her seventh label this month. It’s been 2 years since her first audition, 6 years since she decided to pursue a music profession, and 6 years since her parents drove her to her grandparents’ to “stay there for the rest of your career.” It didn’t extremely bother her given that her grandparents were supportive of her ‘creative knack’ they’d call.

Once she got home from the studio, she immediately submitted her profile and recording via email and went straight to bed, exhausted after a long day. She met with one of her friends that afternoon. Rose took BFA in Painting at the same university Celesta graduated, and now she helps her father manage a retailer of art materials & supplies. They caught up with each other and after knowing Celesta’s situation, her friend gave her a slightly sharp but sincere advice, 

“Maybe it’s time to try other paths. I mean, I got into business and it pays me well enough. There are still tons of opportunities to explore. And, what if this isn’t really what’s meant for you?” 

~

The sun rose slower than usual on the next day, and so did Celesta. As she was making breakfast for her grandparents, Rose’s voice kept floating around her mind, “What if this isn’t really what’s meant for you?” 6 years ago she couldn’t have imagined herself not fiddling with the synthesizers nor working outside of the music field. It was always that one dream. But in those 6 years, no opportunity came to pave the way towards her big break. Maybe. Maybe this really isn’t for me… But maybe not. 

“We can’t let you stay anymore, Celesta. You owe us $950 and that’s only for this week. The boss said you can’t come back unless you’re fully-paid. Real sorry.”

Okay, fine. Maybe!

The sun rose even slower the following days. Just the other day, she found out that she got kicked out of her usual record studio and, to add to that, her last application was yet another failed one after receiving their reply one afternoon.

Things weren’t going the way Celesta wanted it to. For the past 2 years she was unemployed. Now, she was unemployed, dispirited, and had debt. Although she had expected all this, even when she was still studying, it still felt heavier when she actually was in the situation. So she ran to her grandma and grandpa with a heavy heart, and poured out everything she had been carrying. Tears were shed, warmth was given, and the next thing she knew, her eyes had fluttered shut to a deep sleep.

A new morning came, and Celesta rose before the break of dawn. Their talk last night lessened the weight on her chest. Her grandma told her to face the problems one by one, so she decided that she’ll begin with paying off her debt. She planned on having a part-time job of any type, just so she could easily get one rather than having to be picky, and she wanted to begin her plan as soon as possible. As luck would have it, most of the stores and diners near their block accepted walk-in applicants. The search ended shortly for, unlike her usual experience, she got in on her first try. A diner, just a block away from their house, needed a cook. They had her prepare a simple meal to taste within 15 minutes and, fortunately, Celesta learned from her grandma who was an ace chef, and so she was able to prepare an ace meal which had her hired.

“This is a good start, Celest. Just keep your eye on the ball and you’ll get there.”

 ~

Days, weeks, months, years had passed and Celesta noticed that her skills in cooking were improving. Even her boss noticed her determination and her hard work, which is why he decided to promote her as the Head Chef. She was shocked by the unexpected promotion but at the same time, she was happy and thankful for the opportunity. As soon as she finished cleaning in the kitchen, she immediately took the path to her home. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling because finally, she had a decent job. She begins to imagine her grandparents’ reaction after knowing about her promotion that made her excited to go home. 

A thought crossed her mind that made her stop in the middle of her half-run moment. In the midst of all the busy people under the night sky, she was confused. The chitchats from the people suddenly disappeared, the happenings around her became a blur as if everything was in a time lapse mode. She looked up at the starry sky with questioning eyes.

Should she continue her career as an artist?

Her grip on her bag tightened because of the thought. Flashbacks started to play in her mind like a filmstrip. The times where she experienced discrimination, inequality and more as an artist.

 “You should stop already and go find a decent job.”

“We don’t need a music-geek daughter.”

“No one’s going to notice you anyway.”

“You’re not popular so why would you even try?”

“Set out a new career!”

  Maybe they’re right. Maybe it’s time to accept the truth and to face the reality. She lets out a heavy sigh. She has decided to just go with the flow of life. No one knows what will happen next. All she has to do is to hope that everything is going to be okay. She believes that everything has a reason. She might get a successful life if she continues her cooking career or she might regret at the end. No one knows. The next song begins to play in her earphones.

When I was just a little girl

I asked my mother, what will I be

Will I be pretty

Will I be rich

Here's what she said to me

Que será, será

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours to see

Que será, será

What will be, will be

Celesta smiled and silently agreed with the song. When she arrived at their home, she hugged them tightly and thanked them. Her grandparents asked her why she was so happy. She smiled and grabbed their hands. They playfully danced in circle while she was telling them about her promotion. They were so proud and happy for her and that made her contented. Just seeing them happy is what matters.

~

On the next day, she was walking on her way home drained when she saw a poster on a lamppost. There was a word that caught her attention. Music. It says that there will be an audition for the aspiring artists and she can tell that the company was just a small one and not well-known since she was unfamiliar with the name. Half of her was saying that she should try it but the other said she should just ignore it. She nearly jumped of shock when someone spoke beside her.

“Are you really happy?” a man asked. She was caught off guard by the question. She stared at the man beside her. He looked like he was in his 40s. He was wearing a coat and holding a cigarette. The man was just staring at the poster, ignoring her reaction. She cleared her throat before answering the stranger beside her.

“O-Of course.” The man didn’t move or even react. She gulped before bidding goodbye to the stranger. She turned around and took a step but she froze at what the man said.

“Life is full of opportunities. Why would you only pick one, when there’s a lot?” The man said and smoked his cigarette before walking away. She was left thinking hard about the stranger’s words. He’s right.

~

Days had passed and she’s currently in the kitchen cooking for her grandparents. She was humming a song and realized that it has been a while since she last sang. She remembered the poster and the stranger’s words. Should she try it? But everything is going well already. She came back from her senses when her grandma came in and helped her with the cooking. They’ve talked about many things like life and exchanged warm thoughts to each other. Grandma held Celesta’s hands firmly and gave her a smile.

“Your parents are happy to know about your progress, Celest.” Celesta smiled too but at the back of her head, she was still hurt by the fact that her parents gave her away to her grandparents just because of her dream to be an artist. “They will visit tomorrow dinner. I hope that you will get along with each other again.” Her grandma hugged her tightly.

“Let your heart speak, my dear Celesta.”

 ~

Night had fallen and it was past eleven o’clock already but Celesta was still wide awake. Her thoughts kept on popping in her mind as if they’re debating. She couldn’t get rid of the thought about meeting her parents tomorrow after all these years. She was nervous but at the same time, excited and… sad. The night had come and everything was all set. Celesta was wearing a simple white lace dress with her hair tied in a bun. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the doorbell ring. She nervously walked to the door and opened it. There, she saw her parents smiling at her. For almost 6 years, finally they’re here in front of her.

“Celesta, my daughter.” They hugged her and her heart was so happy that she couldn’t stop herself from tearing up a little bit. They were happily eating while telling stories about their life. Celesta’s heart was still aching but what’s important was that her parents are here. She’s been thinking carefully about this lately and now, she has decided. She called her parents’ attention. Her hands were shaking but she had to do it.

“I will audition to a small company--” Her parents’ smiles faded and before she could even finish her sentence, her father cut her off.

“No, Celesta. What’s happening to you? You already have a decent job,” her father said. The tension began to rise. Memories were coming back again but this time, she will speak what her heart wants.

“I tried. I tried everything just to forget it but I can’t.”

“Then try harder! We thought that you’ve come to your senses, but we were wrong. You’ve gotten worse, my daughter. Stop chasing dreams that are meaningless and will not bring you a good life,” her mother said and grabbed her bag. Her grandparents tried to stop them but they were too upset to listen. Before they got out of the house, Celesta spoke,

“Give me one last chance. I will officially stop if I were rejected. However, I will choose to be an artist if I were to be accepted.”

~

Behind the curtains was a girl who dreamed to be an artist since she was little. She remembered all her downs and failures. This was her last chance to show the world what she got and what her heart wanted. It’s time to speak, to sing.

“Number 9, you’re up next!” She lets out a heavy breath before standing. It’s time. She then opened the door where the audition was taking place. A familiar man greeted her, wearing his coat, and instead of a cigarette, he was holding a paper where Celesta’s profile is seen. It was the stranger.

She was momentarily stunned but the music brought her senses back. She grabbed the microphone and smiled at him. He nodded and smiled back. Celesta sang with all her heart. To all the people who put her down, who didn’t trust her, who doubted and those who judged. This is her dream and to live with her dream is what life is for young Celesta.

 Hear what my heart is saying, let the anthem of my heart rise.

 Cheers, screams and chants of a million voices, now singing back to her. She stared at the people who supported and loved her. A tear escaped from her eye. In the midst of the ocean of people, she glimpsed her fans, parents and grandparents singing the anthem of her heart.

 ~The End~

[taehyungiesnoona]

01 | My Life With Bangtan

⇢  pairing: female reader x OT7

⇢ genre: slice of life, slight angst, luckyfan!au

⇢ rating: SFW

⇢ warnings: very minimal uses of profanity, some depressive behavior

⇢ word count: 5.5k

⇢  A/N: This is a rewrite of the original chapter. I made a few changes here and there and overall am very satisfied with how this turned out. I do hope you enjoy this version as well. Happy Reading~ 

Chapters 01 || 02 || 03 || 04 || 05

»»———— CHAPTER ONE ————-««

My life for the longest had been such a drag.

It was as if nothing ever seemed to go right. Or at least in the way, I would have hoped for. I was already in my mid-20s, college dropout, working at a dead end job, barely able to make ends meet. I felt like I should have been so much further ahead but because of the choices I made, these were my consequences. It was something that I had to deal with. Or at least try to make changes, but being the stubborn person I was, that was never going to happen.

I had just made it home from work, a worn out look on my face as I dragged myself up the three flights of steps I had encountered. Working in retail was pretty rough. In some cases physically but more so emotionally. The local supermarket I worked at was pretty busy in the evening time, up until we closed at 10:00 PM. Tonight was one of the more busier nights and someone had called out of work, leaving us understaffed. I was so glad to have been out of that place. So glad to be able to return to my bubble which was my studio apartment.

As I made it to my front door, I fumbled around in my bag trying to get ahold of my keys. As I pulled them out, about to insert it into the lock, I dropped them on the ground causing me to groan in annoyance. My body felt completely drained and I was not in the mood to bend over and pick them up. But I did so anyways in a swift motion, having them in my hands once more and successfully putting them in the lock, turning it to the side and unlocking my door finally.

Walking into my small place, I dropped my bag at the entrance, kicking my shoes off in the process. It didn’t matter to me where they landed. It didn’t matter to me where anything was. All I wanted to do was go into the shower and let the water run on me for a bit.

“Geez...what a long freaking day.” My shoulders slumping down as I talked to myself.

I began walking towards the bathroom but would halt in place as I winced from the pain coming from the balls of my feet. They must have become sore from all the standing I did at my register while at work. Not to mention there were points where I had to help a few elderly people carry out their groceries due to being understaffed. Days like these always had its toll on my body, but it seemed like tonight was more severe than others.

“Is this job even worth it anymore?!” Frustration clearly could be heard in my voice as I resumed my way to the bathroom.

Flicking the light on, I took the sight of the small area that was my bathroom. The place that was my residence was all entirely compact, despite the recent renovations that were made to it. I was in no right to complain about it though, this was adulting at its finest. There were times where you had to settle for what you could get or in this case afford. Surprisingly enough, this little home that I called mine had really grown on me. It was my shelter from the outside world, a place where I could shield myself from my depressing reality. Where I didn’t have to worry about anything once I made it past the front door.

It was what I called my sanctuary.

I opened the glass door and turned the shower head on. While waiting for it to heat up, I stripped myself of my clothes, tossing them into a laundry hamper I kept in the corner. Reaching my hand into the shower, the temperature was at my preference, I nearly fell hopping into what was now a steamy paradise. As soon as my body came in contact with the hot water, I felt my tired muscles thanking me. The water felt so amazing that all I could get out was a long “Ah” as I continued to allow myself to stand there, opting to keep my eyes closed tightly. I began to heavily think about the day I had gone through, the first step in what was my decompressing process.

I had come to terms that I wasn’t the happiest that many others my age were already experiencing. If time travel were something possibly, I would have done so in a heartbeat. My resolution for this year was to try and be as positive as I could be. I was off to a good start but then life happened. Things were being thrown at me full force that it was super hard for me to have that mindset, ultimately giving up on it. Trying to remain positive was a lot harder than it was made out to be.

In an attempt to shake off the negative thoughts that were forming in my head, I opened my eyes and grabbed my loofah, squeezing a good amount of body wash onto it before proceeding to bathe myself. Paying close attention to the soapy lather spreading across my body did help keep my mind off things for a bit.

Twenty minutes later, I made my way from the bathroom and over to the living space of my studio, the largest part of the whole place. I somehow was able to make these living arrangements work, keeping the bare minimum as far as decor. On one side was my full sized bed, on the other was a couch, and I was lucky enough to have enough room to include a small television that was mounted to the wall and a small desk that I rarely used and was mostly for show.

I sat down on the couch, pulling my favorite blanket over me as I reached for my laptop that was still on its charger. Something that I did as part of my nightly routine was to watch videos over on YouTube. Particularly K-Pop videos and if we went further into the specifics, of the BTS variety. Whenever I was in a crappy mood, which was pretty much all the time, I found comfort in their music as well as their seven personalities. Which was the reasoning as to why I didn’t have a bias in the group. I loved them all equally and to be honest it would have been such a hard task for me to do if I only had to choose one of them. So I chose to remain ot7.

Once getting situated on the couch, the video I decided to begin watching was a live performance of ‘Spring Day’. Something about the song always seemed to put my mind at ease. From the jaw-dropping vocals to the beautiful choreography, this song was simply put...a work of art. I found myself staring attentively at the screen on my lap and as I watched them perform I couldn’t contain from fangirling over it, over them.

“They’re absolutely perfect!” I squealed as I shook my head in excitement.

The excitement I was feeling was growing immensely. Even if it was for those few minutes, it felt so good to have a positive reaction to something. Those seven seriously brought so much joy and happiness into my life when I immersed myself in them. How could seven men whom I never met have this kind of effect on me? What kind of sorcery were they using?

Not paying attention to the time, hours flew by. Several at that. Whenever I watched BTS I would lose track of time. It was a little after 2:00 AM and I finally decided to close my laptop and make my way over to the bed. My body definitely needed some rest. I flopped onto the bed, feeling my body bounce up as I stared a bit at the ceiling above me. I felt one of my goofy grins spread across my lips, those negative thoughts that had been clouding my head were now pushed to the back. Bangtan really made me happy. They really meant that much to me. Still looking up at the bare ceiling, a random thought came to mind as I thought of BTS.

I hope one day I can thank you.

Exhaustion began to overtake my body as I climbed up under the comfy sheets, resting my head on the two pillows I had stacked on another. My bed felt extremely amazing underneath me, causing my eyes to find themselves shut as I dozed off into a peaceful slumber.

That night I had a dream about the seven men I was so fond of.

Beep, Beep, Beep

I tossed around as I faintly heard the annoying sound of my alarm go off, thinking that the noise would stop. That wasn’t the case as it seemed to only get louder from my protests of waking up. I was nearly close to throwing my phone against the wall but instead let out a raspy groan as reached for it and turned it off.

“Ughhhhh”

I pulled the sheets over my head, not wanting to wake up in the slightest. As I placed the phone to the side of me, hitting the lock button and was soon blinded by the light coming off of the screen. My eyes burning from the light taking a bit of time to adjust to it and the time that was displayed across the top.

9:00 AM

I hated the fact that “AM” followed those digits, a low snarl coming out of my mouth as I pushed the phone further away from me. I was the type of person who enjoyed their sleep very much. On days where I didn’t need to be up early for work or had the day off, I prefered to sleep in as much as I could. Which got me to question why I had an alarm set in the first place? Today was my day off so why did it go off?

I rolled back and forth a bit, my body clearly wanted to be awake despite my resistance not to. Finally laying on my back, I pushed the sheets off of me letting out a series of huffs and puffs like a child that was throwing a tantrum. After laying there for a few minutes thinking to myself, I was able to come to the conclusion as to why my stupid alarm had went off. I smacked myself on the forehead, eyes were now open and adjusting to the sunlight that was peeking in through the windows.

“Duh Y/N”

A recent goal of mine was to become a slight more productive on my days off. I had found myself to be asleep until the afternoon, times when there a lot of people out and about. Being the introvert I was, I always chose to remain inside since I had never liked to be around a crowd of people. Which is why I decided on days off that I would try to wake up at a morning hour that way I could run errands if needed and not have to worry about being surrounded by many people. The only time I would put that way of thinking aside was if I had a shift.

I found myself laying in my bed laughing at the behavior I had just displayed. It was a tad immature on my end which made my chuckles come out louder, echoing against the walls of my apartment. Now that I was fully awake I reached to the side of me and grabbed my phone once more, this time holding it above me as I unlocked the screen and proceeded to open up the Twitter app. As part of my routine, whenever I would wake up I would check my social media. I followed my favorite K-Pop groups and a few other people who posted witty posts that I enjoyed seeing on the daily.

As soon as I opened the app, I was greeted by a new tweet that was from Bangtan’s account. I scrolled down a tiny bit to see a very cute selfie that Jimin had posted, his signature finger heart was present as well as his adorable grin. I found myself recreating that goofy grin from last night, squealing a bit from how handsome Jimin looked. The fangirl in me was ready to come out, even this early in the morning.

“JIMIN! I swear you are so freaking adorable for me to handle!”

As I would like to say, my eyes had truly been blessed with the image that was in front of me. I absolutely loved whenever I saw updates from the boys. It truly felt like they wanted to include A.R.M.Y in everything they did. And with me being an international fan, I appreciated this so much! I knew that they lived busy lifestyles with promoting their new album and such so something as simple as tweeting a picture, really made my heart melt.

I was indeed very soft for these seven.

Setting my phone aside, I decided to get up and get a head start to the day ahead of me. There wasn’t much that I needed to do but I wanted to get everything done before the afternoon, leaving me with the rest of the evening to relax and get ready for the work week that would be starting over soon. All that was needed to get done was some minimal grocery shopping and for me to message my mother and check in with her. Looking at the time, thirty minutes had passed so it was still pretty early that I wouldn’t have to encounter many people grocery shopping as well as long lines. I stretched my arms above my head, allowing a yawn to come out. I shook my head in approval. Waking up early was sounding more appealing to me by the second. For my next day off I made a mental note not to fight it one bit.

A few hours had passed by as I made my way up the fight of steps, the last few bags of groceries in hand. I seriously questioned my choice in living on the top floor. At the time I must have done so to avoid my neighbors as much as possible. But days when I had to carry things up these stairs alone was killing me. Living on the third floor had it perks but this was surely not one of them. It was also a fairly warm day out, the heat causing small trickles of sweat to fall down my neck. I had only been back and forth carrying things in and I felt that at any moment my body would just give out.

“Damn, it’s pretty hot out now. Good thing I decided to go out early.” I wiped the sweat on my forehand with the back of my free hand.

The weather that was present today was pretty unusual for this time of year. This type of weather wasn’t around until the summertime, which had been long gone. Shitty weather like this was another thing on the list of as to why I never liked going out. I quickly shut the door behind me, returning to my cool air conditioned home. Making my way into the kitchen I had all the bags sorted out into designated areas they would be going. I’d like to say I was a organized person. Everything had its own home. If the order was to be disturbed, I would quickly fix it. I liked to keep my place in tip top shape, making sure it stayed that way. I was putting away a box of macaroni when I heard my phone buzzing on the counter top. I set the box down in exchange for my phone and unlocked it to see a string of messages from my mother.

MOM: Sweetie…

MOM: You said you were going to message me

MOM: And I haven’t heard from you

After reading her last message, she gave me no time in trying to respond, three dots popped up signalling she was typing out yet another one.

MOM: IS EVERYTHING OKAY????

A sigh escaped from my mouth as I read her last message, shaking my head in the process. My mother was truly something else. She had always been so paranoid with me for as long as I could remember. She was the type of mom who needed to know my whereabouts at all times, if not then all hell would break loose. It was really smothering growing up but as I got older she seemed to tone down a little. Though she still continued to freak out over the smallest things, me forgetting to message her was a prime example. I hurried to respond to her, not wanting her to worry herself too much.

Y/N: Mom, everything is more than okay. Sorry I forgot to message you. I was out grocery shopping and just got back.

MOM: Phew! I can be at ease now. You know how worried I get when I don’t hear from you.

MOM: I know it’s your day off so I will let you go so you can relax some more. Call me when you can okay?

Y/N: Of course! I’ll call you on my next day off so we can catch up more.

MOM: Sounds good. I look forward to it. I love you sweetie.

Y/N: Love you too mom.

My phone found its way back onto the counter as I set it down. Though I know worrying my mother wasn’t a funny matter, I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. Somethings never change when it came to her. Doesn’t matter the distance, my mother would always be well my mother. Moments like these I missed her dearly. But if I hadn’t gone out into the world the way I did, I wouldn’t have been able to learn what I knew to this day. She would always be there whenever I needed her but I had to try fly out on my own wings

After being in thought for those few moments, I went back to the task at hand and that was to finish putting up the rest of the groceries so I could enjoy the rest of my day.

After putting everything away, I plopped down onto the couch. Though I didn’t do much today I felt a sense of satisfaction. I surely felt productive, I was taking baby steps. If I continued at this rate I knew that I could be able to accomplish more on my days off and even better if I ever needed to run errands before or after a shift. Thinking about baby steps, I thought about my current social life. Pretty nonexistent but if I really wanted to I was sure I could begin to network with other people and even eventually make some friends. Of the physical variety.

Maybe I’ll have the courage to put myself out there once again.

Having graduated from high school years back, I distanced myself from the small group I once was able to call my friends. We all went our separate ways to pursue different things in life, I heard a few of them stayed in touch but no one really seemed to reach out to me after I became silent from them. Even the people I worked with had a hard time approaching me, so I rarely had any conversations while on the clock. I thought of myself to be a genuinely nice person once approached but I was said to have what was called “resting bitch face”. Was I really that intimidating?

Taking a look around the place while placing my feet on the ottoman in front of me, I couldn’t figure out what to do. I was for one of the few times in my life...bored. My surroundings were all clean, I already ate dinner, and for some reason I was not in the mood to play any video games. Looking up at the television mounted on the wall collected dust I thought that I would have watched something but the question was what exactly? It didn’t take long for me to scrap that idea and continue to search for something, anything to do. My eyes continued to scan the room suddenly stopping at my desk. There was a poster of BTS hanging right above it and as my eyes lowered themselves to the contents laying on my desk, an idea struck me.

I got up and walked over to it, pulling the chair out and placing my bottom firmly in it. My eyes were now lingering on a notebook that my mother gave to me when I first moved out. It was intended to be a diary but I never got around to using it, not wanting to scribble the pages with negative thoughts. I carefully opened it and tore a few pages out of the binding, making sure not to rip the pages. This was something that I had been wanting to do for a very long time. I had always been a bit nervous to do something of this nature but now was a perfect time to do so. I was going to write a letter to my beloved BTS.

I grabbed a few pens and markers from the cup that sat a top of my desk, trying to figure out how the header of this letter would look. I watched a lot of K-Pop pen-pal videos as well as heavily took inspiration from the beautiful letters they would create. Writing in a gorgeous calligraphy font I had recently learned, the top of my page read “Bangtan Sonyeondan” in English. I took my time with it, making sure my down strokes were near perfect. Placing the marker in my hand down, I examined the page before me and felt a sense of satisfaction. Everything looked just as I envisioned it, but now I would move onto the crucial part: the actual letter itself.

Knowing me and since this was going to be addressed to the boys, I was a hundred percent sure this would become an essay. Even more so since I had been taking Korean lessons for a few years now and this would be the first time I would put it to use aside from the classroom. I was pretty advanced when it came to my speaking skills but I sort of lacked when it came to writing out Hangul. It would always come out a bit sloppy so I made sure this time around I would take my time with my strokes. As I grabbed a black pen, I began writing what any fan would write to their favorite idols:

Your music is amazing!

Keep doing what you guys are doing.

Please stay healthy and get plenty of rest. Make sure you’re eating and drinking plenty of water.

But after getting all the cliche stuff out of the way, my letter became more of a vent. My pen scribbling back and forth across the page, my heart going into every word that was written. I had completely lost track of time as I went about writing to them. Not even noticing that the sun was beginning to set and my room was growing darker from the lack of light. I finally took notice of it, turning on the desk lamp with the hand I didn’t use to write and I continued putting my entire being into this letter. I took in the sight of the completed pages scrambled on the side. I so far had written five pages worth, impressing myself. Though I could continue to go on and on about my life, I decided that I would soon close it, allowing my hand to rest from the constant writing.

I seriously cannot thank you seven enough. Without your music, I don’t know where I would be. Though  I can be a bit harsh on myself, your music is the only positive thing I have going for me right now. Though we may never meet, just know that I will always be rooting you guys on.

Fighting~

Sincerely,

Y/N

Folded the paper neatly in thirds, I stuffed it into an envelope I had lying around followed by placing three stamps in the right hand corner. Thinking to myself a bit I added a fourth one just to be on the safe side. I had never mailed anything internationally and wanted to make sure that it would reach its destination. I was feeling extremely happy. Who would have thought that something as simple as writing fan mail would be so rewarding? Leaning back as far as I could, I stretched my arms feeling a slight yawn forming in my mouth. Taking a look at the time it was still pretty early for going to bed but I took it upon myself to begin my nightly routine a bit early. This time with a different approach, there was no need for me to decompress.

I was feeling extremely positive, a truly rare occasion.  That goofy grin could once again be found across my face.

TWO MONTHS LATER

It had been a few months since I sent that letter and with that my life went back to being the shithole that it was. That positivity that surged in me only lasted for a few days, work becoming extremely hectic since someone quit and I was the lucky one who had to work extra hours. Now I necessarily wouldn’t complain about the paychecks I had been receiving but my body was becoming the most worn out it had ever been. It felt like lately I didn’t even know what sleep was. I barely had gotten any over the course of two months.

It was nearing the end of my shift and for whatever reason today I dealt with nothing but rude and obnoxious customers. Back to back. On any other given day I would have the tolerance for this type of thing, due to the nature of my job, but it was a little hard for me to do so today. I was a hair away from snapping. I was currently ringing up this middle aged woman who refused to acknowledge my existence. I got to scanning her last item and looked up to make eye contact with her, keeping a “customer service” type of smile on my face.

“Okay, that brings your total to $72.96” Holding the fake smile that was plastered across my face, hoping she was buying my bubbliness. The one thing about customer service was that you had to bullshit from time to time, it was sometimes key in keeping the happy customer.

To my surprise, she actually bought it, reaching into her purse to pull out a crisp one hundred dollar bill and handing it over to me. As I do with any customer who hands me anything over a twenty dollars, I reached for my counterfeit marker and striking a quick line across it. But as I did so I could tell that I was making this woman upset as I heard her huff in annoyance.

“I have you know that I work VERY hard for my money. I just got that from the bank so why do you feel the need to check it? Tch. Bitch.” she snarked at me, trying to mumble the last bit to herself but I heard it.

Loud and clear.

My eyebrow was rapidly twitching as I bit down so hard on my tongue, fighting the things I wanted to say to her but was not about to lose my job over. The little bit of sanity that I had was already out the door, but I had to do my very best to restrain myself from jumping over this counter and pinning this lady down. Regaining control, I sighed heavily and silently before I responded back to her. I needed this woman to hurry up and get out of my checkout lane.

“I do apologize ma’am it was never my intent to upset you. I’m simply following our store’s policy and have to check anything over a twenty.”

Not wanting to look at this customer anymore, I hurried to enter the amount she handed me on my cash register. The till popped open and I wasted no time in grabbing her change out the drawer as well as the receipt that printed alongside with it. Still holding back with every being in my body, I continued to bite my tongue, my smile more fake than it was during the duration of this interaction.

“$27.04 will be your change back and here is your receipt. We truly appreciate you taking the time to shop with us today, enjoy the rest of you evening~” There was definitely sarcasm in my voice with the entirety of that sentence.

All the woman did in response to my “cheerfulness” was roll her eyes, snatched her change and receipt from my hand and pushed her cart away. Not even a goodbye from her. If one thing was sure, I was so glad that that was over. She was literally the icing on the cake and I was so fed up at this point. Checking the time on my register, I noticed that it was a few minutes passed the end of my shift. I immediately flicked my checkout light off so I wouldn’t be bothered with any customers.

I just wanted to curl into bed and sulk in my misery.

A slight migraine was beginning to bother me as I brought my hand up to my forehead, closing my eyes to try and relieve the pain a bit. I tried to tune the world out for a few moments, listening to the sounds that made up the supermarket. Lots of people shuffling around and scanner beeps that I grew very accustomed to.

Once I get home, I’m looking for a new job. Screw this place.

That thought that always lingered in my head. I was officially done with this place. I could probably find something relatively quick and once I did, I would hand in my two weeks notice, scratch that I would hand in my immediate resignation. I had it all planned out. Just was never sure on the timing.

But that was a no longer a question up in the air. Now was the time.

“Excuse me..”

My thoughts would soon be interrupted by a man’s voice, hearing his accent right away. I blew out a bit of hot air as I was unsure if I had the patience to even politely steer this customer into the next lane over. It baffles me how people would always come into my lane when it was clearly stated I was closed. I brought my hand down, ready to put on my persona one last time before I got the hell out of this place.

“Sorry Sir, my lane is actually closed. If you need to checkout you can do so in the next lane ov-”

Bringing my attention upwards towards him I found myself lost in mid sentence. My eyes grew in size to not only seeing one man standing there but seven! Not just any seven, a very very specific seven that I could never forget how they looked. It felt like my jaw dropped to floor over the shock of the men standing before me. Was I dreaming?

I pinched my cheek a bit, they were still there. I closed my eyes a few times thinking I was hallucinating but they were still there. I even slapped my cheek a bit harsh only to find them still standing there, some of their eyebrows raising up in question. They were all taller than me, and extremely attractive. It was just like how I saw them in my dreams but ten times amplified. I stood there, unsure of what to think of the event that just unfolded.

Bangtan Sonyeondan was literally on the opposite side of me.

My head couldn’t process what my eyes were seeing. I was completely at a blank. What would I even say in this situation? I noticed a few of them smiling at me, waiting it looked like for me to say something to them. To know I was aware of their presence. In situations like this where I am not one with my mind, I always was what others would say unfiltered. Speaking whatever was floating around in my head. And though I would regret it, I did exactly just that. I said the first three words that came to me, the most classiest thing I could ever say:

“No fucking way.”

[TO BE CONTINUED]

A/N: Oh, Y/N you have such a potty mouth haha Phew! I’m so glad I rewrote this because I really do like this version much better than the first. Since I do work full time, I won’t be able to pump out these chapters in the way I would want to. But please feel free to check out my other works in the meantime.

♡ masterlist

[thelifeoflorna]

~5/9/2022~ Back to feeling quite burnt out today. H seemed in an odd mood when she came to help me this morning - she hadn’t had much sleep as was worrying about getting her daughter into school for the first day back - but mission accomplished so hopefully H will be on better form for the rest of the week. We did some home bits, then went to Waitrose to do a food shop as I still have vouchers. Then we went to a retail park. Things then started to not go to plan so well - I was supposed to be seeing AKA f2f late this afternoon after my assessment with the LifeCentre but she text me to say her car had broken down - she asked if I could do tomorrow afternoon, which I can’t as am working. In the end we had to settle for a phone appointment on Thursday morning. We had some lunch in Costa, then H dropped me in Crawley Town Centre - I had an hour to kill before my appointment so had a look round Primark. When I arrived at the building for my therapy assessment realised I had been there before, but couldn’t remember exactly what for - it’s since come back to me - a focus group about crisis care several years ago! I think the assessment went okish… Had to climb two flights of steep stairs to get there (no lift in the building) which wasn’t ideal PoTS-wise - they said that if they do take me on for therapy then they should be able to find a ground floor room for sessions. I quite liked the person I saw. They seemed to want to know more about my family history and background than I was expecting - none of it was too difficult but struggled to know how much detail they wanted etc. Also felt a bit strange sharing these details with someone who I might not see for the therapy anyway. Ended up running over by half an hour so felt quite drained by the end. Only really weird, triggering, unsettling thing that happened was part way through the assessment a random man burst into the room offering us samosas?!?! Slightly disappointing thing I found out is that even if they do decide to take me on, it’s going to be 4-6 months before they can offer me sessions, which feels hard having waited over 12 months just to get to this stage. They can also only offer 18 sessions (continued) (at Wakehurst Place & Kew Millenium Seed Bank) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiIxZGtKsbD5CWUSju3piVq0f2Ud4TZi9R0J6k0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[redditnosleep]

Has Anyone Else Seen This Strange Infomercial?

by crystakat. Warning for child abuse.

February 11th

Let me tell you the secret of the century: being a single parent is hard. Yeah, of course it’s worth it and all, but I’m not sure how anyone does this for eighteen years. Shift at the hospital, hurry home and check on Tommy, four hours of shut-eye tops, then another eight hours working retail, rinse and repeat. It’s awesome.

With a schedule that tight, you think I’d froth at the mouth for the chance to get some extra sleep, but lately my insomnia’s getting real bad. The circles under my eyes are starting to look like a permanent fixture. When Tommy’s crying is ringing in my ears and I feel like I’m about to shatter into little pieces, there’s only one outlet: late-night TV. Infomercials, to be exact. More infomercials than you can count.

Sitting in front of the ghostly blue glow of the screen is just about the only thing that helps distract from a one-year-old’s incessant wailing. Yeah, yeah, before you revoke my “good parenting” card, I’ll have you know Tommy cries over nothing. The kid’s fed and watered, but he’ll scream like it’s the end of the world.

There’s no feeling quite like slipping into a near-fugue state at two in the morning with the words buy now, and we’ll throw in a free pack of refills! ringing around in your head, like ping-pong balls ricocheting in an empty room. At some point, if you’re lucky, you’ll slip into unconsciousness and wake up with your face mashed into the couch.

I’ve pretty much seen them all by now. Catalogued in them head. There’s the blender that promises to make meal prep 5000% more efficient, the hairdryer from heaven, the neck-cushioner that’ll cure your arthritis, the vacuum cleaner that connects to Bluetooth and probably can sleep with your wife. A hundred perky men and women going on about weight loss pills and makeup and kitchen knives and towels that’ll revolutionize your life, no really, we promise or your money back.

Well, all except one. Last night, I saw a new infomercial that I’m still not quite sure if I hallucinated or not. It was maybe 3AM, and my mind was throbbing, pulsing inside my skull. I’d all but given up on sleep. The blonde woman on the screen had just finished her spiel about cubic zirconia jewelry, and then this way-too-catchy jingle was blaring from the TV:

Spleeno! Spleeno all your worries away! Spleeno! Spleeno makes a better today!

It was a chorus of high-pitched voices, I think, something childish like you’d hear in a toy commercial. The lyrics to the jingle flashed across the screen in fat, cartoonish letters.

Next, there was one of those “before” montages. You know, the clips of people cracking eggs onto the floor or groaning about their bad back, before the miracle product swoops in to save them. It was pretty standard: a black-and-white shot of a young woman applying mascara in the mirror, making an exaggerated mess of it by smudging it all over her eyelids. She frowned at the finished result. The camera zoomed in on her clumped-together lashes. The whole time, this glum, almost comically sad tune played in the background.

It transitioned into a full-color scene of the woman beaming into the mirror. The words SPLEENO! hung above her head, and the music was now generically upbeat. Look. I hadn’t slept in around thirty-six hours, and I’d started to feel like my brain was melting out of my ears, so I don’t know what I saw. But it sure as hell looked like this pretty girl brought a pair of tweezers up to her eyelids and began plucking out her lashes, one by one, all with a TV-ready smile splayed across her face. No time lapse or anything. It might have gone on for five minutes or fifteen. When it was finished, she almost looked normal, but if you looked close, you could see her completely bare lids.

The infomercial ended with the SPLEENO! jingle playing again while the woman beamed into the camera. She picked up a tube of mascara, looked at it, then tossed it aside. It was so strange that I figured it had to be a parody, complete with an “after” montage of overacting and smiling. I know this sounds crazy, but afterwards, I felt almost relieved. Like some small weight I didn’t even know was there had been taken off my shoulders.

Then Tommy’s crying started up again, and the feeling was lost.

February 13th

I saw it again last night. Honest to god. I actually did pass out for around an hour before waking up, feeling like absolute crap. I peeled myself off the couch to check on Tommy. He was sleeping for once, and I promptly returned to the living room to tune in to my favorite channel.

I watched the same toaster infomercial twice before it came on again. When the jingle started, my heart sped up: Spleeno! Spleeno all your worries away! Spleeno! Spleeno makes a better today! Whatever this was, it had one hell of a catchy tune. The kind that crops up in your mind at the worst of moments.

Call it morbid curiosity. I wanted to see what was going to play this time. It was too early to be an April Fool’s prank, but maybe it was all a joke by someone with a seriously weird sense of humor, or promo for an upcoming movie.

The jingle ended, and the colors quickly faded to black and white. I watched as a middle-aged man came on screen. He was dressed in his pajamas, his hair tousled in a TV version of a messy bedhead. He stood in front of the mirror and cupped his cheek with a grimace, then opened his mouth to inspect his teeth: they were yellow and crooked, some of them sitting at angles that looked downright painful. I could see black spots of rot on his molars. He poured a cupful of mouthwash and gargled, but his face creased as if he was in agony and he quickly spit it all down the drain.

The scene shifted, and the now-technicolored man was dressed smartly in work clothes, his hair slicked down with gel. SPLEENO! danced across the screen in burning pink letters. The counter was littered with teeth. He looked into his mirror and smiled, revealing a completely toothless mouth with raw, bloody gums. I should have been disgusted, but that reaction never came. Instead I was... fascinated. The man didn’t look to be in pain. He seemed almost elated. And why shouldn’t he be? His pain was gone. I wondered how he felt—light, carefree. I felt a little scared for feeling the way I did, but I couldn’t deny it, either.

Afterwards, I stuck around to watch a mattress commercial, but found that my eyes closed of their own volition, and I finally fell into shallow, dreamless sleep. I woke up feeling unsatisfied, like I’d had some unfinished business in a dream, but couldn’t remember what.

February 17th

I’ve stayed up every night since Tuesday and it hasn’t come on a single time. I know what I saw, but at the same time I’m starting to doubt myself. Maybe I dreamed it all up. Either way, I haven’t slept a minute in three nights.

I almost crashed the car during a milk run for formula and diapers this morning. Tommy is driving me up the wall. I could swear he wakes up and starts sounding off the minute I get home, and shuts up once I’m at work. God, I wish I had the money for a sitter. Just one night of peace and quiet might be enough. Nothing around me seems solid, anymore. It’s like the world is slipping away, and there’s only me, a sack of blood and bones dragging itself to places that feel like hollow imprints. I know I look like shit, but I’m finding it hard to care.

I wonder if this is how people lost in the desert feel, when they see that last mirage of cool water.

February 18th

It came on at 1AM. I can’t explain it, but the moment I heard the first notes to the jingle, I felt a wave of relief crashing down on me. The world felt real again.

I kept my eyes glued to the screen. There was an elderly woman this time, walking down a set of stairs to that same sad tune. With her coiffed gray hair and red sweater, she looked like a character out of a Christmas movie, the sweet old lady about to serve her grandkids chocolate-chip cookies with a smile. She wasn’t smiling now, though. Each time her right foot made contact with the steps, she winced, quickly shifting her weight to her left. Bad knee. Once she got to the bottom, she rested on the banister and caught her breath. The next few clips showed her hobbling around the house—I realized it was the same one the others were shot in—and clutching at her kneecap every few seconds.

Right then, it was as if I could feel the pain shooting up my leg, too. I wanted her to be free of it. I wanted to feel light again. I watched as the TV cut to a close-up shot of the old woman sleeping in bed. Her gray hair was spread out on the pillow like a halo. The camera slowly pulled out, revealing the rest of her nightgown-clad body and the smooth, round stump of her right leg. I noticed it’d been severed just above the knee, and it looked to have healed completely, the skin intact except for a line of white scarring. I examined her face. With her mouth curled into a smile, she was the picture of tranquility. I couldn’t help but smile myself. Her pain was gone now, discarded with the unbearable weight of all that putrid flesh. For the first time in a long time, I felt at ease, perfectly content, even. I kept smiling as the jingle ran again.

Spleeno! Spleeno all your worries away! Spleeno! Spleeno makes a better today!

I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, but I kept grinning anyway, enjoying the way those words rolled off my tongue.

February 20th

Yesterday was the best one yet! I didn’t go to work, just in case I’d miss it while I was gone. Tommy was crying as usual, and he was annoying as ever, but I didn’t let him distract me.

I kept my attention on the TV. The infomercial came on around midnight—earlier than usual. It featured a man and his dog. A golden retriever. Even with the grainy quality, I could see that it was a beautiful specimen, its coat sleek and its eyes bright. Too bad it just wouldn’t shut up. Its barking went on and on, all through the night, and my heart clenched with sympathy as the man groaned and clapped his hands over his ears. The barks seemed to grow in volume until it was unbearable. I shook my head as the man tried a pair of earplugs to block out the noise. I knew all too well those didn’t work. Tommy’s cries could penetrate through anything.

I was on the edge of my seat waiting for what came next. The black-and-white gave way to color, and the man went from tired and groggy to well-rested. He got up from bed and stretched, then went to the kitchen to fix himself a cup of coffee, humming the whole time. As a stream of coffee poured into his mug, I noticed a large yellowish mass lying on the kitchen floor. The dog’s body looked broken, and its head was stained with a bloom of red, but the man’s newfound happiness was so infectious that I hardly paid it any attention. The now-familiar SPLEENO! hung above the pair. I realized my face was wet with tears of joy. The man had gotten what he wanted: silence. The tears kept coming even after the screen went black.

Spleeno. It’s a wonderful sound. A wonderful word. It takes all your worries away. It makes you realize you have to hold on, and if something’s standing in the way, then you have to get rid of it.

That night, I slept like a baby.

[silverfootstepswrites]

Butterfly [26]

summary Happy days, 

“That’ll be 398 yen. Would you like your bento warmed up, sir?”

“Senpai.”

“Yes, sir?”

“....Senpai.”

Sighing, Kakuzu finally lifted his head to stare at the customer. And across the counter stood Itachi, looking understandably concerned. He started.

“Senpai, did you just call me ‘sir’?” asked Itachi.

“I’ve been working since noon, man. Don’t judge me,” Kakuzu grumbled. He turned around to place the container in the microwave. He leaned his elbow on the counter, tugging at the collar of his white shirt. 

“When do you get off?” Itachi inquired. Kakuzu checked his watch.

“An hour?”

“Let’s go get drunk.”

“Hell yeah.”

And exactly an hour and twenty-six minutes later, Kakuzu was chugging down his first beer of the night. The tip of his nose was still bright red from the cold. He smacked his lips and sighed once he drained the glass. Itachi slid another drink over to him, cheek in his hand. 

“So I’m guessing that you still hate your job,” guessed Itachi. 

“With passion. But hey. It pays the rent,” answered Kakuzu. Only then did he shed his parka. 

Itachi raised his glass. “I’ll toast to that,” he remarked. And then Hidan raised his glass too. 

“To paying the fucking rent,” agreed Hidan. They clinked glasses together, glad that the weekend had finally arrived

Unfortunately for Itachi, he had work in the morning. So after a few drinks, he tapped out. He dozed on the bus home and barely made it off at the right stop. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, bone-tired after a long week.

In the morning, Itachi washed up and hurried to catch the bus on time. He walked into the cafe a few minutes before the start of his shift. Securing the ties of his black apron, he started off by starting up the espresso maker. 

The cafe Itachi worked at was small but relatively successful. On weekends, it was busy throughout the day. But during the week, it was never frantic inside. Instead, the business came in waves. 

First, there was the group of blue collar workers picking up some caffeine before an early start to the day. Then came the businessmen and women on the way to the office. Later came the university students looking for a late-morning pick-me-up. Between these waves, the cafe was relatively deserted. 

The manager let Itachi study or work on assignments during these lulls, which was one of the reasons Itachi had chosen to stay at this job. He kept one of his textbooks open on an empty stretch of counter near the espresso machine. Some of his professors raised an eyebrow when he handed in his homework smelling like coffee, but it hadn’t affected his grade yet.

Since the cafe was so close to their university, Itachi saw his classmates pop in throughout the week. Nagato and Konan stopped by for matcha lattes. Nagato was a senior in the middle of his job search. He looked more and more frantic each day. Konan took a moment to wave at Itachi as she followed Nagato out of the cafe. She looked even more stressed about the job search than her boyfriend did. 

Hidan asked for two shots of espresso before his Thursday class.

“You’re going to give yourself a heart attack,” warned Itachi. He rested his elbow on the counter as he watched Hidan gulp the first espresso down like it was a tequila shot. Hidan slammed the paper cup down. He wore sunglasses indoors, fighting against one of his frequent migraines. 

“It’s the only way I can stay awake through that old man’s lecture. If he talks about the ‘eternity of art’ one more time, I’ll gut myself in the middle of the lecture hall,” growled Hidan. Against his better judgment, Itachi got up to pour him another shot of espresso.

“When are we going to meet up this week? We’ve got to work out how we’re going to assemble that big tree piece for our project,” Itachi reminded him. Hidan bared his teeth after he gulped down the rest of the coffee. 

“Tomorrow?” Hidan answered. 

Itachi made Hidan mark it down in his phone before he went to class.

But during that Saturday morning shift, Itachi didn’t recognize anyone who came into the cafe. In fact, he found himself in one of those nice lulls. The only customers in the cafe already had their drinks. It wasn’t his turn to clean the bathroom or to wipe the tables. So he leaned against the counter to take a breather. 

Itachi straightened with the collar of his white uniform shirt. Fixed the cuffs of his rolled-up sleeves. Just as he tucked his hair behind his ears, the bell above the door jangled. Cold air blew into the cafe. Sighing, Itachi stood up straight. 

“Welcome,” he said, putting on his retail smile.

“Itachi.”

Itachi’s eyes popped open. “Oh. Father.” A head popped up beside his father’s leg. “And Sasuke.”

Itachi looked around and caught the manager’s gaze. “Is it alright if I take my break?” he inquired. 

So after brewing a caffe latte for his father and a hot chocolate for Sasuke, Itachi settled in the corner booth with them. 

Sasuke hopped into the seat beside their father. His little feet didn’t even begin to touch the ground. When Itachi pushed the cup across the table, Sasuke tried to take a sip of his drink. Instead he covered the tip of his nose in whipped cream. Itachi chuckled. He reached out to wipe Sasuke’s face with a napkin. 

“Nii-san, you made this?” asked Sasuke. His face scrunched up when Itachi rubbed at his nose with the scratchy napkin. Itachi nodded.

“Just for you.”

Sasuke’s face lit up. He tried to drink again and managed to get a gulp. “Yummy!” he declared.

“Itachi.”

Itachi returned his attention back to his father. Fugaku had retired from the police force this year. It felt strange to see him out of his officer’s uniform. Itachi had more memories of his father in the blue outfit than out of it. 

“Have you been well?” Fugaku inquired. 

Itachi nodded before he asked, “Where’s Mom?”

To his surprise, his father reached inside his jacket. He fumbled for a bit as he pulled out his flip phone. Itachi watched Fugaku mutter to himself as he clicked around on the buttons. He scowled when he opened up his settings by accident.

“Otou-san, you have to push this one,” said Sasuke, leaning over. He grasped Fugaku’s wrist to pull his arm down. And he pressed his thumb to the menu button. Sasuke then went back to gulping down his hot chocolate. 

Finally, Fugaku managed to pull up the message he had received earlier that morning. 

“She’s watching the Figure Skating Championships with her friends,” Fugaku declared, holding up the phone for Itachi to see. It was a photo of Mikoto with two of her friends. One of them was holding up a sign that said ‘MANGETSU’ in big, pink letters. Mikoto held up two little Japanese flags, grinning. 

The message underneath read, “Mangetsu just did so well! I think he’s going to win gold!”

Itachi gave a helpless laugh. Fugaku lowered his phone, tucking it back into his pocket.

“Wasn’t Mom just watching figure skating the other day?” Itachi inquired. 

“Apparently that was a Grand-Something? This is nationals. Just for Japanese skaters,” replied Fugaku, shaking his head. 

Then again, Itachi thought, his mother had always been a huge fan of skating. He knew that his father only watched it with her to support her. It was entertaining in its own way. But somehow his mother knew the skaters by name. Even when they landed their jumps, she would groan and exclaim that they ‘popped a jump’ or ‘under-rotated’, whatever that meant. She kept track of all the dates of competitions, too. 

The men of the Uchiha family knew. If there was skating going on somewhere in the world, it would be playing on the little TV in the kitchen. And no one was allowed to change the channel. 

“We dropped Mom off earlier!” Sasuke told Itachi. Itachi wiped more whipped cream off Sasuke’s cheeks. 

“And you kept Father company? Wow, Sasuke. You’re all grown up now,” answered Itachi with a smile. Sasuke nodded.

“You look like you’re doing well. How’s work?” questioned Fugaku. 

“It’s good. It’s harder than I thought it would be. I thought you were exaggerating when you said high school would be the easiest part of my life,” responded Itachi. And then he watched his father’s hand slip into his pocket again.

“Are you doing alright on rent? You’re eating?” Fugaku went on to ask. He pulled his wallet out and began counting out bills. He rolled them up before shoving them into Itachi’s hand.

“I don’t want you to fall behind on your expenses,” Fugaku muttered. 

The back of Itachi’s neck felt a little hot. He tried to push the money back. 

“It’s alright, Father. I’m not starving or anything,” Itachi said. But Fugaku only nudged the money over again. 

“You’re retired now. You should be saving your money,” Itachi insisted. It was pointless, though. Sighing, he accepted the money, tucking it into the pocket of his black pants. 

“Thank you,” he said. Fugaku grunted something, looking away. 

An awkward silence fell over them. It had been a while since they had spoken to each other. The last time had been when Itachi had gone home to celebrate his mom’s birthday. And, as usual, Itachi and Fugaku had gotten into an argument about Itachi’s decision to go to art school. 

And now, Itachi laced his hands together. Recalling how he had shouted at his father not to try to control his life. He looked up when Fugaku cleared his throat. 

“Itachi. I... I don’t want to control you,” Fugaku began. Neither of them could look the other in the eyes. “I just want you to make the right choices. There’s...” Fugaku broke off, letting out a heavy sigh. 

“It’s hard to support yourself on an art degree. You know that, right? And when you start a family, it’ll only get harder.”

Itachi looked down at his hands as he answered: “I do.”

“But this is really what you want to do?”

“It is.”

Another pause. Fugaku tapped his fingers against the tabletop. His wedding band clacked against the wood.

“Then...it’ll take some time. But I’ll try to understand,” declared Fugaku. 

Itachi lifted his head. Unsure whether he had just heard correctly or not. But he found his father look straight at him. A small smile pulling at his lips. Itachi bit the inside of his mouth. He didn’t know what to say in response to something like that. 

Thankfully, Sasuke knew just what to say. 

“Did you make up with Nii-san, Otou-san?” he asked. 

They both looked over at Sasuke. Fugaku ruffled Sasuke’s hair. 

“Yes, we did, Sasuke,” answered Fugaku. 

The conversation was still awkward. Fugaku stuck around for a little longer, asking Itachi about what he was doing. Itachi explained how he and a partner were working on a project. Each semester, dance students at their school participated in an exhibition for their final grade. It was the job of scenography students to design the stage for one of these performances, which then became their final grade. 

“The exhibition is next month. You should come,” Itachi offered.

And even though he could see that his father still didn’t get what he was studying, Fugaku listened to all of this. He nodded before he said, “Alright, Itachi. We’ll be there.”

Fugaku’s phone vibrated. He opened it up and read over the screen. Then he showed Itachi. Mikoto had sent over a video. It was shaky and a little blurry. But it was of a girl with pink hair gliding across the rink. They could hear several voices calling, “Saku!” as she did a lap around. 

“Who’s that?” Itachi inquired. 

“Some new girl that your mother is obsessed with. I can’t tell any of them apart,” sighed Fugaku, leaning back in his seat. Itachi laughed. 

“Me neither.” But then he considered her white and blue outfit. “Her costume’s a pretty color, though,” Itachi added.